- Mar 23, 2019
- 30
- 43
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Separated
I am trying to understand how I am to respond to my wife who is having a affair and wants to divorce. We have been married 32 years. I found out 11/24/18 my wife spent the night with another man. Her reaction was denial and over the next couple days she admitted it was a one night stand. I wanted to believe and forgive her, but over the following couple weeks I found out this is a man she had walked 2 hours a day 5 times a week with for the previous year. I confronted her and gave the ultimatum him or me. Her silence hit me hard and I told her she needs move out, so she moved in with her mom (this is where she has been for the last three and a half months). She started attending another church where her sister goes shortly after, and on 12/30/18 I received a letter saying she couldn't tell me to my face, but she wants a divorce. I had a hard time hearing this, because I really still wanted to make our marriage work and, and told her so. Over the last few months I have tried to help her understand what she is doing is not what Gods desires. I have admitted my failures and desire to be the husband God has called me to be. She says she loves me but we are just bad together. I know God has been working on bringing her to a very broken place. She has been very depressed, her colitis has been flaring, and she needs knee surgery.
Yesterday I felt lead for the first time to go and confront her on her daily walk with her adultery partner. She responded with you want to do this here!. I told her she is the one who choose to meet with him here. We drove to the church parking lot and had a long discussion I let her know how confused i was by her ongoing sin. I told her I knew right after church on Sunday she went to meet with her adultery partner. I told her didn't understand how she could listen to God and then ignore what he just said. She acknowledged everything I had said and her reply was I want a divorce. She said Christians get divorces. I reminded her Christians sins should never be a excuses or examples we should follow. She then told me she has been very convicted and crying out to God for the last week. I reminded her crying out to God is a posture of surrender and turning from our sin it is not asking God for approval to continue in them. She cried a lot said she loves me, feels terrible about hurting me but wants a divorce anyways. I told her I don't want her pity and I am not going to give up on Gods ability to soften her heart and lead her to a place of surrender. I told her I have grounds for divorce and if this is what she really wants next Monday I will file, but reminded her any future relationship while I am alive will be adultery. I told her even if we divorce the door will be open for her to repent and for us to be remarried. She was very broken up, and thanked me. I told her I don't want any contact with her for the next week. I asked her to fast and pray for the the week and next Monday we will meet and she can let me know if she wants me to still file for divorce.
I have to say I was surprised by my offer to file. up to this point I have said I will never sign divorce papers. I am concerned I will have to go back on my word if she still wants a divorce. I feel I misspoke by offering something I don't feel God desires. I feel she is blinded by her sin and at some point God will allow her to see the wicked road she is on, and she will truly repent.
I am fasting and praying this week and covet all prayers for Celeste to come to God with a broken and contrite heart. I pray she will find strength to trust God to rebuild our marriage and I will become the husband God wants me to be. She has no confidence in her ability to resist her sin nature, so God will have to move powerfully into her life as he did in mine 24 years ago when I gave my life to Him.
Thanks for your prayers and any advice you may have to offer.
Bill
Yesterday I felt lead for the first time to go and confront her on her daily walk with her adultery partner. She responded with you want to do this here!. I told her she is the one who choose to meet with him here. We drove to the church parking lot and had a long discussion I let her know how confused i was by her ongoing sin. I told her I knew right after church on Sunday she went to meet with her adultery partner. I told her didn't understand how she could listen to God and then ignore what he just said. She acknowledged everything I had said and her reply was I want a divorce. She said Christians get divorces. I reminded her Christians sins should never be a excuses or examples we should follow. She then told me she has been very convicted and crying out to God for the last week. I reminded her crying out to God is a posture of surrender and turning from our sin it is not asking God for approval to continue in them. She cried a lot said she loves me, feels terrible about hurting me but wants a divorce anyways. I told her I don't want her pity and I am not going to give up on Gods ability to soften her heart and lead her to a place of surrender. I told her I have grounds for divorce and if this is what she really wants next Monday I will file, but reminded her any future relationship while I am alive will be adultery. I told her even if we divorce the door will be open for her to repent and for us to be remarried. She was very broken up, and thanked me. I told her I don't want any contact with her for the next week. I asked her to fast and pray for the the week and next Monday we will meet and she can let me know if she wants me to still file for divorce.
I have to say I was surprised by my offer to file. up to this point I have said I will never sign divorce papers. I am concerned I will have to go back on my word if she still wants a divorce. I feel I misspoke by offering something I don't feel God desires. I feel she is blinded by her sin and at some point God will allow her to see the wicked road she is on, and she will truly repent.
I am fasting and praying this week and covet all prayers for Celeste to come to God with a broken and contrite heart. I pray she will find strength to trust God to rebuild our marriage and I will become the husband God wants me to be. She has no confidence in her ability to resist her sin nature, so God will have to move powerfully into her life as he did in mine 24 years ago when I gave my life to Him.
Thanks for your prayers and any advice you may have to offer.
Bill
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