I am in a weird scenario right now, and I don't really know what to do about it. I'm trying to figure what God's will for me is in this situation. Please respond in a way that helps me understand His will. I know God speaks to us through His Word and through His children. So as I am reading His Word, I am telling anyone who will listen about this for insight. I know this is long, but it's been killing me! Please help me, or pray for me in any way you can.
So, first off, I'm a 20 year old man, who loves the Lord. I'm in college right now and met this girl I really like in my class who sits next to me. So I started praying to God essentially asking, "I like this girl, if this is a good thing, let me get to know her. If it's not good, keep me far away." As the class progressed I hadn't really talked to her as much as I'd like to, because she kept showing up just as class started and leaving as soon as it ended without time for me to talk. I thought maybe this was God's way of saying, "no" and just asked if God could take away my attractions for her. That didn't work...
The next time I saw her, for some reason I was super attracted to her! I had a friend tell me that maybe I had successfully given this over to God, so God gave it back to me. Not too sure exactly what was happening, but that was enough for me to start trying harder to talk to her, and praying for opportunities. As the class continued more, I got to know her better just by having friendly conversation and being a good classmate.
Once I started planning to ask her out, I felt a calling to move to Scotland! Long story, short, I want to go to seminary in Edinburgh (I live in the US right now). After shifting all of my focus to that, I figured out that I want to go, and had multiple friends and family back me up on my calling, and encouraged me to go. I'd be leaving in less than a year, and thought I should stop pursuing a relationship with this girl. I mean, I don't want to get to know her really well just to leave and hurt us both. Also, as I mentioned above, I literally prayed for God to, "keep me far away" if He doesn't want me to be with her. So I prayed again for God to take away my attractions for her, so I can forget about the whole thing. That didn't work...
Not only was I more attracted to her once again, a ton of weird, undeniable coincidences kept happening that I can only explain using God. For instance:
The first would be that I became more attracted to her right after praying about it.
Second, she said she was single in front of the whole class in responding to a question asked by the teacher.
Third, my dog had a litter of puppies, and I've been showing her pictures of them. She apparently really likes puppies, and they could not have been born at a better time (for the sake of length, I won't explain why).
Fourth, I figured out that she really wants to live outside of the country for awhile. In the low chance that it all worked out really well, my moving to Scotland would be exciting for her, and she'd possibly want to move with me. Of course that's extremely unlikely, but I still thought it was worth mentioning, since most people don't feel that way, and it was relevant to my story.
There were even more smaller unlikely things, but I'll stop there, since I think that's enough. Those are the significant ones, anyway.
Then I found another roadblock...she told me she has a boyfriend. I didn't ask her out, it just came up in a conversation. I don't know if she was lying earlier, or if it's a new relationship, but I'm pretty sure she's not lying now. Once again I prayed, "God, what should I do?" Obviously I don't want to get between her and her boyfriend, but I felt so strongly that this is what God wanted. At this point in the story, I was so confused! It's like I'm hearing, "Stop. No, GO! Stop. Don't stop, GO!" from God, and it feels almost like two different voices. One voice is telling me, "You can't do this, you need to give up. I will give you another barrier if you keep trying." And another is saying, "Keep putting your best foot forward, I'll guide your steps. You can do this!" But I've been constantly praying about this. Lately, it's been hours a day that I spend alone with God, singing (I like playing the guitar and singing praise to God), and reading, and straight up asking. I don't know what the future holds, but I want what's best for her.
Then God gave me another reason to keep going forward. (This constant back and forth in my brain is killing me!) The only thing I know about her boyfriend is that he really likes Game of Thrones. If you're not familiar with that TV show, it's basically just inappropriate contentography with dragons to distract you from what it really is. No doubt, the reason it is so successful is because of the obscene amount of sex and nudity in that show. So if this boyfriend of hers is leading her into inappropriate contentography, he can't be a very good influence on her. I'm not saying I'm an awesome person who's way better than this guy that I've never met. He might be a strong Christian who'd be perfect for her--but given the only detail I know about him, I doubt it.
Now if I love her, which I do in every way Paul describes love in 1 Corinthians 13, then I want what's ultimately best for her. But what if what's best for her is getting to know me? I don't mean for that to sound selfish, but what if God is drawing me towards this girl, because it's actually what's best for her? It's possible that God wants me to get to know her for her sake. To save her from a bad relationship. I'm speculating, but I'm really just trying to reconcile this in my head.
Any advice you can give me, I would love! As I mentioned earlier, I'm really asking what you think God wants me to do. But I'll take any advice or prayers you can give me.
I'm seriously really upset about the whole situation, and I was so confused the other day, I was crying. I feel blessed that God has given me His attention lately, but it's still hard. I really want to do what's right, but I also really want to be with this girl.
My only specific questions are:
Is it wrong to flirt with her if I know she has a boyfriend?
Also (and this sounds malicious to me, but I'm honestly asking...), is it wrong to pray for them to break up to increase my chances with her?
And full disclosure, I'm not fantasizing about her, or sexually driven to sleep with her. I just really want to get to know her. After class, what I really want the most in the world is just to spend more time with her. I'm always so sad that I won't be able to see her until the next class. After all, I only get to see her for an hour and fifteen minutes twice a week. I'm fascinated by her, and it pains me that I don't know more about her, and I only get to see her for a little bit each week.
Thanks!
Matt
So, first off, I'm a 20 year old man, who loves the Lord. I'm in college right now and met this girl I really like in my class who sits next to me. So I started praying to God essentially asking, "I like this girl, if this is a good thing, let me get to know her. If it's not good, keep me far away." As the class progressed I hadn't really talked to her as much as I'd like to, because she kept showing up just as class started and leaving as soon as it ended without time for me to talk. I thought maybe this was God's way of saying, "no" and just asked if God could take away my attractions for her. That didn't work...
The next time I saw her, for some reason I was super attracted to her! I had a friend tell me that maybe I had successfully given this over to God, so God gave it back to me. Not too sure exactly what was happening, but that was enough for me to start trying harder to talk to her, and praying for opportunities. As the class continued more, I got to know her better just by having friendly conversation and being a good classmate.
Once I started planning to ask her out, I felt a calling to move to Scotland! Long story, short, I want to go to seminary in Edinburgh (I live in the US right now). After shifting all of my focus to that, I figured out that I want to go, and had multiple friends and family back me up on my calling, and encouraged me to go. I'd be leaving in less than a year, and thought I should stop pursuing a relationship with this girl. I mean, I don't want to get to know her really well just to leave and hurt us both. Also, as I mentioned above, I literally prayed for God to, "keep me far away" if He doesn't want me to be with her. So I prayed again for God to take away my attractions for her, so I can forget about the whole thing. That didn't work...
Not only was I more attracted to her once again, a ton of weird, undeniable coincidences kept happening that I can only explain using God. For instance:
The first would be that I became more attracted to her right after praying about it.
Second, she said she was single in front of the whole class in responding to a question asked by the teacher.
Third, my dog had a litter of puppies, and I've been showing her pictures of them. She apparently really likes puppies, and they could not have been born at a better time (for the sake of length, I won't explain why).
Fourth, I figured out that she really wants to live outside of the country for awhile. In the low chance that it all worked out really well, my moving to Scotland would be exciting for her, and she'd possibly want to move with me. Of course that's extremely unlikely, but I still thought it was worth mentioning, since most people don't feel that way, and it was relevant to my story.
There were even more smaller unlikely things, but I'll stop there, since I think that's enough. Those are the significant ones, anyway.
Then I found another roadblock...she told me she has a boyfriend. I didn't ask her out, it just came up in a conversation. I don't know if she was lying earlier, or if it's a new relationship, but I'm pretty sure she's not lying now. Once again I prayed, "God, what should I do?" Obviously I don't want to get between her and her boyfriend, but I felt so strongly that this is what God wanted. At this point in the story, I was so confused! It's like I'm hearing, "Stop. No, GO! Stop. Don't stop, GO!" from God, and it feels almost like two different voices. One voice is telling me, "You can't do this, you need to give up. I will give you another barrier if you keep trying." And another is saying, "Keep putting your best foot forward, I'll guide your steps. You can do this!" But I've been constantly praying about this. Lately, it's been hours a day that I spend alone with God, singing (I like playing the guitar and singing praise to God), and reading, and straight up asking. I don't know what the future holds, but I want what's best for her.
Then God gave me another reason to keep going forward. (This constant back and forth in my brain is killing me!) The only thing I know about her boyfriend is that he really likes Game of Thrones. If you're not familiar with that TV show, it's basically just inappropriate contentography with dragons to distract you from what it really is. No doubt, the reason it is so successful is because of the obscene amount of sex and nudity in that show. So if this boyfriend of hers is leading her into inappropriate contentography, he can't be a very good influence on her. I'm not saying I'm an awesome person who's way better than this guy that I've never met. He might be a strong Christian who'd be perfect for her--but given the only detail I know about him, I doubt it.
Now if I love her, which I do in every way Paul describes love in 1 Corinthians 13, then I want what's ultimately best for her. But what if what's best for her is getting to know me? I don't mean for that to sound selfish, but what if God is drawing me towards this girl, because it's actually what's best for her? It's possible that God wants me to get to know her for her sake. To save her from a bad relationship. I'm speculating, but I'm really just trying to reconcile this in my head.
Any advice you can give me, I would love! As I mentioned earlier, I'm really asking what you think God wants me to do. But I'll take any advice or prayers you can give me.
I'm seriously really upset about the whole situation, and I was so confused the other day, I was crying. I feel blessed that God has given me His attention lately, but it's still hard. I really want to do what's right, but I also really want to be with this girl.
My only specific questions are:
Is it wrong to flirt with her if I know she has a boyfriend?
Also (and this sounds malicious to me, but I'm honestly asking...), is it wrong to pray for them to break up to increase my chances with her?
And full disclosure, I'm not fantasizing about her, or sexually driven to sleep with her. I just really want to get to know her. After class, what I really want the most in the world is just to spend more time with her. I'm always so sad that I won't be able to see her until the next class. After all, I only get to see her for an hour and fifteen minutes twice a week. I'm fascinated by her, and it pains me that I don't know more about her, and I only get to see her for a little bit each week.
Thanks!
Matt
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