Would you date someone that doesn't find you attractive?

[CoachR64]

Let's reverse the question a bit.... we talk about looking past attraction and giving everyone a chance. So, the question is, would you really want to date someone that does not find you attractive? Would you date someone that thinks you are not good looking, but is trying to be nice and just give you a chance?

Coach

 

[lostaquarium]

Let's reverse the question a bit.... we talk about looking past attraction and giving everyone a chance. So, the question is, would you really want to date someone that does not find you attractive? Would you date someone that thinks you are not good looking, but is trying to be nice and just give you a chance?

Coach

That's my point exactly! You don't date everyone who asks you for the sake of equality. That's totally not the point of dating.

 

[Mela Monkey]

Let's reverse the question a bit.... we talk about looking past attraction and giving everyone a chance. So, the question is, would you really want to date someone that does not find you attractive? Would you date someone that thinks you are not good looking, but is trying to be nice and just give you a chance?

Coach

My ex-gf said I was ugly and said that she was dating me mostly because of my personality.

She didn't say it to to my face, but to one of her friends lol

 

[elephunky]

My ex-gf said I was ugly and said that she was dating me mostly because of my personality.

She didn't say it to to my face, but to one of her friends lol

Ouch.

I would want there to be mutual attraction, but I also want there to be an attraction to my personality.

 

[kevlite2020]

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[white dove]

MOD HAT ON

Uhmm... lol.



In response to the OP: No, of course not. Out of anyone else in the world, I want to be hot stuff and attractive (both personally/spiritually) to who I am with. And vice versa.

 

[ykim87]

Let's reverse the question a bit.... we talk about looking past attraction and giving everyone a chance. So, the question is, would you really want to date someone that does not find you attractive? Would you date someone that thinks you are not good looking, but is trying to be nice and just give you a chance?

Coach

I personally would not date someone if I have no attraction for the opposite sex. Aside from giving everyone equality, dating is something I find a waste of time if you chose to accept and date the ones that one out of the two have no attraction for.

 

[Trashionista]

No. But I'm shallow.

 

[ido]

Let's reverse the question a bit.... we talk about looking past attraction and giving everyone a chance. So, the question is, would you really want to date someone that does not find you attractive? Would you date someone that thinks you are not good looking, but is trying to be nice and just give you a chance?

Coach

No. I wouldn't have wanted to be someone's charity case.

I think this is the problem that I always had with the friends first approach. *Most* (not all) guys take the direct approach and will ask a girl out if they are attracted to her and want to get to know her better. Likewise, if I was attracted to a guy I would have wanted to date him and get to know him that way - not be friends first then see what happens. The one time I did that, it was a disaster. Fortunately, we got past it and are still friends to this day. So, if I was friends with a guy first, then he asked me out later on I would totally think he didn't find me attractive in the first place.

That's just how my mind works.

 

[TheOliveSeed]

Absolutely, certainly, definitely, undoubtedly, unquestionably....Should I continue?...NOT...NOT. I would appreciate the fact that they were honest enough to tell me, ha, but going out with me because they're trying to be "nice and give me a chance?" That's unnecessary. That would be a pity date then. And that's a no-no.

 

[Inkachu]

The question's a little vague...do they find me absolutely repulsive, or do they find me "okay" or "average" looking, and they're hooked by my personality? To the first, I don't think I could convince someone who wanted to vomit at the sight of me to date me in the first place. To the second, sure. I've fallen madly in love with men who weren't especially hot on the exterior, and it didn't bother me in the least. I love the person, not the physical body.

 

[lostaquarium]

If he doesn't find me physically attractive, but that's over-ruled by how much he likes my personality, isn't that a compliment?

 

[Trashionista]

If he doesn't find me physically attractive, but that's over-ruled by how much he likes my personality, isn't that a compliment?

No. There's lots of people I adore but whom I'm not sexually attracted to. That makes someone at an distance admiree or friend, not a potential lover.

 

[Oddish]

Probably not, I don't even date the people who find me attractive .

 

[Oddish]

The question's a little vague...do they find me absolutely repulsive, or do they find me "okay" or "average" looking, and they're hooked by my personality? To the first, I don't think I could convince someone who wanted to vomit at the sight of me to date me in the first place. To the second, sure. I've fallen madly in love with men who weren't especially hot on the exterior, and it didn't bother me in the least. I love the person, not the physical body.

Nice post.

 

[Inkachu]

I'd like to see the same question posted to a group of 40 or 50 something's.

You honestly think you're going to find your spouse THE MOST gorgeous specimen of the opposite sex on the entire planet, from head to toe, for the rest of your life? Not likely. At some point, someone's going to gain weight, lose hair, grow moles, have surgery, develop wrinkles, and a host of other completely NORMAL things that happen with age and life's experiences.

Are you going to trade them in for a younger, hotter model? I sure hope not, lol. Are you going to love them less, the less physically attractive they are? I hope not! So what will make you love them all the more with time and age taking effect? Their INTERNAL QUALITIES.

I guess I'm just the wacko of the world, but I'd rather look for such qualities first, knowing they will last, instead of looking for a hot, tight, young body that isn't going to last at all. I know. I'm nuts.

 

[Trashionista]

You honestly think you're going to find your spouse THE MOST gorgeous specimen of the opposite sex on the entire planet, from head to toe, for the rest of your life? Not likely. At some point, someone's going to gain weight, lose hair, grow moles, have surgery, develop wrinkles, and a host of other completely NORMAL things that happen with age and life's experiences.

No, but one should still make an effort to keep themselves 'with it' for their spouse. My parents are still married, my mom is nearly 60 but still keeps herself in shape, has a stylish (short) haircut, exercise, watches her size. She may not be the 30 year old woman my dad fell in love with, but she's not going to go dowdy because every 60 year old in town has.

I'm not trying to downplay that the Marla Maples-Donald Trump situation never happens, but this suggestion that once we Reach a Certain Age, we should all (willingly) go gray, wrinkly, and hairy - and still expect our spouses to find us sexually attractive - is insane Wrinkles are a fact of life, but a spouse will probably appreciate the effort of one not smoking, drinking too much in their youth, daily application of sunscreen, some AHAs and the use of whatever potion Lancome's offering.

It's also not to say that one should start trying to look like a Real Housewife from Orange County, but that one at 60, can choose to emulate Susan Sarandon or Tina Turner - I personally think both are still sexually appealing - rather than say, Abe Vigoda.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

Never would have. Find another pity date if that's your thing.

 

[white dove]

No. But I'm shallow.

I respectfully disagree with your self-depreciation. As Madonna once put it (and I'm sure you remember), "Beauty's where you find it." Even though I gakked a bit just by typing that out, it's true. I'm sure you aren't a slave to the physical. You don't seem to be the type of person who doesn't concern herself with the quality of communication, intellectualism and importance of other, far more pressing concerns in the world. Just because you admire beauty and respect the rules of attraction in your own way doesn't make you more shallow than anyone else. If you solely look to the outwardly to make your judgments, then perhaps that's a yellow light.

 

[timbo81]

I don't see how I'd know if they didn't find me attractive, unless they flat out told me to my face before we went out. And few people are that rude.

If a woman agreed to a date with me that says to me there is at least some attraction on some level even if it's only small.

generally if there is no attraction at all you don't even get a first date.