What's on your mind?

[GodDoesListen55]

Donate some donuts..... to me

Ha, you're funny.

 

[bèlla]

Very true! I have a feeling that I am more suited for The uncommon Christian. I haven't figured this yet.

What does that mean in your opinion?

He definitely has a lot of charm. And as much as he made me laugh, I'm sure he makes a lot of other people laugh.

Charm goes a long way. If it appeals put it on your short list of qualities you value.

The only reason I was hyper examining is because I don't trust myself because of past attractions. So I kept evaluating and trying to figure out what it was about him that might be bad? What is the same as past attractions?

You have to trust yourself enough to pull the plug if its the wrong fit or influence. The others appealed for a reason. You’re hoping for similar qualities in a believer. It’s okay to admit that.

If certain things don’t appeal you needn’t pretend. I’ll never be into geeky nerdy types. It’s not me. I’ve talked to them but it isn’t the same vibe. I like confidence and a little swagger. It’s a different energy and it resonates. You have to give yourself permission to prefer something else. It’s okay.

With some guys I've felt I had to hold back part of myself to hold their interest. The guy I talked to yesterday couldn't stop smiling and blushing and having to look away. It was like everything that I said was cute to him. It was refreshing.

The more you can be yourself the better. When I used to cam I’d shower and get dressed and put on fresh makeup. And I did it every night for him. I learned a lot about myself in the process. I wanted the standard. I didn’t know it then but I understand now.

But the attraction is not the same as I felt with some other guys. I do feel this was healthier, but it's really hard to tell when you don't meet somebody in person. At the same time, guys that I have met in person I pretty much had an idea of who they were and my comfort level with them before I even met them.

Some people touch you in places others never reach. The ones who do are the ones I’ve loved. They saw into me in ways the others never will.

You have to make peace with your complexity and difference. When you try to fit a mold it doesn’t work. Because it can’t contain you. Celebrate the things that make you uniquely you.

Most of my life in the past I've been very reserved about expressing my attraction to someone.

If you like them say it. All they can do is agree or not. They have no more power than you assign. I always ask what he wants. We’re not gonna play games. If you allow someone to hold their cards to their chest they will.

He text me in the morning saying that he was trying to detach, but that it was hard. I kept my answers very short and said the same. I really think he's having a harder time than I am.

If you’ve found what you’re looking for you need to make it happen. Sometimes discomfort is necessary to shake people out of their comfort. You’ll find a way when living without them is more painful than the sacrifice.

Let him struggle and pray for him too.

 

[bèlla]

@RileyG How are you holding up? Still doing okay?

 

[sampa]

.

 

[DragonFox91]

Today I found a case from a few years ago where a man was convicted of murder for leaving his baby son in a car all day & baby died of heat exhaustion. It just dropped a couple hours ago a couple of the murder convictions are overturned.

Wow. They all got overturned. Going to retrial.

 

[DragonFox91]

Work slooooooow today

 

[Niels]

You're really even keeled or seem that way through this medium. I think its wonderful. Mindset is a common struggle and you've developed positive ways to keep yours on track and centered. Maybe the pause will allow you to expound on them? Is there a book in you perhaps? When I think about chill and easy going you come to mind. Perhaps you can teach others to do the same.

I'll take that as a compliment. Putting thoughts onto paper (or pixels) can be helpful. Much of what I write isn't shared, especially when it wanders beyond the scope of the discussion, but my writings are usually saved somewhere. Would they work as a book? Maybe, but it's hard to say. For starters, I'd need to decide on the genre. Fiction, non-fiction, philosophy, or theology. The use of metaphor could take it in different directions.

While I wouldn't necessarily say that I'm more even-keeled than the next person, I do try to keep things in perspective. God gets the credit for that. Continuing with the boat analogy, let's say this boat also has a sail. The evenness of its keel depends on the interplay between the wind, the waves, and how the sailor responds. Sometimes, the boat leans heavily to one side while coming about and racing downwind. Skipping across the waves. At other times, there are unexpected gusts or the wind changes direction. I find that focusing on when to tack, when to jibe, and what to do with the sail is more interesting than remaining upset or accepting current circumstances as fate.

 

[bèlla]

Wow. They all got overturned. Going to retrial.

They'll probably try him for manslaughter instead. Defense will try to go for involuntary. But I don't think it will work. He left a baby unattended all day. They'll cite the willingness to do so as malice.

 

[DragonFox91]

They'll probably try him for manslaughter instead. Defense will try to go for involuntary. But I don't think it will work. He left a baby unattended all day. They'll cite the willingness to do so as malice.

I don't know! I've been listening to the original trial all day & yesterday. (I don't usually care for actually listening to the trials b/c I usually find them boring lol but not much else on this case & I find it interesting)

I actually stumbled on it yesterday while searching for police interrogations & when I was doing some background research I stumbled it just dropped yesterday it was going to retrial.

 

[bèlla]

So that's one useful thing that has been helpful is through the dating process, I have been discovering what kinds of attractions that I have.

Interactions help you discover what resonates. You begin to see patterns or notice responses you didn't expect. It changes over time as you change and mature. But some things remain the same. The importance placed on certain qualities can shift as well.

I know I am attracted to language and the way that they speak. Charm might be part of that. I think intelligence is very high too. There's so much it's hard to pinpoint.

It's important for you to come to terms with the man you want. Part of the discovery is understanding why its desirable. What is it addressing, supporting, or preventing? There's a reason why you want it and the ones who lack it don't appeal.

Talking to someone may be helpful. They can zero in on the things you're overlooking or oblivious to. It doesn't mean the reasons are bad, good, or in between. It is. Knowing the why helps in your development and engagement. You can address the negatives and strengthen the other.

No matter what you're seeking you have to count the cost of your choice. Whether it requires scrutiny, personal improvement, or a longer wait. You have to be honest with yourself. Once you come to the truth the process is easier. You'll begin to draw that type because your mannerisms and verbiage ring true. You're speaking their language and living it too.

The measure of your desire should be the measure of your complement. If you're looking for a leader you need an ability to follow. You want a gentleman you need to be a lady and so on. Their position on the scale is your guideline. If they're in the middle in the scale and you're in a similar place that's fine.

But if they're on the latter end and you're on the opposite side that's a problem unless it complements the other. Their expectations will move in tandem and you'll fall short. It's better to grow together than enter a situation where you need to catch up. More than likely they've encountered others who are already there. There must be a reason for the exception. When given a choice most opt for the sure thing.

There are some who enjoy grooming women and bringing them up to speed. But they're usually in control and that doesn't change. That isn't for everyone either. While I don't refer to men as alphas I'm aware the further they are on the leader/control scale the more they require the opposite. If he's at 85% he's after 15% or less on the other side or they'll clash. She has to have a strong propensity to yield. That's how it works.

 

[bèlla]

I don't know! I've been listening to the original trial all day & yesterday. (I don't usually care for actually listening to the trials b/c I usually find them boring lol but not much else on this case & I find it interesting)

I was shocked when you posted it. There was a lot of media coverage on this issue years ago. Warning parents about the danger of leaving children and animals locked in cars. Especially during the summer.

They pursued the murder charge for blatant neglect. Probably citing its age, lack of food, soiling, emotional duress and so on. Babies can't care for themselves. You can imagine the state it was in. A jury wouldn't empathize with that. It sounds cruel and it is.

When I read your comment I thought about insurance. What compelled him to do it? We're not talking about an hour or running in a store. There had to be a bigger reason involved. They may try the incompetency route. Most jurors would hang him on this. They'd have to weed out the ones with children. But even still you know someone with kids or have them in your family. This is a hard sell.

 

[DragonFox91]

I was shocked when you posted it. There was a lot of media coverage on this issue years ago. Warning parents about the danger of leaving children and animals locked in cars. Especially during the summer.

They pursued the murder charge for blatant neglect. Probably citing its age, lack of food, soiling, emotional duress and so on. Babies can't care for themselves. You can imagine the state it was in. A jury wouldn't empathize with that. It sounds cruel and it is.

When I read your comment I thought about insurance. What compelled him to do it? We're not talking about an hour or running in a store. There had to be a bigger reason involved. They may try the incompetency route. Most jurors would hang him on this. They'd have to weed out the ones with children. But even still you know someone with kids or have them in your family. This is a hard sell.

He was flirting / sexting w/ other women & hired prostitutes. But I think they're going to throw all that out in the retrial for some reason.

 

[bèlla]

I'll take that as a compliment. Putting thoughts onto paper (or pixels) can be helpful. Much of what I write isn't shared, especially when it wanders beyond the scope of the discussion, but my writings are usually saved somewhere. Would they work as a book? Maybe, but it's hard to say. For starters, I'd need to decide on the genre. Fiction, non-fiction, philosophy, or theology. The use of metaphor could take it in different directions.

It was meant as a compliment.

You could present it in either guise. But I think non-fiction or fiction along the lines of The Legend of the Monk could work. Especially the latter given your utilization of metaphors and imagery.

While I wouldn't necessarily say that I'm more even-keeled than the next person, I do try to keep things in perspective. God gets the credit for that. Continuing with the boat analogy, let's say this boat also has a sail. The evenness of its keel depends on the interplay between the wind, the waves, and how the sailor responds. Sometimes, the boat leans heavily to one side while coming about and racing downwind. Skipping across the waves. At other times, there are unexpected gusts or the wind changes direction. I find that focusing on when to tack, when to jibe, and what to do with the sail is more interesting than remaining upset or accepting current circumstances as fate.

That's beautifully stated and incredibly wise. The analogy should be a sticky and you should save it elsewhere. You could unpack that in a blog post, video, teaching series or a book. It's that good. You exemplify what I mean by moving with the current. That doesn't imply an omission of storms or challenges. You keep your head and that's the difference. When you lose it you're adding to the problem.

 

[bèlla]

He was flirting / sexting w/ other women & hired prostitutes. But I think they're going to throw all that out in the retrial for some reason.

What?? Good grief. It substantiates cruelty. Getting it removed will give the impression he made a mistake or was careless not malicious.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

Where oh where has @Miss Spaulding gone? Oh where, oh where could she be?

 

[Saucy]

Where oh where has @Miss Spaulding gone? Oh where, oh where could she be?

Oh she has her a man now. She doesn't need us anymore

 

[Vinter]

 

[sampa]

Again, some great thoughts!

Interactions help you discover what resonates. You begin to see patterns or notice responses you didn't expect. It changes over time as you change and mature. But some things remain the same. The importance placed on certain qualities can shift as well.

Agreed!

Talking to someone may be helpful. They can zero in on the things you're overlooking or oblivious to. It doesn't mean the reasons are bad, good, or in between. It i

I hope so. But I'm not holding my breath. I'm not sure how much the counseling sessions will get out of four sessions. Friends that have seen me in dating situations or attractions have had some interesting feedback.

You have to be honest with yourself.

Agreed!

You're speaking their language and living it too.

I hope to have that. It's one one marked with humility. Both of us recognizing our flaws, and giving each other floor space to speak.

The measure of your desire should be the measure of your complement. If

I think this is the best course to take.

you're looking for a leader you need an ability to follow. You want a gentleman you need to be a lady and so on. Their position on the scale is your guideline. If they're in the middle in the scale and you're in a similar place that's fine.

I always wonder if I will be able to be that compliment to someone someday.

But if they're on the latter end and you're on the opposite side that's a problem unless it complements the other. Th

Agreed!

better to grow together than enter a situation where you need to catch up

I agree on this one too. It's too exhausting. I think of my cousin's girlfriend that traveled and her friend met another guy in South Africa. She has the stomach lupus. She's living in a mansion but she's always in some kind of flair. He's very controlling.

There are some who enjoy grooming women and bringing them up to speed. But they're usually in control and that doesn't change.

I don't think that would be for me. I already went through something like that in my upbringing. It was a constant prison for me up no freedom. I'm a very creative individual. A lot to ponder on.

 

[GodDoesListen55]

OW!!! I cannot believe I stubbed my toe so hard that now my whole pinky is bruised. Boy, does that hurt, ugh!

 

[Jonaitis]

I found this band randomly on facebook, but they are extremely cool (no pun intended). They are a Siberian band.