What de-conversion feels like

[franklin]

What de-conversion feels like

It feels like heavy shackles being removed from your body and mind and being set free from a prision.

 

[Hydra009]

It feels like heavy shackles being removed from your body and mind and being set free from a prision.

...followed by anxiety over the social repurcussions of not being shackled.

 

[MQTA]

...followed by anxiety over the social repurcussions of not being shackled.

only inititally

 

[Dragons87]

Honestly, given what God can do in one's life, and how one feels in God, I don't see how and why people deconvert. Maybe all of us Christians should revisit our strategies and way of life, in case we lead people to fall.

Having God with me, in me, feels so terribly good, that I'd have to be nuts to reject. HALLELUJAH!

 

[HonorB]

strange
this is how i felt when i converted

Me too... That's why I won't deconvert no matter how much easier it would be on me regarding my friends and family and etc.
Ah, paradoxes... Ah, humanity. It strikes again. His will, my will, everybody's gotta' will, Will.

 

[Rosa Mystica]

Honestly, given what God can do in one's life, and how one feels in God, I don't see how and why people deconvert. Maybe all of us Christians should revisit our strategies and way of life, in case we lead people to fall.

Having God with me, in me, feels so terribly good, that I'd have to be nuts to reject. HALLELUJAH!

People often deconvert b/c aspects of their original worldview do not add up anymore. It is EXTREMELY difficult to live in a world where 2+2=5.

 

[Rosa Mystica]

Me too... That's why I won't deconvert no matter how much easier it would be on me regarding my friends and family and etc.
Ah, paradoxes... Ah, humanity. It strikes again. His will, my will, everybody's gotta' will, Will.

I hope you never do. But keep in mind that there are many deconverts out there who considered themselves solid in their faith prior to their deconversion.

 

[HonorB]

I hope you never do. But keep in mind that there are many deconverts out there who considered themselves solid in their faith prior to their deconversion.

Too true. I consider myself blessed in that it's always been a battle to have faith in things outside of academia and genetics. Thank you for hoping though. I do too. I learned a long time ago that with anything, getting cocky is the kiss of death. I'm just glad that the first (approx) third of my life was given to me in the shape of wisdom and courage and exhaustion and information to give strength and support to this heartbreaking revelation of being a convert.

I would like to add though: In here, CF I really appreciate the lacking Rage from both sides. It's super-refreshing to not have the exasperated sighs and sadism. Thank you.

 

[CEV]

Well, remember this

(Robert G. Ingersoll)
When I became convinced that the universe is natural, that all the ghosts and gods are myths, there entered into my brain, into my soul, into every drop of my blood the sense, the feeling, the joy of freedom. The walls of my prison crumbled and fell. The dungeon was flooded with light and all the bolts and bars and manacles became dust. I was no longer a servant, a serf, or a slave. There was for me no master in all the wide world, not even in infinite space. I was free--free to think, to express my thoughts--free to live my own ideal, free to live for myself and those I loved, free to use all my faculties, all my senses, free to spread imagination's wings, free to investigate, to guess and dream and hope, free to judge and determine for myself . . . I was free! I stood erect and fearlessly, joyously faced all worlds.

That was very true for me as well. When I deconverted I felt so free and can totally identify with that last sentence by Ingersoll: "I stood erect and fearlessly, joyously faced all worlds."


But there is now a dull feeling of hopelessness and sadness that has developed since my deconversion that fills the void where god used to be.


I know that whomever I love, will be taken away from me someday, and I will never see them again. This has caused me a great deal of pain, and without a god or spiritual dimension, there is no solution to it.


I also know that someday I will cease to exist. And again, without a god, there is no solution to this problem either. So essentially, without religious/spiritual beliefs, you trade in your security and peace of mind and sense of fulfillment for intellectual, mental, emotional, and physical freedom. You gain wonder and answered questions, but you also gain unsolved problems, pain and fear. So it's a tradeoff.

But religion has the potential for lots of pain and anguish too, however. Imagine "knowing" your loved ones are going to hell. In fact that might be worse than "knowing" they weren't going anywhere but 8 feet under.

 

[TooCurious]

"What de-conversion feels like"

You know how it feels to take off a really uncomfortable pair of shoes? That's what my deconversion felt like.

Even as a child, a lot of the things I was taught about Christianity didn't really make sense to me, but I believed because my parents and family told me that it was true. Over time, as I thought more about what I'd been taught and what I was observing in the world around me (I can get into more detail about the contributing factors of my deconversion if anybody's that interested), I became less comfortable with Christianity, but I didn't realize there was any other option. In the environment in which I was brought up, almost everybody I encountered (I assumed) was Christian. Not extreme-fundamentalist or anything, but Christian. I didn't realize that "not believing" was a possibility. So I kept trying to believe, because I was supposed to. It wasn't really a comfortable fit, but I tried.

Then I learned that there were such things as agnosticism and atheism. I read up a little, and eventually I realized that I didn't believe in Christianity anymore, and in fact I hadn't believed for some time. I just hadn't known that I didn't believe. So gradually, I recognized that I wasn't Christian anymore, and I finally came to call myself an atheist.

The feeling this gave me wasn't really an epic sort of liberation, the breaking of chains or anything like that... It was relief, freedom from discomfort, an ease of mind. Like taking off a pair of too-small shoes. First there's the intense rush of relief as the feet stop being squashed and can breathe again, then the dull but satisfying ache as they try to recover from their confinement, then the gradual return to a neutral state where they just don't hurt. That's what my deconversion felt like. I wasn't trying to cram my mind into a belief system that was the wrong shape, because I didn't really believe in it anymore. It just felt right.

 

[Rosa Mystica]

I'll be honest: I sometimes find it hard to believe that people can find deconversion so liberating. I've been undergoing what I believe to be a loss of faith for quite some time now. I will tell you what I'm feeling: endless and excruciating pain and mental anguish. No relief whatsoever. I certainly do not feel "liberated".

I don't know how long the process will take. I realize that it's not over until it's over. I don't know what the end result will be (though it's looking more and more like deconversion). Just thought I'd be honest about it.

Please don't judge or condemn me. I'm really hurting right now.

Rosa

 

[Nightson]

I'll be honest: I sometimes find it hard to believe that people can find deconversion so liberating. I've been undergoing what I believe to be a loss of faith for quite some time now. I will tell you what I'm feeling: endless and excruciating pain and mental anguish. No relief whatsoever. I certainly do not feel "liberated".

I don't know how long the process will take. I realize that it's not over until it's over. I don't know what the end result will be (though it's looking more and more like deconversion). Just thought I'd be honest about it.

Please don't judge or condemn me. I'm really hurting right now.

Rosa

Speaking form experience, deconversion can be a painful process, and for some it honestly never stops hurting, but for most once it is finally cast off, they feel liberated. So stick in there, whether you come out with stronger faith or with no faith, hopefully you'll come out a happy person.

 

[HonorB]

Honesty and intellectual integrity lurk everywhere. Do you have the honesty to admit to yourself that your beliefs might not be true? Do you have the intellectual integrity to honestly consider the obvious possibility that your religion is nothing more than superstitious nonsense perpetuated by fear, ignorance, and peer pressure, just like all those other religions you know to be false?

Do YOU?

That's a lot harsh Dude. I mean, really? Do you have the moral integrity to honestly consider other people?

I'm not saying the above because I'm scared or threatened. My beliefs are hard earned, hard won and the last person who called me stupid is still wondering whether or not my response was a compliment. I'm saying the above because that sort of antagonism is not just not being christian, it's being Rudely and deliberately obtuse.

 

[HonorB]

So,

 

[HonorB]

People often deconvert b/c aspects of their original worldview do not add up anymore. It is EXTREMELY difficult to live in a world where 2+2=5.

If a poet is anybody, he is somebody to whom things made matter
very little--somebody who is obsessed by Making. Like all obsessions,
the Making obsession has disadvantages; for instance, my only interest
in making money would be to make it. Fortunately, however, I should
prefer to make almost anything else, including locomotives and roses.
It is with roses and locomotives (not to mention acrobats Spring
electricity Coney Island the 4th of July the eyes of mice and Niagara
Falls) that my "poems" are competing.
They are also competing with each other, with elephants, and with
El Greco.
Ineluctable preoccupation with The Verb gives a poet one priceless
advantage: whereas nonmakers must content themselves with the
merely undeniable fact that two times two is four, he rejoices in a
purely irresistible truth (to be found, in abbreviated costume, upon
the title page of the present volume).

E.E. CUMMINGS

 

[HonorB]

People often deconvert b/c aspects of their original worldview do not add up anymore. It is EXTREMELY difficult to live in a world where 2+2=5.

If a poet is anybody, he is somebody to whom things made matter
very little--somebody who is obsessed by Making. Like all obsessions,
the Making obsession has disadvantages; for instance, my only interest
in making money would be to make it. Fortunately, however, I should
prefer to make almost anything else, including locomotives and roses.
It is with roses and locomotives (not to mention acrobats Spring
electricity Coney Island the 4th of July the eyes of mice and Niagara
Falls) that my "poems" are competing.
They are also competing with each other, with elephants, and with
El Greco.
Ineluctable preoccupation with The Verb gives a poet one priceless
advantage: whereas nonmakers must content themselves with the
merely undeniable fact that two times two is four, he rejoices in a
purely irresistible truth (to be found, in abbreviated costume, upon
the title page of the present volume).

E.E. CUMMINGS

is 5

 

[HonorB]

People often deconvert b/c aspects of their original worldview do not add up anymore. It is EXTREMELY difficult to live in a world where 2+2=5.

If a poet is anybody, he is somebody to whom things made matter
very little--somebody who is obsessed by Making. Like all obsessions,
the Making obsession has disadvantages; for instance, my only interest
in making money would be to make it. Fortunately, however, I should
prefer to make almost anything else, including locomotives and roses.
It is with roses and locomotives (not to mention acrobats Spring
electricity Coney Island the 4th of July the eyes of mice and Niagara
Falls) that my "poems" are competing.
They are also competing with each other, with elephants, and with
El Greco.
Ineluctable preoccupation with The Verb gives a poet one priceless
advantage: whereas nonmakers must content themselves with the
merely undeniable fact that two times two is four, he rejoices in a
purely irresistible truth (to be found, in abbreviated costume, upon
the title page of the present volume).

E.E. CUMMINGS, is 5

 

[HonorB]

People often deconvert b/c aspects of their original worldview do not add up anymore. It is EXTREMELY difficult to live in a world where 2+2=5.

If a poet is anybody, he is somebody to whom things made matter
very little--somebody who is obsessed by Making. Like all obsessions,
the Making obsession has disadvantages; for instance, my only interest
in making money would be to make it. Fortunately, however, I should
prefer to make almost anything else, including locomotives and roses.
It is with roses and locomotives (not to mention acrobats Spring
electricity Coney Island the 4th of July the eyes of mice and Niagara
Falls) that my "poems" are competing.
They are also competing with each other, with elephants, and with
El Greco.
Ineluctable preoccupation with The Verb gives a poet one priceless
advantage: whereas nonmakers must content themselves with the
merely undeniable fact that two times two is four, he rejoices in a
purely irresistible truth (to be found, in abbreviated costume, upon
the title page of the present volume).

E.E. CUMMINGS

 

[HonorB]

If a poet is anybody, he is somebody to whom things made matter
very little--somebody who is obsessed by Making. Like all obsessions,
the Making obsession has disadvantages; for instance, my only interest
in making money would be to make it. Fortunately, however, I should
prefer to make almost anything else, including locomotives and roses.
It is with roses and locomotives (not to mention acrobats Spring
electricity Coney Island the 4th of July the eyes of mice and Niagara
Falls) that my "poems" are competing.
They are also competing with each other, with elephants, and with
El Greco.
Ineluctable preoccupation with The Verb gives a poet one priceless
advantage: whereas nonmakers must content themselves with the
merely undeniable fact that two times two is four, he rejoices in a
purely irresistible truth (to be found, in abbreviated costume, upon
the title page of the present volume).

E.E. CUMMINGS

SORRY! My Bad! Was NOT Trying to be superdrag bossy, just got a little... trigger retarded.
Sorry.

 

[Beastt]

I'll be honest: I sometimes find it hard to believe that people can find deconversion so liberating. I've been undergoing what I believe to be a loss of faith for quite some time now. I will tell you what I'm feeling: endless and excruciating pain and mental anguish. No relief whatsoever. I certainly do not feel "liberated".

I don't know how long the process will take. I realize that it's not over until it's over. I don't know what the end result will be (though it's looking more and more like deconversion). Just thought I'd be honest about it.

Please don't judge or condemn me. I'm really hurting right now.

Rosa

It is a difficult process, Rosa. But giving up what we want to believe in exchange for what persists as truth isn't likely to be pleasant. Perhaps it can be compared to being married and then finding out that your spouse never really loved you but only wanted money, property, etc. In the end it comes down to deciding if we want to shield the truth from our eyes and continue to live in what we feel has become a lie or if we would prefer to face reality, as it is, and see where that takes us.

I think it will all be worth it for you in the end. Hang in there. There are several on the forum going through this now. I wonder if it would be possible to construct a support group or at least a thread specifically for them. Then again, I suppose that's what this thread is here to do.