What's on your mind?

[GodDoesListen55]

This is definitely not a cake walk!

 

[GodDoesListen55]

This has to be a dream!

 

[Tranquil Bondservant]

I'm really grateful for this website. It's allowed me the opportunity to think through things and reason stuff out that wouldn't have even occurred to me before. To hear the perspective of all of you guys has been really edifying, both in agreement and disagreement. It's also really helped in growing in the ability to disagree in love and not in the way the world does. Just the act of writing out my views alone has been incredibly edifying let alone having other people interact with it. I'm also tremendously blessed & grateful for the friendliness & forbearance of the people here.

God bless you all

 

[SarahsKnight]

I'm really grateful for this website. It's allowed me the opportunity to think through things and reason stuff out that wouldn't have even occurred to me before. To hear the perspective of all of you guys has been really edifying, both in agreement and disagreement. It's also really helped in growing in the ability to disagree in love and not in the way the world does. Just the act of writing out my views alone has been incredibly edifying let alone having other people interact with it. I'm also tremendously blessed & grateful for the friendliness & forbearance of the people here.

God bless you all

Yes, I think this is really great community overall, too (Singles alone, that is ^-^ ).

The same blessing be upon you, Tranquil.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

This has to be a dream!

Good dream or bad dream?

 

[Niels]

What flavor are the UFO Tic Tacs?

 

[High Fidelity]

What flavor are the UFO Tic Tacs?

No idea but they probably taste out of this world

 

[Saucy]

I hope everyone is having a blessed Sunday!

 

[RileyG]

I hope everyone is having a blessed Sunday!

you as well!

 

[GodDoesListen55]

Good dream or bad dream?

A bad one unfortunately.

 

[TheRealAriel]

Kind of a weird day… I got a little mouthy at small group today. There was a bunch of comments about how the church wanted to make sure our singles group doesn’t become a meat market and how maybe God is choosing to make us single right now because we need to work on ourselves more as individuals before we’re ready for marriage. Both got under my skin.

I said “excuse me, I have a hot take, contrary opinion. I am thankful that the church acknowledges singles at all, but I also know there are many of us here who desire a partner to spend life with. We are told to find a partner who is equally yoked and pursuing faith.. but then told that we shouldn’t be looking in the church for a partner. Sometimes I think the church is so scared of the idea of pre-marital sex that it acts like dating itself is something to be ashamed of.” The leader cut me off and said that the church wants to protect us and make us feel like we could come to group without being hit on. I said “sure, we don’t have to meet people here specifically, but I would like if there were events to bring people together that wanted to pursue dating or studies about how to date well instead of always about being content in singleness.” I got cut off again and they ended up abruptly ending the group for the day. It was frustrating.

Then I went to a singles conference this evening and it was all these presentations by married men who literally introduced themselves as “hi I’m ___ and I’ve been married for ____ years.” They were trying to talk to us about singleness and dating when they all had been married over 15 years.

I just don’t get why the church does this. I feel so let down in this area. But on the bright side all the 30s group was on the same page in our frustrations and we had some good conversation in our frustrated headspace.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

Does "Are you available to work a flexible schedule?" mean being okay with a schedule that changes from week to week, or does it mean having 100% open availability?

 

[High Fidelity]

Does "Are you available to work a flexible schedule?" mean being okay with a schedule that changes from week to week, or does it mean having 100% open availability?

I’m guessing the former, as in shift work and not set contracted 9-5 for example.

 

[High Fidelity]

Kind of a weird day… I got a little mouthy at small group today. There was a bunch of comments about how the church wanted to make sure our singles group doesn’t become a meat market and how maybe God is choosing to make us single right now because we need to work on ourselves more as individuals before we’re ready for marriage. Both got under my skin.

I said “excuse me, I have a hot take, contrary opinion. I am thankful that the church acknowledges singles at all, but I also know there are many of us here who desire a partner to spend life with. We are told to find a partner who is equally yoked and pursuing faith.. but then told that we shouldn’t be looking in the church for a partner. Sometimes I think the church is so scared of the idea of pre-marital sex that it acts like dating itself is something to be ashamed of.” The leader cut me off and said that the church wants to protect us and make us feel like we could come to group without being hit on. I said “sure, we don’t have to meet people here specifically, but I would like if there were events to bring people together that wanted to pursue dating or studies about how to date well instead of always about being content in singleness.” I got cut off again and they ended up abruptly ending the group for the day. It was frustrating.

Then I went to a singles conference this evening and it was all these presentations by married men who literally introduced themselves as “hi I’m ___ and I’ve been married for ____ years.” They were trying to talk to us about singleness and dating when they all had been married over 15 years.

I just don’t get why the church does this. I feel so let down in this area. But on the bright side all the 30s group was on the same page in our frustrations and we had some good conversation in our frustrated headspace.

I can certainly understand the preparedness statement, because it makes sense and in many cases it is required.

Ultimately a successful couple is comprised of two individuals. They may become one in unity under marriage, but they are still two individuals and should both be individually prepared in their own way.

Whether or not God is choosing circumstances for us in that regard, we'd still be wise to utilise (and enjoy) that freedom from commitment to work on ourselves and better prepare for life in general, but also for life in marriage and what we can and do bring to the table.

I know for myself I feel God placing great emphasis on me to be better able to fellowship with my future spouse. That means a greater foundational understanding of Scripture and what it means to be Christian, a depth of knowledge that can facilitate edifying conversation, and an overall wisdom, grounded in Scripture, that will help keep our union fruitful, edifying and stable for the rest of our lives.
So that's what I'm working on at the moment, both as an individual for my own benefit, but also being conscious that getting my own house in order means I'm a better host for a potential spouse when the time comes too.

As far as the speakers go, it's frustrating sometimes when people like that think because they've reached that point that they're an authority, but ultimately reaching a destination doesn't mean they understand the journey, and a journey is anything but linear. I am sure they offer some valuable insight, though.

There are some things that the single men will, on average, struggle with more than the ladies. We've seen one example paraded and wrongly defended here, and it's sad how ready some folks are to try and defend the indefensible, so I can understand why in that setting they would be trying to address certain themes.

I'm sorry it was a negative experience, though, and I do agree that it's a great environment and opportunity to meet like-minded people that are also seeking the same thing. I hope they recognise that and can balance that aspect as well.

 

[Citanul]

I just don’t get why the church does this.

I think the problem is, like you said, that the people trying to minister to singles are people who've been married for 15+ years. Their intentions may be good, but they're going to struggle be able to relate to people who are facing different challenges from the ones that they faced back in the day, and that's if they even remember what it was like to be single.

People are no longer getting married as young as they used to and these days it's not uncommon to be single into your 30s. It's an area where churches haven't moved with the times and consequently don't know what to do with singles, especially older ones.

 

[LoveDivine]

Kind of a weird day… I got a little mouthy at small group today. There was a bunch of comments about how the church wanted to make sure our singles group doesn’t become a meat market and how maybe God is choosing to make us single right now because we need to work on ourselves more as individuals before we’re ready for marriage. Both got under my skin.

I said “excuse me, I have a hot take, contrary opinion. I am thankful that the church acknowledges singles at all, but I also know there are many of us here who desire a partner to spend life with. We are told to find a partner who is equally yoked and pursuing faith.. but then told that we shouldn’t be looking in the church for a partner. Sometimes I think the church is so scared of the idea of pre-marital sex that it acts like dating itself is something to be ashamed of.” The leader cut me off and said that the church wants to protect us and make us feel like we could come to group without being hit on. I said “sure, we don’t have to meet people here specifically, but I would like if there were events to bring people together that wanted to pursue dating or studies about how to date well instead of always about being content in singleness.” I got cut off again and they ended up abruptly ending the group for the day. It was frustrating.

Then I went to a singles conference this evening and it was all these presentations by married men who literally introduced themselves as “hi I’m ___ and I’ve been married for ____ years.” They were trying to talk to us about singleness and dating when they all had been married over 15 years.

I just don’t get why the church does this. I feel so let down in this area. But on the bright side all the 30s group was on the same page in our frustrations and we had some good conversation in our frustrated headspace.

Maybe a good solution would be for you or one of your friends from the group to start a separate group chat or Facebook group for the singles who attend regularly. You guys could take turns organizing a fun outing that isn't an official church sanctioned event. More of an informal get together that you can use an opportunity to connect and socialize. Just a thought. That's what I would do in your situation.

 

[SarahsKnight]

People are no longer getting married as young as they used to and these days it's not uncommon to be single into your 30s

Yup. Just look at me! *beams*

 

[Saucy]

Yeah many churches just aren't equipped to run singles ministries. There are few people who step up to help run groups.

 

[MehGuy]

Thinking about how if I don't like certain aspects of myself.. I can just literally change them.

So simple.. lol. At least some of it.

 

[Tranquil Bondservant]

Yeah many churches just aren't equipped to run singles ministries. There are few people who step up to help run groups.

To your point, I don't think I've ever heard a sermon preached on singleness at any Church I've been to. We're in a weird spot in our western societies where the people who are above us in age (therefore Church leadership) had a culture of marriage but the people who they're talking to struggle with singleness because of the degradation of the world into further debauchery. The cultural shifts that have occurred worldwide since the 20s-50s have only promoted singleness if you're a Christian (i.e. birth control, sexual revolution, Atheism, gay marriage), with very few cultural changes towards the promotion of marriage. There's always been these convulsions throughout history but the internet has made it more prominent and widespread than ever before. It think it's a unique time throughout all of history, which when you think about it is a massive statement.