Me too. You used to whine about it too? I never would’ve guessed. I am trying not to anymore tho I want to
Why? How does that bring you closer to its fulfillment? You have to look beyond release and consider the price. Stirring the pot won’t bring her to you and you’re miserable afterwards. With continued engagement you’ll attrack the same to yourself spiritually. That’s why many are depressed and end up consuming negative content that affirms their feelings. Which places them in echo chambers with others in a similar place.
I had two experiences recently that echo this point. I saw a video with an odd title that I decided to watch. The man asserted that holidays were humiliation rituals. I was so taken aback that I continued to listen. He didn’t believe he had anything to live for and attributed his misery to his singleness and broken family. The invites he received from others were cast aside. There was a term he used for its occurrence I don’t recall. But he couldn’t enjoy himself because a relationship was his orbit.
I’ve come to realize that’s the other side of over emphasis in other areas. Trad wives, stay at home moms, and milling grains for flour and sourdough are recent examples. The bulk of their self-worth are tied to these things but it isn’t real. While the other emphasizes lack they promote the opposite. A supposed togetherness that falls apart when they address their lives privately and the truth comes out.
You can’t build your life on things, people or ideals. None of it is stable and you’ll discover that eventually. You’ve invested a lot of energy on a mysterious woman you’ve never met who hasn’t proven herself as a woman of God, wife or mother. Yet you’re grieving. You have nothing to attach to your emotions beyond the ideal you thought you’d have. Yet it consumes you and you’re mourning a ghost that doesn’t exist.
You created a thread to feed that. It wasn’t designed to challenge your thoughts or move you beyond them. And you knew that to be so because you did it elsewhere. There’s a time for milk and a period when we’ve outgrown it and require greater sustenance. I did the same long ago and chose music as the outlet. I was tired of hearing my friends complain about their experiences with men and repeating their mistakes. I encouraged them to funnel their frustrations and hurt through a different medium. Instead of bemoaning their circumstances the music spoke on their behalf and the results were remarkable.
The lyrics were convicting and a timestamp of sorts. They revisited them often and made better decisions in the long run. I had a similar experience and chastened myself when I replicated things that weren’t beneficial. But after a while it wasn’t necessary to do that. The lessons were ingrained and I looked before I leapt. It was a coping mechanism for a season when we needed to heal. But I stopped putting myself in situations where that was required. Nor were relationships the whole of our posts. There were happy moments too.
But you‘ve chosen an outlet with no end in sight. There’s a lot of ways you could use your voice to bless others in similar positions but you’d rather whine instead. I wasn’t a christian when I created the thread and nor were my friends. But you are and it should be undertaken with Him in mind. How is He glorified in your apathy? There’s millions on the internet doing the same. Why don’t you try a different approach instead?
And you’re not the only one and you know that. My ex is single and he’ll be 36 next month. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s looking at 40. I advised my daughter to wait. This isn’t the right climate to find a spouse. There’s too much negativity and suspicion. That doesn’t mean it’s impossible but ignoring the other is unwise.
Believe it or not I don’t think about men and rarely discuss them beyond this space nor does my daughter. We don’t worry if we’ll meet the one or be alone forever. It isn’t a concern. Life is full of twists and turns and things don’t always go as planned or as we expect. After a while you adapt and stop basing your happiness on the clock and allowing uncertainty to rattle you.
Spend less time wanting to be married and emphasizing quality in its place. The deeper your relationship with the Father the clearer you’ll become on the subject. Which doesn’t mean a solution overnight. But oftentimes He’ll nudge you in a direction you never considered or were unwilling to go (like yours truly). ;-)
You have been told also that life is darkness, and in your weariness you echo what was said by the weary.
And I say that life is indeed darkness save when there is urge,
And all urge is blind save when there is knowledge,
And all knowledge is vain save when there is work,
And all work is empty save when there is love;
And when you work with love you bind yourself to yourself, and to one another, and to God.
And what is it to work with love?
It is to weave the cloth with threads drawn from your heart, even as if your beloved were to wear that cloth.
It is to build a house with affection, even as if your beloved were to dwell in that house.
It is to sow seeds with tenderness and reap the harvest with joy, even as if your beloved were to eat the fruit.
It is to charge all things you fashion with a breath of your own spirit,
And to know that all the blessed dead are standing about you and watching.
All things work together for good. We have no jurisdiction over the time, circumstances or challenges that ensue. But trust the Lord’s process above human intellect and murmurings for the greater results He has in mind. This is your cross. You’ve spent a lot of years rejecting it and warring against its presence. Embrace it and see what it says. You’ll find the answers if you’re willing to put your agenda aside to hear.
Have a blessed holiday & may your days be filled with joy & peace.
~bella
