What de-conversion feels like

[Cat59]

I would LOVE to be able to do that. But, thanks to my Catholic upbringing, I can't get eternal Hell outta my mind. I've always been told, "You don't know when you will die". The implication behind that statement is that being thrown into Hell could happen at any time. Hence, the pressure to "get it right ASAP".

That fear is something I know too, Rosa and it takes a lot to overcome it. I hold to the fact that if you search for truth you will find it and in truth eventually I hope I will find peace.
But taking time out can be good and does not necessarily stop you getting it right as soon as possible. Sometimes walking in a park or forest with friends can help you get closer to the truth than hours spent puzzling indoors or on a forum...

 

[AgnosticMike]

I've just found this thread and haven't read through it all yet. I have to say after being a pastor, teacher and evangelist for many years and being associated with the Christian community for around 40 years that my de-conversion was painful at first. However, I must say that it has been a breath of fresh air. In terms of any so called Christian ethic I am more a Christian than I've ever been before. The shackles of Christian opression have been lifted goving me a sense of what life really has to offer.

Through this experience a few years ago I have been able to lead a more productive life in many ways. I could write so much more, but I have put a bit on a web site I created at http://users.tpg.com.au/mlsheen/index.htm if anyone is interested.

 

[spirit1st]

UNLESS A PERSON WAS BORN OF GOD?THEY WERE NEVER ONE OF GODS KIDS.I know!
Because I died twice.The 1st time thinking I was saved.Never experiamcing the power of the kingdom.Just going to church and living as godly as I could!
But died and was going to hell.I begged the LORD for mercy and recieved it.
Then after a time?I decided to accept HIm as LORD AND MASTER!Then ,I knew the NEW BIRTH!After a time?I died again .Nurses overdozed the whole floor of the hospital.This time?I went to our city in space!
I saw it and it is moving very fast toward earth.I knew this,But could not tell,how these things were revealed to me.I ask the LORD JESUS CHRIST,could I return for my familys sake?HE said yes and found my self in my body again!

 

[Edx]

After a time?I died again .Nurses overdozed the whole floor of the hospital.This time?I went to our city in space!
I saw it and it is moving very fast toward earth.I knew this,But could not tell,how these things were revealed to me.

 

[Nightson]

UNLESS A PERSON WAS BORN OF GOD?THEY WERE NEVER ONE OF GODS KIDS.I know!
Because I died twice.The 1st time thinking I was saved.Never experiamcing the power of the kingdom.Just going to church and living as godly as I could!
But died and was going to hell.I begged the LORD for mercy and recieved it.
Then after a time?I decided to accept HIm as LORD AND MASTER!Then ,I knew the NEW BIRTH!After a time?I died again .Nurses overdozed the whole floor of the hospital.This time?I went to our city in space!
I saw it and it is moving very fast toward earth.I knew this,But could not tell,how these things were revealed to me.I ask the LORD JESUS CHRIST,could I return for my familys sake?HE said yes and found my self in my body again!

Near death experience?

 

[Dragons87]

I've just found this thread and haven't read through it all yet. I have to say after being a pastor, teacher and evangelist for many years and being associated with the Christian community for around 40 years that my de-conversion was painful at first. However, I must say that it has been a breath of fresh air. In terms of any so called Christian ethic I am more a Christian than I've ever been before. The shackles of Christian opression have been lifted goving me a sense of what life really has to offer.

Through this experience a few years ago I have been able to lead a more productive life in many ways. I could write so much more, but I have put a bit on a web site I created at http://users.tpg.com.au/mlsheen/index.htm if anyone is interested.

Just wondering...how equipped were you to do God's Work? Because I've heard stories of people who seemingly do great things for God - except that personally, they haven't accepted Him at all - and many do fail in the end.

You can't work for God before you accept Him personally. You may end up like you, quitting and disgusted, while others may become heretics.

Here's an example and testimony: http://www.purelifeministries.org/Unchained/2006/Jan_06/Features/SG/013006_SG_Deciever.htm

 

[Rosa Mystica]

Just wondering...how equipped were you to do God's Work? Because I've heard stories of people who seemingly do great things for God - except that personally, they haven't accepted Him at all - and many do fail in the end.

You can't work for God before you accept Him personally. You may end up like you, quitting and disgusted, while others may become heretics.

Here's an example and testimony: http://www.purelifeministries.org/Unchained/2006/Jan_06/Features/SG/013006_SG_Deciever.htm

Uh, Dragons, pardon my saying this, but that was not a very tactful post. Only Mike knows his own story. Also, I don't buy the "never a true Christian" theory that is used by some people on this forum to describe deconverts. I don't know if that's what you were trying to say or not, but it kind of sounds like it to me (forgive me if I'm wrong).

 

[Dragons87]

Uh, Dragons, pardon my saying this, but that was not a very tactful post. Only Mike knows his own story. Also, I don't buy the "never a true Christian" theory that is used by some people on this forum to describe deconverts. I don't know if that's what you were trying to say or not, but it kind of sounds like it to me (forgive me if I'm wrong).

No. I haven't been too nice lately. I don't know why. I've been tomatoed a few times already...sigh~~ maybe I should just stop posting for a while.

I'm not making judgements. I agree with you only he knows what he's thinking. I'm simply sharing what I think - I mean, this is supposed to be an open forum, in'nit?

I feel that Christianity is supposed to be so capitivating that people shouldn't be able to suddenly feel this emptiness and hatred about it.

Read the testimony. It suggests something.

Mike, please don't be offended. Just think about it yourself. I'm not judging you at all.

 

[AgnosticMike]

Just wondering...how equipped were you to do God's Work? Because I've heard stories of people who seemingly do great things for God - except that personally, they haven't accepted Him at all - and many do fail in the end.

You can't work for God before you accept Him personally. You may end up like you, quitting and disgusted, while others may become heretics.

Here's an example and testimony: http://www.purelifeministries.org/Unchained/2006/Jan_06/Features/SG/013006_SG_Deciever.htm

Question me about how I was equipped. Talk to the people who were close to me and who were ministered to. At the time my alleged relationship with God was powerful and real. This was not fleeting but something I had since I was around 20 years old.

One of the reasons Christian people I know still can't accept that I've de-converted is because they knew of my love for Christ and the mission he allegedly set out.

Be careful not to pre-judge.

 

[Rosa Mystica]

Be careful not to pre-judge.

Thank you for reaffirming this important statement. I think it applies to a lot of people here, myself included.

 

[AgnosticMike]

Thank you for reaffirming this important statement. I think it applies to a lot of people here, myself included.

Thanks Rosa

Yeah it's all to easy when someone writes a few word for us to get this picture of them in our minds. We all do it, as you say, but we often need to allow ourselves time to find out where people are and what they're on about.

Regards

Mike

 

[Dragons87]

Question me about how I was equipped. Talk to the people who were close to me and who were ministered to. At the time my alleged relationship with God was powerful and real. This was not fleeting but something I had since I was around 20 years old.

One of the reasons Christian people I know still can't accept that I've de-converted is because they knew of my love for Christ and the mission he allegedly set out.

Be careful not to pre-judge.

I'm really not trying to judge. I apologise if that came across that way...I'm being too blunt recently. Sorry.

To put it in a very crude and blunt way, I really couldn't care less about your relationship with God - and it's outside my authority and power to care anyway. I was just sharing a thought, hoping to get you thinking a bit. If you've reached your conclusion, then so be it. I respect that decision fully.

 

[AgnosticMike]

I'm really not trying to judge. I apologise if that came across that way...I'm being too blunt recently. Sorry.

To put it in a very crude and blunt way, I really couldn't care less about your relationship with God - and it's outside my authority and power to care anyway. I was just sharing a thought, hoping to get you thinking a bit. If you've reached your conclusion, then so be it. I respect that decision fully.

No worries. No need for apologies. Actually I've reached no conclusion. That's the thing about being an agnostic. I suppose if I had the right information I could make a decision. Maybe one day I will have enough info either way to make a decision on some of these things that relate to belief and non-belief. I'm always open to stuff to get me thinking. Although I'm not sure that was the right stuff to get me thinking.

Regards

Mike

 

[spirit1st]

As I see it?And its very sad?FEW ever have the personal relationship with JESUS CHRIST.They never seem to know HIm personally.They never hear HIm or see,much in the way of miracles!
Without hearing HIm?We never can ,vcount on the relationship with our minds.Unless?We see the scriptures come TRUE,in our lifes!
WE must reach the point,Where we need or desire to know,we need HIM in our lifes!
And then we must be willing to allow HIm to be GOD!The ruler of our lifes!
Until this happens?Few willknow HIm.As the scripture tells us?Many are called,few choosen.
But in these last days?Things will become VERY CLEAR.And many ,who now reject the LORD,Will come to HIm.But pay a high price!

 

[MQTA]

Claude Vorilhon says he met Jesus and is actually half-brother to him. But I don't think they have a close personal relationship. He's busy down here, Jesus is busy up there.

Seems like a whole lot of them in the books had the same experience he describes... Enoch, Elijah, Paul, John clearly.

 

[Wickwoman]

For those who have never experienced de-conversion, it can be difficult to describe what it 'feels' like. I think many Christians assume the de-convert's feeling are like those of a lost person. This is not what I experienced. I think "liberation" is closer to describing the feeling (at least myself) had upon leaving the church.

(Robert G. Ingersoll)
When I became convinced that the universe is natural, that all the ghosts and gods are myths, there entered into my brain, into my soul, into every drop of my blood the sense, the feeling, the joy of freedom. The walls of my prison crumbled and fell. The dungeon was flooded with light and all the bolts and bars and manacles became dust. I was no longer a servant, a serf, or a slave. There was for me no master in all the wide world, not even in infinite space. I was free--free to think, to express my thoughts--free to live my own ideal, free to live for myself and those I loved, free to use all my faculties, all my senses, free to spread imagination's wings, free to investigate, to guess and dream and hope, free to judge and determine for myself . . . I was free! I stood erect and fearlessly, joyously faced all worlds.

​

That's funny! Mine was more like: "Eeeeeekkkkk! There are no walls to protect me from the outside world! And no floor - I feel like I'm falling endlessly into nothingness. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

No really, I was mostly frightened and curious in the beginning. I'm still scared to death sometimes. Sometimes, I'm sure I must be going to Hell. Other times, I laugh my butt off at religionists. And sometimes, they disgust me and disappoint me so very deeply.

My religion was a dreamy experience, a nice delusion I was enjoying very much until the real world entered in. And I realized a vast majority of humanity wasn't enjoying my very happy dream, theirs was more of a nightmare at the hands of an angry God.

 

[StainedClassKing]

I've read many deconversion stories (on another site) and it never seems to be an easy thing for people to do. It seems the more hardline and religiously sheltered people are the more painful the deconversion experience is because it's like their entire reality has been ripped out from under them.

That's kind of what it was like for me. It took me about a year before I finally got used to being an atheist.

For me, though, the worst part, when it comes right down to it, was the feeling that came with the realization that everyone in my life that I had always looked to be smarter and wiser than me didn't have anything figured out any better than I did. I was so disappointed in just about everyone that I knew.

I would never encourage someone I know to deconvert unless their beliefs were obviously hurting them in some way.

I more or less encourage just about everyone I know to deconvert from fundamentalism. I have no problem with less fundamentalist religions, but fundamentalism destroys people's lives. For example, just think about how many people might have grown up to be biologists or astronomers if their heads had not been filled with that creationist garbage when they were kids. That's really what I have a problem with more than anything. I have a very strong hatred of creationism.

It's definitely something people need to do on their own terms whether it means totally turning their back on their faith or quietly faking it to avoid conflict.

Yeah, you can't lead someone to deconversion. I don't really try, I just try to get them to give up this creationist garbage. I have nothing but contempt for creationism.

 

[A. believer]

I don't know if that helps or not. Many Christians believe that because the Bible says that once your a follower, you will always be a follower (I can't remember the exact passage, so please forgive me) that it means that those of us who have rejected their faith must have never been Christians in the first place. I can't really speak to that, but I can tell you that my 20+ years as a Christian sure felt real to me...

The Bible doesn't teach that apostasy from the faith doesn't happen. In fact, quite the contrary. What it does teach is that the elect will not apostasize.

Edit: I should say, the elect will not finally apostasize.

 

[spirit1st]

LOTS go too church,But do not follow the HOLY SPIRIT ,nor yeild to the BIBLE!
THE LORD LOVES EACH OF US THE SAME!The difference is?How we live for HIm and speak with HIM!

 

[Rosa Mystica]

The Bible doesn't teach that apostasy from the faith doesn't happen. In fact, quite the contrary. What it does teach is that the elect will not apostasize.

Edit: I should say, the elect will not finally apostasize.

Question for you: does Calvinism teach that an apostate can return to Christianity after they leave? Or is returning not allowed?