What's on your mind?

[NerdGirl]

.

 

[anewday]

I've been in my new apartment for five days, but it feels longer somehow. I feel a melancholic, wistful sort of sadness but I don't feel devastated. I miss my husband's presence, but I have no urge or inclination to go back to the house. I think it's inevitable that you'll feel the absence of someone you lived with for 8 years. At the same time, the fact that he was so isolated from the rest of the house and family for so many years makes it easier (?) to be away from him. I don't feel much at the thought of him moving on or meeting someone else. There's a sort of sadness attached to the situation as a whole, but there's no "I can't live without him, I want to go back". Not in the least. I was forced to be self sufficient and emotionally independent for so long that the transition to living on my own again feels almost the same as living in the house. My days consisted mostly of working, chores/errands, gaming with friends, and hanging out with my son. And that's what my days consist of now, just in a different living environment. My husband was hardly present in my life, by his own choices.

He and I have been able to converse civilly, which is a relief. He's agreed to stop using our joint checking account and open one of his own, so I'll be able to finally close that account and protect my own finances more. He had overdrawn it by hundreds of dollars with Amazon and gaming/computer purchases, but at least he was willing to bring the account back into the black. His spending habits are not improved. Whether they ever will improve is up to him, but they will negatively affect me less and less, and I'm very thankful for that as it was a constant source of anxiety and stress. My credit score is already coming up a little bit. God has been blessing and helping me all the way through this, including allowing me to use the Covid mortgage relief program (CARES), since my husband is now claiming he can't pay the mortgage on the house (which isn't true). I hope he will recognize the need to save his money in preparation for the house being sold, and finding his own place to live. But I will not stress over it. I'm done allowing his poor choices and lack of responsibility to create festering pits of worry and stress for me. I'm going to take care of myself like a grown woman, and he will choose to be a responsible man or not be one. If he chooses to be reckless and irresponsible, it will not drag me down with him again.

He told me that he went back to D.C. again today to buy more weed. Normally I would worry over that, too. I'm not okay with him buying illegal drugs and using them in the house, and he knows that. He also has a bad habit of getting pulled over for speeding or inattentive driving, and I'd always worry that he'd get caught with the weed and be arrested. I hated to see hundreds of our dollars going to buy drugs, too. Not my worry anymore.

He claims that one of his traffic court tickets was "dismissed" without him having to show up. That sounds a bit fishy to me. I never know when he's being honest or making things up. I would have been worried about that, too. I'm not worrying over it now. If he gets himself arrested, that's because he made poor choices.

I know there's still a very long road ahead for me. Healing and wholeness will not come overnight. I need to stay close to God, and listen to my own inner voice; something I've ignored for far too long. The future is a big, empty, scary blank right now. But I have more peace today than I've had for years.

I'm so glad you were able to move out Nerdgirl123 . And I'm sure that peace you feel will help you move forward.

I know I love my husband, but I have very little desire to be anything more than friends and roommates and have felt this way for most of the year. I'm still deciding on whether or not to move out when our lease is up, which is coming up fast. I can't believe the end of the year is almost here.

He still has his moments but has changed a lot this past year, and even more with counseling, but my gut is still telling me to keep my distance. It makes me sad, but I don't want to force something that is no longer there...

 

[NerdGirl]

.

 

[Bumble Bee]

I accidentally got to the clinic almost a half hour early. I don’t want to be here. It’s hard to breathe here.

 

[NerdGirl]

I'm saddened that there are people here, on a site that is meant to be a haven for Christians, who can be very cruel to each other. Meanness is a toxic spirit, a relative of hate, and should have no place in our hearts. Gossip is a sin, and those who engage in it are strongly warned in Scripture, being named among those who will not be in God's kingdom. I hope that people will draw closer to our Savior, and let Him work on our hearts (I include myself because I am most certainly not perfect, either), and fill us with the fruits of His spirit; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. It seems that some of those are sorely needed here.

 

[Toro]

Im a simple man


On my mind, I wanna go home and Im hungry.

 

[NerdGirl]

Im a simple man


On my mind, I wanna go home and Im hungry.

Are you at work? What will you have for dinner?

 

[Toro]

Are you at work? What will you have for dinner?

Yes, for the next 25 minutes.

No idea, or Id tell my wife "Womun, git in the kitchun en fix me sum viddles."



More than likely a "ghetto grilled cheese" sammich while my wife is grossed out at the sight of a microwaved toasted cheese sammich.

 

[NerdGirl]

Yes, for the next 25 minutes.

No idea, or Id tell my wife "Womun, git in the kitchun en fix me sum viddles."



More than likely a "ghetto grilled cheese" sammich while my wife is grossed out at the sight of a microwaved toasted cheese sammich.

Sammiches FTW! Cheese sammies are awesome. Sometimes I just crave a sammie with cheese, lettuce, and mayo.

 

[Swan7]

Yes, for the next 25 minutes.

No idea, or Id tell my wife "Womun, git in the kitchun en fix me sum viddles."



More than likely a "ghetto grilled cheese" sammich while my wife is grossed out at the sight of a microwaved toasted cheese sammich.

You know it looks like a cheese moat....

 

[NerdGirl]

You know it looks like a cheese moat....

BUSTED!

 

[Toro]

Sammiches FTW! Cheese sammies are awesome. Sometimes I just crave a sammie with cheese, lettuce, and mayo.

Only green on my sammiches are Jalapenos or Serrano peppers. Mostly either melted cheese between two pieces of toast or a mustard covered meat buffet... either way my wife says gross.

You know it looks like a cheese moat....

No, IF it were a cheese moat.... Id have nachos with my sammich

 

[NerdGirl]

Only green on my sammiches are Jalapenos or Serrano peppers. Mostly either melted cheese between two pieces of toast or a mustard covered meat buffet... either way my wife says gross.



No, IF it were a cheese moat.... Id have nachos with my sammich

I would not defile a grilled or toasted cheese sammie with lettuce! But I love cold cheese sammies, too Cheese is truly a blessing from Heaven lol.

 

[Swan7]

No, IF it were a cheese moat.... Id have nachos with my sammich

Regardless.... it's a cheese moat and your toast as the castle...

 

[NerdGirl]

Bust out of those boxes, girls.

 

[NerdGirl]

 

[Toro]

It's odd that there are many intellectual types out there that believe the world is over populated..... but yet want NOTHING to do with God. You would think they would embrace the Old Testament at least.

Exodus 21:17.

There would be only a handful of children walking the Earth today.

 

[NerdGirl]

It's a pity that people can't enjoy their time on this site without encountering so much vitriol, manipulation, and meanness. A fellowship of God's children should be the safest place of all to be human, to be flawed, to share ideas and beliefs, to discuss things openly. It's completely the opposite. I haven't witnessed so much shaming, harshness, ego-tripping, and duplicity, before in my life!

 

[Toro]

Well, it is to be expected when the Bible calls us to be "righteous ".... so many people mistake that for self righteousness...... few ever find nor seek the true righteousness that is found in humility, empathy and love.

"My theology is right and everyone else is a fool....". nevermind that ANY understanding that we have of God is GIVEN to us by the Father alone and rather than focus upon how "great WE are" by how much truth and light we possess... we should rather, focus on that, to the one that more is given, more is expected.

That IF our theology, truth and light is so much greater than those around us.... do WE reflect more of His light into the world than those we consider to have less light or a flawed theology or practices to our own.

For if our ways are far more superior and we are such good soil..... should the fruit we bear NOT be greater than any of those that we consider to hold on to falsehoods and any form of darkness.

Humility is severely lacking in Christianity, God doesnt resist the tax collector, the adulterer, the thief.... etc... He resists the proud.

We must always be sure that the righteousness we stand on is found in the humility of Christ, not the pride of self.

 

[NerdGirl]

Well, it is to be expected when the Bible calls us to be "righteous ".... so many people mistake that for self righteousness...... few ever find nor seek the true righteousness that is found in humility, empathy and love.

So true, my friend. They mistake condescension for "sympathy" or "caring". True humility places the other person above yourself.

"My theology is right and everyone else is a fool....". nevermind that ANY understanding that we have of God is GIVEN to us by the Father alone and rather than focus upon how "great WE are" by how much truth and light we possess... we should rather, focus on that, to the one that more is given, more is expected.

Yes! It's so easy to slip into the mindset of pride and bragging about what we are or what we have or what we've accomplished.

That IF our theology, truth and light is so much greater than those around us.... do WE reflect more of His light into the world than those we consider to have less light or a flawed theology or practices to our own.

For if our ways are far more superior and we are such good soil..... should the fruit we bear NOT be greater than any of those that we consider to hold on to falsehoods and any form of darkness.

Absolutely. And that "fruit" is not of the world. It's not wealth, prestige, popularity, material gain, financial success, or the smugness of feeling "right" all the time.

Humility, gentleness, self-control, etc. These are the fruits that we should see pouring from the one who has been given much.

Humility is severely lacking in Christianity, God doesnt resist the tax collector, the adulterer, the thief.... etc... He resists the proud.

We must always be sure that the righteousness we stand on is found in the humility of Christ, not the pride of self.

Amen. Thank you for sharing this. You hit the nail on the head.