What do we do with a deep desire to be married again?

[HarrisJoel]

I wouldn't be so hard on all the dating sites. There are a couple I've found helpful and, in one case, introduced me to a pretty amazing Christian woman. I'm a missionary, so I was looking for someone with a missionary calling. If interested, check out CalledTogether.us I am reformed in my theology, so I also checked out sovereigngracesingles.com These are a couple that have proven to be the "real deal" in my opinion.

I support your point of view. Those who adhere to Christian ethics need to be very careful when using online resources. Classic sites often have widow-specific chat rooms. For example, maturetenders. But I also think that you should be careful as admins cannot verify the sincerity of such contacts. I would try to look for someone I can verify. But this is roulette .. My father chose to be alone.

 

[AWorkInProgress]

Yeah, my mind has gone there. The OP's question.

I wanted to grow old with my wife, but now she is gone. I am technically still young. I never really wanted to live my life alone, and I felt discusted about the thought of another woman in my life.

I think it's the loneliness, creeps into the soul, and conventional wisdom says to find another spouse to be. I am sure it will come in time, either will happen or not. Now that I know loneliness puts that anxiety into me, I been just kept busy trying to save my household. Take care of those I been charged with.

 

[Rom10:9]

What do we do with the desire to be married again? I am not going to actively "shop for a husband" even if I had the time or energy too. I didn't do that to find the one God brought me in the first place. However, pray as I do to be released from this longing since I do not see the opportunity to even meet any single men showing up in my life, this continues to be a deep desire of my heart. I am not looking for "encouragement that someone will come" because personally, I find that to feel more like a reminder that God has forgotten me. I don't know that I will ever have a significant other in my life. How do you let go of the longing and loneliness?

When someone (our spouse) dies it leaves a void in our lives. We have to feel that void with Christ. It is not easy but with Christ all things are possible. We have to live as Christ. God is in control and sitting on his throne. We have to wait on his timing.
Kent

 

[DaveHTexas]

The desire I believe is absolutely normal. When your spouse passes away, they take with them everything that was them and your relationship with them, intimacy, companionship, friendship, a partner for doing life with. Yes we end up with twice the work, and half of everything else. I can honestly say even if there were available men in your workplace. Do NOT use your professional environemnt as a dating scene. That goes bad pretty much every time I have seen it tried. I was with Debi 17 years, married 15, and no it was nowhere near long enough. If at all possible, surround yourself with friends and family that can help you take some of the load, while you help take some of theirs, and you will find that you all have more time to enjoy life. I honestly wouldn't have a clue how to start dating again these days, not that I am interested at this point, but I am pretty sure I will be. Again workplace entaglements are usually a disaster, so not even going to consider that, no clue how to even approach someone these days. I am hoping and praying not for a mate, but for friendships that I can meet maybe through the church...

 

[Techo]

Oh... sigh... I have been married... to a Christian lady (supposedly). She divorced me. (Won't go into details there). I did the divorce recovery course at a Salvation Army church. Learnt that you are not ready to marry again until you do not need to be married. And... every relationship entered into within two years of the end of a relationship has a 90% chance of failure. I told God that, if he wanted me to have a fatality that was ok with me... but I was not my own, I was bought with a price so, 30 years later I'm still here.
So... what does a single bloke do. I did miss being married and did not expect to remarry. There were a number of single eligible ladies at Church and I started learning ballroom dancing where I met another group of Christian who also include single eligible ladies. Through that group I started going to 2 other adult singles groups but there were none that I would consider marrying... but then... I was there only for the company and not to woo some girl.

It has been said 'keep busy' but it's more than that. As Christians we are called to serve one another. This is what I did. With the spare time I had a I would,where I could, help and serve in other areas of the fellowship. At the time our Church was doing some musical presentations with people from other churches at various places around the State. I was with the roadies setting up the sound gear. The desk needed one of the vocalists to get closer to the Mic so I spoke to her then moved on the next job. The daggers missed me... I was moving too fast. It was only a few years later that I actually met her. I was visiting her Church and she recognized me from that time (and some other events) so invited me to a singles thing she was organizing. Over the next few weeks we spent a lot of time talking to each other. We became best of friends. It was like we always knew each other. We married in 2000, 8 years after I was no longer required, and had 22 wonderful years together. She has graduated and is now singing her songs to the Lord.

I'm old now... cannot see how anyone else would be crazy enough to want to marry me and it's too soon to even consider it in any case... but sometimes it gets lonely. Having gone through it before, 30 years ago, I know I've got to settle and learn to be alone again. It may be this way for the rest of my life but I know, after how God took me through those years before I met my soul mate, He will work this out and bring me to His perfect plan and purpose for my life.

 

[raeeldri]

What do we do with the desire to be married again? I am not going to actively "shop for a husband" even if I had the time or energy too. I didn't do that to find the one God brought me in the first place. However, pray as I do to be released from this longing since I do not see the opportunity to even meet any single men showing up in my life, this continues to be a deep desire of my heart. I am not looking for "encouragement that someone will come" because personally, I find that to feel more like a reminder that God has forgotten me. I don't know that I will ever have a significant other in my life. How do you let go of the longing and loneliness?

The simple answer is to give the desire over to God. That sounds simple but it is the most difficult. I do not know how long it has been since you were married, but I do know that it could take a while before the one God has in mind for you is placed on your path. In our grief, we make poor choices. Let some time pass and see where God takes you. My wife passed last September, and I know the loneliness can and is overwhelming at times and you wonder if you will get through it. A friend of mine said not to make any major changes in your life for a year. Give yourself time to heal and allow God to guide you along the path. I know that it does not lessen the pain and being alone. Yet I know my master has my intentions in mind and when the time is right, He will reveal to us the answer to us. It helps to talk to others who have gone through what you are going through. What I needed at first is not what I need now. I just needed someone I talk to and listen to what I was processing. We do not need sermons and lectures; we need people who will listen to us. As time goes on, I find that I am ready for a dialogue about what to do next. I hope that this helps.
Rick

 

[Techo]

A friend of mine said not to make any major changes in your life for a year.

Well... two years would be better if you are thinking in terms of starting another relationship... at least... that's what they recommend in divorce recovery and the death of a spouse is similar (only without any hope of reconciliation... so you don't have to go through the 'what if' bit). I still have, at least, 9 months to go yet... maybe more depending upon how I adjust.