I have never considered myself as intimidating but I do believe a large personality can make those who already feel small, feel even smaller.
A thought crossed my mind over coffee. Big personalities are nothing new. They were championed in the eighties and climbing the ladder always referenced personality to some degree. So what's changed? The Internet.
We spend more time in the company of strangers than friends. Once upon a time strangers weren't privy to our thoughts, feelings, interests, or activities. These were private things we shared with friends and loved ones. But the Internet changed that. We've invited strangers into our homes.
Where does personality come in? Where we have limited control in our surroundings. Workmates, classmates, neighbors, and churchgoers. We have no jurisdiction over who comes and goes. That was the norm. Of the four, workmates are hardest to avoid. You learn to make do.
The absence of physicality in the digital space alters the environment. We rely on mental and emotional processes more than the physical. Personality can impact our experiences in this realm. In the early days that wasn't a problem. The numbers were smaller and the negative impacts hadn't occurred. Our digital lives hadn't superseded the natural. 'Real' was still reality.
But over time that changed. The Internet became more than it should have. It became a surrogate for what was lacking. The continual shift from human connection created digital citizens. They exist in one plane and reside in another.
The Internet replaced the natural plane for some. It's the only avenue for human relationships. No one calls or visits beyond family. No one invites them to grab coffee. They're alone and friendless. Their physical presence is largely ignored. The only place they matter is online.
They comprise the new generation of left behind's. The one we don't discuss. Most attribute the term to financial disparities. But multiple gaps are happening simultaneously.
You can be left behind financially. A lack of means can prohibit you from having decent food devoid of chemicals and additives. Just because you can't pay more for the non poisonous options.
You can be left behind emotionally. Starved of human interactions and friendships. While others develop meaningful connections you're left on the sidelines. Friendlessness has never been greater than it is today.
You can be left behind relationally. Deprived of romantic partnership. Unable to find someone to share your life with. It isn't a temporary pause. It's an ongoing problem which knows no root.
You can be left behind professionally. Your prospects are limited and will never move the needle. You live in an endless cycle of poverty.
This isn't small stuff. They're major things most would cite as necessary for a thriving life. Yet they're going unmet for many. The Internet is the world's gathering space. You can find others like yourself in this realm. Those who share your hardships and interests.
But you'll also find the other. The ones who aren't struggling. Those who haven't been left behind. This is where it gets dicey. You can't avoid them. Everywhere you turn there's a reminder: Websites, social media, podcasts, forums, etc. The media sells the ideal.
The person is inundated with frequent reminders of their condition on a daily basis. Each day they encounter someone doing what they can't. Having what they lack. Or enjoying what evades them. Every single day.
After awhile it takes a toll. They can't handle bubbly or big. Because it's all the same. Another brick in the wall. Another knife in the gut. And they're bleeding.
Big personalities are meaningless to the contented. You like them or love them. But when you're running on empty they present a different message. They're winning and you're not. You're on the outside looking in. And you just want the same. But you can't get over the hump.