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My biggest stumbling block was fairness. Is fair to desire certain things. Is it fair to hold them to the standard others met. Is it fair to have the ‘best’ in light of your circumstances. Should you consider less.
For a time I thought I could. But I came to my senses. I’m bella. When you glimpse my good vibes thread you’re seeing me. Everyone isn’t interested in afternoon tea, pretty surroundings, or evenings spent by candlelight with classical music in the background.
They don’t need that. But I do. And that isn’t going to change. A multidimensional connection. Someone with a passion for books, food, travel, and so on who’s doing it now.
A man who understands my love of Austen and takes me to Bath to see the light in my eyes. Because she inspired me and he gets it. Someone who feeds the whole.
I want to talk about God and…
I went to Bath a few times years ago. The Roman baths are interesting, but admission is quite expensive. I went on a slightly cold autumnal day, and the water in the bath was gently steaming into the sky above. Around the outside of the bath is the location where the hot spring flows out of the ground, and into the main bath via a small open channel. You have to step across the channel during the tour, and there were signs saying not to put your hands in it. I had paid a lot of money to get in, so I ignored the signs, and put my hand in the small stream at my feet to feel the temperature. I'm still alive, so I obviously survived the experience of putting my hand in the hot spring.A man who understands my love of Austen and takes me to Bath to see the light in my eyes. Because she inspired me and he gets it. Someone who feeds the whole.
I'm sorry to hear that. When did the depression begin? Might there be other explanations for your lack of creativity? For example, I think people in full time jobs sometimes find it difficult to be creative outside of work. If people have already worked a full day, it's often hard to find the energy for creativity. When I worked in another city it took me 90 minutes to get to work. I was spending 3 hours a day driving. Even though I liked the job, it was kind of depressing each day to think that I'd already spent 90 minutes just getting to work, and I hadn't even begun the day's work yet. Most days when I got home, I was too tired to do anything for myself that was interesting, useful, or creative.
You have to step across the channel during the tour, and there were signs saying not to put your hands in it. I had paid a lot of money to get in, so I ignored the signs, and put my hand in the small stream at my feet to feel the temperature. I'm still alive, so I obviously survived the experience of putting my hand in the hot spring.
Another time, a girlfriend wanted to visit the Fashion Museum, so we went there. You would love it, as they have many costumes going back hundreds of years.
Apart from the Roman baths and the fashion museum, there is also the Georgian architecture to admire.
I like playing the music everybody secretly likes, but maybe is a little hesitant to bump publicly...
I've read about it before in a travel book. Sounds very interesting and maybe something I should do when I eventually go to Europe. That's my dream is to pay off my debts and save up for London and Europe I have a couple friends there too.I went to Bath a few times years ago. The Roman baths are interesting, but admission is quite expensive. I went on a slightly cold autumnal day, and the water in the bath was gently steaming into the sky above. Around the outside of the bath is the location where the hot spring flows out of the ground, and into the main bath via a small open channel. You have to step across the channel during the tour, and there were signs saying not to put your hands in it. I had paid a lot of money to get in, so I ignored the signs, and put my hand in the small stream at my feet to feel the temperature. I'm still alive, so I obviously survived the experience of putting my hand in the hot spring.
Another time, a girlfriend wanted to visit the Fashion Museum, so we went there. You would love it, as they have many costumes going back hundreds of years.
Fashion Museum in Bath
Apart from the Roman baths and the fashion museum, there is also the Georgian architecture to admire.
Royal Crescent - Wikipedia
I'm sorry to hear that, MehGuy. Ten years is a long time to be living under a fog of depression. I hope that there is some improvement for you soon.No, it's depression. I have symptoms of very serious depression. Libido dead, everything is numb. Empathy is pretty much dead. Hard to have inspiration when everything is grey.
My depression really began when I lost my faith over 10 years ago.. but these last few years the numbness has really kicked in.
I'm sorry to hear that, MehGuy. Ten years is a long time to be living under a fog of depression. I hope that there is some improvement for you soon.
My musical tastes are changing. I don't listen to metal anymore or hard rock for that matter. It doesn't resonate. There's nothing wrong with it. But I like a softer mood. There's too much angst in the world and I don't want it in my home. My desire for calm is growing.
Wow, such a nice event. Extemely happy to read your report about it.Hey @bèlla , you were in my dream last night!
I was surprised at how white you looked and I remember thinking, wow, she really is the way she is on here...irl, and she is from a totally different world than me.
Yeah, I know, strange...I've been having fun dreams of late!
That's a nice, balanced way of seeing it, I think, Bella.
For several years i prayed and begged God daily to end my life, the spiritual pain was excruciating and there was no hope of a better condition.Only thing I can really hope is that the depression exhausts itself. Although I've also read that depression literally changes the brain structure. So yeah.. I'm probably in permanent trouble.
I’m listening to Fitzgerald and this is over the top by my standards! A room laden with diamonds and a plate covered with two layers of diamonds. I had to replay it to be certain I heard him correctly.
Hey, uh, Bella...
I don't know if you're aware of this...
...but...
...your poetry is showing...
Soul hunger usually derails it. The want for love, depth, and acceptance squeezes the bud and chokes the life out of it. All that remains are fragments of what might have been.
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