Why Do I Have to Stay?

[1Newcreation]

I'm a Christian, I love Christ with all I got. Everyday I read about Christian stuff or listen to Christian stuff, my relationship with Christ is very strong.

However, my "earth" life, is hard to bare.
I realise that I'm more blessed then others, I live in middle class Canada, my parents are together and I have a dog who can put a rare smile on my face. But mentally, I struggle. I was abused when I was a eight-years-old, and suffered slight brain damage, so I'm already at a disadvantage. Nowadays, I'm extremely lonley, my sister - whom I loathe - is always out with friends, my mother is rarely around and my father works from 5 AM to 7 PM and usually falls asleep around 9 PM. I have no friends, and I mean zero friends; I'm not some whiny kid who has just a few friends, some fastidious kid who doesn't have the friends he/she wants or some spoiled brat who is in a fight with the majority of his/her friends, I mean I have zero friends. I don't go to school, I don't have a job (I'm 17 by the way) I don't socialize at all - due to my aneixty disorder in an obviouly large way - infact this forum is my only community. Every night I go to bed upset and every morning I wake up distraught. Horrible thoughts go through my head daily - urges some of the time - of sex, violence, ect.
The only think I look forward to is death.

So that brings me to my main point, a question:
Why do I have to stay? I've accepted Christ as my savior, so why can't I kill myself tonight and join him in Heaven?

Christ died so that we may live, LIVE not die. He has a life planned for you, you must seek Him and Find Him and you will, if you seek Him with ALL your heart. You have a story to tell, you can be used by God to touch many hearts. Each and every one of God's children, all who have put their trust in the salvation through Jesus Christ has something to offer. We are all able to serve our Heavenly Father in some way. You CGL have something to offer.

John 10:10 " ....I have come so that they may have life, and have it to the full. (abundantly)."

A whole new life is awaiting for you, right here on earth. You do not have to yearn for physical death. That is just foolish talk and a lie straight from the enemy. Jesus Christ is able to heal all your wounds, heal all your hurts, you can be transformed by the renewing of your mind, you are set free dear one. You are FREE already from captivity, it is time to claim the victory, time to know what power the Lord God has given you. Give that satan a slap in the face, get up and fight dear one. You are loved so very much.

I am praying for you.

1newcreation

 

[visionary]

I'm a Christian, I love Christ with all I got. Everyday I read about Christian stuff or listen to Christian stuff, my relationship with Christ is very strong.

all this work stuff to prove what? that it isn't working in your heart as the rest of the testimony reveals. I would cut out the work and let go and let God. Listen to the still small voice, follow Him, seek Him, not religious approval, search for Him, ask Him, He will answer.

 

[CGL]

Thanks everyone.

 

[fushiarose]

Thanks everyone.

how are you feeling today? i hope you are doing better or will be doing better soon.

 

[CGL]

how are you feeling today? i hope you are doing better or will be doing better soon.

I hope so too. I'm not doing to well, I'm not sure if I trust myself, I'm kinda' scared.
I have a lot of praying to do.

 

[Sketcher]

Since God chose you for salvation (Ephesians 1:11), you have a purpose in life. That purpose is to do good works for Him (Ephesians 2:10). Furthermore, the Christian's life does not belong to him, that he can take it at will. It belongs to God. Therefore, He has the right to call you home, but you don't have the right to just skip to the end - let alone when you have work for God left to do. After all, when you face Him, you want Him to say, "Well done, good and faithful servant!"

 

[1Newcreation]

I hope so too. I'm not doing to well, I'm not sure if I trust myself, I'm kinda' scared.
I have a lot of praying to do.

I know what you mean about not trusting oneself and it can be a scary place to be. God and His Word can be trusted though, believe and allow Him to help you.

Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."

Psalms 56:11 " in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"

Psalm 57 "When I am afraid, I will trust in You."

John 14:27 " Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

2Timothy 1:7 " For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love and of a sound mind'

I encourage you to read scriptures that tell all of us not to be afraid, but put our trust in Him. The Word of God is powerful and important for us to believe and trust in it and we need to try and remember scriptures, arm ourselves against the lies of the enemy. It is important for us to put our spiritual armour on daily. Ephesians 6.

CGL just praise the Lord for all what He has done for you, Prayer, Praise and Thanksgiving. Three things we all need to be doing daily. I believe there would be alot less depression and morbid thinking in the lives of Christians if they spent time doing these things. I try and implement these in my life daily, and I rarely get down anymore, I use to get very depressed and morbid. No longer. Praise the Lord!! It can happen for you too.

1newcreation

 

[fushiarose]

I hope so too. I'm not doing to well, I'm not sure if I trust myself, I'm kinda' scared.
I have a lot of praying to do.

Have you ever talked to your doctor about these feelings?