What Does God Want Me to Do Here?

[Matisyahu8898]

I am in a weird scenario right now, and I don't really know what to do about it. I'm trying to figure what God's will for me is in this situation. Please respond in a way that helps me understand His will. I know God speaks to us through His Word and through His children. So as I am reading His Word, I am telling anyone who will listen about this for insight. I know this is long, but it's been killing me! Please help me, or pray for me in any way you can.

So, first off, I'm a 20 year old man, who loves the Lord. I'm in college right now and met this girl I really like in my class who sits next to me. So I started praying to God essentially asking, "I like this girl, if this is a good thing, let me get to know her. If it's not good, keep me far away." As the class progressed I hadn't really talked to her as much as I'd like to, because she kept showing up just as class started and leaving as soon as it ended without time for me to talk. I thought maybe this was God's way of saying, "no" and just asked if God could take away my attractions for her. That didn't work...

The next time I saw her, for some reason I was super attracted to her! I had a friend tell me that maybe I had successfully given this over to God, so God gave it back to me. Not too sure exactly what was happening, but that was enough for me to start trying harder to talk to her, and praying for opportunities. As the class continued more, I got to know her better just by having friendly conversation and being a good classmate.

Once I started planning to ask her out, I felt a calling to move to Scotland! Long story, short, I want to go to seminary in Edinburgh (I live in the US right now). After shifting all of my focus to that, I figured out that I want to go, and had multiple friends and family back me up on my calling, and encouraged me to go. I'd be leaving in less than a year, and thought I should stop pursuing a relationship with this girl. I mean, I don't want to get to know her really well just to leave and hurt us both. Also, as I mentioned above, I literally prayed for God to, "keep me far away" if He doesn't want me to be with her. So I prayed again for God to take away my attractions for her, so I can forget about the whole thing. That didn't work...

Not only was I more attracted to her once again, a ton of weird, undeniable coincidences kept happening that I can only explain using God. For instance:
The first would be that I became more attracted to her right after praying about it.
Second, she said she was single in front of the whole class in responding to a question asked by the teacher.
Third, my dog had a litter of puppies, and I've been showing her pictures of them. She apparently really likes puppies, and they could not have been born at a better time (for the sake of length, I won't explain why).
Fourth, I figured out that she really wants to live outside of the country for awhile. In the low chance that it all worked out really well, my moving to Scotland would be exciting for her, and she'd possibly want to move with me. Of course that's extremely unlikely, but I still thought it was worth mentioning, since most people don't feel that way, and it was relevant to my story.
There were even more smaller unlikely things, but I'll stop there, since I think that's enough. Those are the significant ones, anyway.

Then I found another roadblock...she told me she has a boyfriend. I didn't ask her out, it just came up in a conversation. I don't know if she was lying earlier, or if it's a new relationship, but I'm pretty sure she's not lying now. Once again I prayed, "God, what should I do?" Obviously I don't want to get between her and her boyfriend, but I felt so strongly that this is what God wanted. At this point in the story, I was so confused! It's like I'm hearing, "Stop. No, GO! Stop. Don't stop, GO!" from God, and it feels almost like two different voices. One voice is telling me, "You can't do this, you need to give up. I will give you another barrier if you keep trying." And another is saying, "Keep putting your best foot forward, I'll guide your steps. You can do this!" But I've been constantly praying about this. Lately, it's been hours a day that I spend alone with God, singing (I like playing the guitar and singing praise to God), and reading, and straight up asking. I don't know what the future holds, but I want what's best for her.

Then God gave me another reason to keep going forward. (This constant back and forth in my brain is killing me!) The only thing I know about her boyfriend is that he really likes Game of Thrones. If you're not familiar with that TV show, it's basically just inappropriate contentography with dragons to distract you from what it really is. No doubt, the reason it is so successful is because of the obscene amount of sex and nudity in that show. So if this boyfriend of hers is leading her into inappropriate contentography, he can't be a very good influence on her. I'm not saying I'm an awesome person who's way better than this guy that I've never met. He might be a strong Christian who'd be perfect for her--but given the only detail I know about him, I doubt it.

Now if I love her, which I do in every way Paul describes love in 1 Corinthians 13, then I want what's ultimately best for her. But what if what's best for her is getting to know me? I don't mean for that to sound selfish, but what if God is drawing me towards this girl, because it's actually what's best for her? It's possible that God wants me to get to know her for her sake. To save her from a bad relationship. I'm speculating, but I'm really just trying to reconcile this in my head.

Any advice you can give me, I would love! As I mentioned earlier, I'm really asking what you think God wants me to do. But I'll take any advice or prayers you can give me.

I'm seriously really upset about the whole situation, and I was so confused the other day, I was crying. I feel blessed that God has given me His attention lately, but it's still hard. I really want to do what's right, but I also really want to be with this girl.

My only specific questions are:
Is it wrong to flirt with her if I know she has a boyfriend?
Also (and this sounds malicious to me, but I'm honestly asking...), is it wrong to pray for them to break up to increase my chances with her?

And full disclosure, I'm not fantasizing about her, or sexually driven to sleep with her. I just really want to get to know her. After class, what I really want the most in the world is just to spend more time with her. I'm always so sad that I won't be able to see her until the next class. After all, I only get to see her for an hour and fifteen minutes twice a week. I'm fascinated by her, and it pains me that I don't know more about her, and I only get to see her for a little bit each week.

Thanks!
Matt

 

[maintenance man]

Who doesn't love puppies?

First of all, I think it's really crazy to believe she might travel to Edinburgh with you.

Nevertheless, my feeling is that God is pushing you toward this girl for some reason.

Is it for you to be together or for you or her to experience something apart from a relationship I don't know.

Regarding pursuing her even though she has a boyfriend - I would say if your intent is to break them up - yes that is wrong - if your intent is simply to get to know her - that's fine.

My advice: Get to know her. Find a casual way to get together with her - not a date - she has a boyfriend. Coffee after class. Lunch after class. Library to study together. Something casual and all about getting to know her not turning her into your girlfriend.

I feel that's what God wants.

You'll know more after that.

Blessings!

 

[Matisyahu8898]

Who doesn't love puppies?

First of all, I think it's really crazy to believe she might travel to Edinburgh with you.

Nevertheless, my feeling is that God is pushing you toward this girl for some reason.

Is it for you to be together or for you or her to experience something apart from a relationship I don't know.

Regarding pursuing her even though she has a boyfriend - I would say if your intent is to break them up - yes that is wrong - if your intent is simply to get to know her - that's fine.

My advice: Get to know her. Find a casual way to get together with her - not a date - she has a boyfriend. Coffee after class. Lunch after class. Library to study together. Something casual and all about getting to know her not turning her into your girlfriend.

I feel that's what God wants.

You'll know more after that.

Blessings!

First off, thanks for replying! I know it's crazy to think that she'd want to move, but I thought it was still worth mentioning. I'm afraid, though, that if I ask her to do anything outside of class, she would see it as me asking her out. And my intention is not to split them up. My intention is to be with her.

 

[maintenance man]

I'm afraid, though, that if I ask her to do anything outside of class, she would see it as me asking her out. And my intention is not to split them up. My intention is to be with her.

First of all, you need to let go of that intention and make your intention to get to know her.

Secondly, you just need some time to chat with her about what's going on in her life to see if she responds to you with information that suggest the boyfriend is not a firm relationship and she may be open to seeing other guys.

What does she do after class? Does she just run to her car? Can you walk with her? Just go wherever she's going and strike up a conversation.

 

[John the Ex-Baptist]

Now if I love her, which I do in every way Paul describes love in 1 Corinthians 13, then I want what's ultimately best for her. But what if what's best for her is getting to know me? I don't mean for that to sound selfish, but what if God is drawing me towards this girl, because it's actually what's best for her? It's possible that God wants me to get to know her for her sake. To save her from a bad relationship. I'm speculating, but I'm really just trying to reconcile this in my head.

I hope this doesn't come across too harshly my friend, but what you are doing is trying to justify a covetous desire, and use the name of God to do so. Covetousness is to crave after something that is not yours, and will never be something that you are being led into by God.

As Christians we are now justified in Christ, although set free from the curse of the Law on account of our sins, we are now called to live our lives in the light of God's perfect Law with a thankful heart. Not to be justified in His sight, but because we are already justified in His sight. Obviously this means fighting against our sinful flesh on a daily basis, which can often get the better of us, and if left unchecked will lead us astray. I hate to say it my brother, but it sounds like this may be happening to you right now.

The easiest litmus test, so to speak, is to think upon a simple principle. In what I am doing, saying, thinking, desiring etc., am I loving my neighbour as myself? If I were to switch places, what would I want to be done to me? When someone else is already in a relationship, that will never include you playing a part in breaking that relationship to benefit yourself, no matter how you want to dress it up. Also you could ask yourself if you would like to be led into a relationship with someone, growing to love and care for one another, only to find that at some point in the near future, you will be expected to turn your life upside down if you intend for it to continue.

I'm speaking this in love, and I can genuinely sympathise with you. But if I were you, I would grit your teeth and tell yourself it's a no go on this occasion. If things change in her relationship with this guy, then maybe try and get to know her better, and see where it leads. It's not about expecting God to tell you what way to turn at every step of the way. But rather to use you mind, and your self control and consider how you should live your life in the light of what God's Law reveals to be right or wrong. Where your desires conflict with that which you know God's Law teaches, then I'm afraid the change is always demanded of you, even if it hurts for a while.

God bless,

John

 

[Matisyahu8898]

First of all, you need to let go of that intention and make your intention to get to know her.

Secondly, you just need some time to chat with her about what's going on in her life to see if she responds to you with information that suggest the boyfriend is not a firm relationship and she may be open to seeing other guys.

What does she do after class? Does she just run to her car? Can you walk with her? Just go wherever she's going and strike up a conversation.

You make a good point. Getting to know her should be my priority. Thanks so much for helping me.

And, she just runs to her car. I've tried to walk with her, but she always grabs her phone and calls someone. She never says anything, she just puts her phone to her ear, and keeps walking. Either the person on the other end never picks up, or she is faking it. Although, I don't know why she would be faking it. But there are other ways I could probably accomplish that. It's also a pretty laid back class. The teacher doesn't mind if we talk a little bit during the class.

 

[Matisyahu8898]

I hope this doesn't come across too harshly my friend, but what you are doing is trying to justify a covetous desire, and use the name of God to do so. Covetousness is to crave after something that is not yours, and will never be something that you are being led into by God.

As Christians we are now justified in Christ, although set free from the curse of the Law on account of our sins, we are now called to live our lives in the light of God's perfect Law with a thankful heart. Not to be justified in His sight, but because we are already justified in His sight. Obviously this means fighting against our sinful flesh on a daily basis, which can often get the better of us, and if left unchecked will lead us astray. I hate to say it my brother, but it sounds like this may be happening to you right now.

The easiest litmus test, so to speak, is to think upon a simple principle. In what I am doing, saying, thinking, desiring etc., am I loving my neighbour as myself? If I were to switch places, what would I want to be done to me? When someone else is already in a relationship, that will never include you playing a part in breaking that relationship to benefit yourself, no matter how you want to dress it up. Also you could ask yourself if you would like to be led into a relationship with someone, growing to love and care for one another, only to find that at some point in the near future, you will be expected to turn your life upside down if you intend for it to continue.

I'm speaking this in love, and I can genuinely sympathise with you. But if I were you, I would grit your teeth and tell yourself it's a no go on this occasion. If things change in her relationship with this guy, then maybe try and get to know her better, and see where it leads. It's not about expecting God to tell you what way to turn at every step of the way. But rather to use you mind, and your self control and consider how you should live your life in the light of what God's Law reveals to be right or wrong. Where your desires conflict with that which you know God's Law teaches, then I'm afraid the change is always demanded of you, even if it hurts for a while.

God bless,

John

First off, thank you for having the courage to say this to me. If I'm wrong, I'm going to need some to tell me. Now you say, "Covetousness is to crave after something that is not yours," but women aren't property. And her boyfriend does not own her.

Although, I understand that if I put myself in his shoes, I wouldn't want me to get in between them. But I can't just forget that all of those coincidences never happened! How do you dismiss that? I've never had such a strong calling.

I really want to do what's right, so thank you for helping me, but what if what's right is getting to know her? Honestly, it seems that most of your basis is upon putting myself in his shoes. But is it a sin to not follow that rule? Also, I'm trying to put myself in the girl's shoes. That's why I'm asking if this is possibly for her good?

 

[maintenance man]

That's why I'm asking if this is possibly for her good?

This is where I agree with you. It possibly could be for her good. We have no clue what the relationship with the boyfriend is like or even if it exist. The only way to find out is to ask her with no intention of anything other than getting to know her.

 

[Matisyahu8898]

This is where I agree with you. It possibly could be for her good. We have no clue what the relationship with the boyfriend is like or even if it exist. The only way to find out is to ask her with no intention of anything other than getting to know her.

Thank you so much! Your insight has really helped me. I still feel like what I am doing is wrong to some extent, so I will proceed with extra caution, but at the end of the day, getting to know her at least isn't wrong. So I'll start with that.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Matisyahu8898]

Is she a Christian? Have you questioned her as to her boyfriend liking that type of game? Don't try to ask her out. Don't try to break them apart, just show genuine care for her as a person. Be a friend only at this point in your lives. You are a fellow student and just want to help her with some good advice.

Thanks. I don't know if she's a Christian or not. She's certainly very nice, friendly, and loving. But I couldn't say either way.

I assume you're talking about Game of Thrones when you mention the game. It's a TV show, but I do know that her boyfriend really likes the show. He put in one of the character's names as a write in option in the election. That's all I know about him.

Thanks for the advice, though. I'll start by being her friend. And while I do that, I'll be constantly in prayer, and proceed with caution.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Matisyahu8898]

How does she look at you? Does she try to get near you? Does she make a point to talk to you or about you? Does she text you? Just be a friend, as boyfriends are sometimes here and then gone soon as that one was not a good match. Right now, she just needs someone to be a friend that listens, laughs with her, and offers caring advice.

She kind of does those things. Though, not really. More than most, but not much. And we don't text, because I don't have her number. I'll take what you said, and try to be with her as much as I can, while being her friend. Maybe something will change.