what are you feeling right now? (24)

[Jeshu]

Relief. I finally quit playing the piano at church. Feel bad I left them without a pianist, but I was dreading church so much that it was making me physically ill. I had to pick between my sanity and service and well...I don't want to go back to the hospital. I promised myself I wouldn't do that to my husband ever again.

One thing I do dread is that some people are going to think that I let Satan get the best of me and I gave in and gave up. Makes me smh cause it's easier for NTs to say that instead of understand someone with Aspergers and the anxiety and depression that come as a side dish with that entree. I can't do anything about what people think but I hope nobody starts calling or visiting thinking they need to lay hands or something crazy.

Hope everyone had a good Christmas and wish you all happy new year.

Glad to hear you got that resolved, now focus on surviving your depression and anxiety.

Thanks for updating us on your situation.

Have a blessed 2020

 

[Jeshu]

Feeling tired and drained and as flat as a pan cake. It looks like my good mood has run out. A pain on the last day of the year, as if my depression says you are not going to escape me.

Blessings to all and wishing everyone a blessed 2020

 

[HisGraceAbounds]

I'm actually lonely today. Just a twinge, but it's poking me in the heart

 

[BlessedMommy05]

Hi Jeshu; Thank you for your prayers and encouragement this past year I so much needed it you are a inspiration truly. I hope you had a wonderful holiday, from what I gather in the postings you did and a great time with family..

Christmas here was nice sunny day and beautiful we exchanged gifts and had a good meal with friends and spent the day with them got home and had some what of a Christmas evening with each other. The babysitting is not going well at all, been challenging to say the least and grates my nerves a touch. So just trying to relax today had a touch of a headache was cloudy or fog and wind picked up so not bad but not good either. So just kicked it as early as I could with it. So laid down and played on my tablet awhile before coming upstairs to my main pc..... I hope everyone is well, prayers for a new year and great 2020 Blessings

 

[Jeshu]

Hi Jeshu; Thank you for your prayers and encouragement this past year I so much needed it you are a inspiration truly. I hope you had a wonderful holiday, from what I gather in the postings you did and a great time with family..

Thanks for the encouragement. It has been a hard year for me as well, a lot of depression and anxiety, but Jesus got me through it. That is the best part of knowing Jesus, He helps you on your way.

i hope you have a better year than the one past sister.

Blessings

 

[StillGods]

feeling tired today but hopefully will get a good sleep and be ok tomorrow

 

[Yusuphhai]

 

[Billy UK]

Its strange that you can feel so lonely and depressed yet end up choosing more isolation because for some reason you feel that being around people makes you feel more alone and disfunctional.

 

[HisGraceAbounds]

Its strange that you can feel so lonely and depressed yet end up choosing more isolation because for some reason you feel that being around people makes you feel more alone and disfunctional.

It holds true for me. Lonely as I am, there's no way I'd want to venture out among other people. Loneliness fades, but people are always jerks.

 

[Billy UK]

It holds true for me. Lonely as I am, there's no way I'd want to venture out among other people. Loneliness fades, but people are always jerks.

I know its not right to be like this though and one day soon may God liberate us into a more fruitful place.

 

[Jeshu]

Its strange that you can feel so lonely and depressed yet end up choosing more isolation because for some reason you feel that being around people makes you feel more alone and disfunctional.

i think the depression works on isolating us more and more so that we become easy prey to it. i know depression is an illness but have become convinced that the wicked use it to bring us into their pits while they enjoy their godless rule over us through our hopelessness, despair, sadness, guilt, shame, regrets, doubts and fears to hurt us to the max and when good life runs out to get us to commit suicide.

It holds true for me. Lonely as I am, there's no way I'd want to venture out among other people. Loneliness fades, but people are always jerks.

That is indeed the hard part we depressed people are in. We have so little to give, a lot of people fear our negativity streaming from us, they treat us bad, shamefully, even otherwise faithful followers of Christ. Demanding we have more faith than we have and telling us to do this or that to get better and when that doesn't work they blame us for being sick. Not very nice i agree. i had it happen to me from very close quarters. My mother said to me to be more thankful because i told her that i hoped 2020 would be nicer on me than 2019 had been. i have had a real hard year, which she refuses to acknowledge. Painful when that happens.

Still the command of Christ to love our neighbour is extra valid. i found that it really helps to care for other people who are hurting life and to pray for them. i found that i become so self focussed with depression that it is good to see how bad some other people have it. i found that when i go out, not expecting anything for myself, but doing serves to another, that i can eat from the hidden Manna, the goodness that comes down from heaven. Of course i have to be well enough to do it, it but yes i found that volunteers work did me good as someone who suffered from a depressive illness. (i did work with the homeless but have been too unwell lately to continue that. Love to go back though!)

I know its not right to be like this though and one day soon may God liberate us into a more fruitful place.

Yes please Come Lord Jesus reveal Yourself to us, your children, and overwhelm us with Your love and goodness, we are so bereft of heart. The thing is we have so little to give. Depression robbed us blind. Please be merciful to us and set us free in Your pastures. That the desolation may lift in each one of us and You grow a fruitful harvest in our hearts this year. In Jesus Name i ask. Amen.

From depression to Victorious Joy what a difference! It will happen! you wait for it brothers. It will come One Great Day we will look back at this in Victory.

Be of very good courage.

Down In The Pit?

Beloved when your depression must rule as king
Keep you eyes peeled on The Truth of God's Love
Lies' despairing misery making those wicked cling
yet faith in Christ's loving truth rescues from above.

Awaiting Jesus in your darkest hour so sore and low.
Fighting of those ugly feelings and thoughts pounding
In The pit God's loving truth in faith will now surely grow
God's Kingdom Come - no misery Good Life hounding.

 

[HisGraceAbounds]

I've never felt safe among other people. Not that I think I am in any peril or danger, and I can handle my business if need be, but it's the overall sense I get from people. Shady. Deceptive. Phony. Words and actions seldom match. Makes no difference where - campus, the grocery store, church, the park. It's all the same to me.

Many mornings, I have to pray for strength to even get ready to go to work. On those days, standing in front of college students lecturing is a herculean task because all I want to do is go home. Days when it's not *quite* that bad, I still have to spend the majority of the day in solitude behind the door of my office.

Most folks have no idea what I battle on a daily basis. If I told them, they wouldn't believe me. To look at me, most wouldn't guess that I'm living in a constant state of anxiety complete with cold hands and tremors, and that something innocuous could spiral me into a sadness that I can't pull myself out of. I have most folks snowed into thinking my 14/15 year singledom is MY choice, when it isn't. Can't meet anyone if you can't be around people.

 

[Press On]

Hi Jeshu; Thank you for your prayers and encouragement this past year I so much needed it you are a inspiration truly. I hope you had a wonderful holiday, from what I gather in the postings you did and a great time with family..

Christmas here was nice sunny day and beautiful we exchanged gifts and had a good meal with friends and spent the day with them got home and had some what of a Christmas evening with each other. The babysitting is not going well at all, been challenging to say the least and grates my nerves a touch. So just trying to relax today had a touch of a headache was cloudy or fog and wind picked up so not bad but not good either. So just kicked it as early as I could with it. So laid down and played on my tablet awhile before coming upstairs to my main pc..... I hope everyone is well, prayers for a new year and great 2020 Blessings

Hi Jeshu; Thank you for your prayers and encouragement this past year I so much needed it you are a inspiration truly. I hope you had a wonderful holiday, from what I gather in the postings you did and a great time with family..

Christmas here was nice sunny day and beautiful we exchanged gifts and had a good meal with friends and spent the day with them got home and had some what of a Christmas evening with each other. The babysitting is not going well at all, been challenging to say the least and grates my nerves a touch. So just trying to relax today had a touch of a headache was cloudy or fog and wind picked up so not bad but not good either. So just kicked it as early as I could with it. So laid down and played on my tablet awhile before coming upstairs to my main pc..... I hope everyone is well, prayers for a new year and great 2020 Blessings

Glad you had a good Christmas. We had a simple family/friends time as well. Beautiful weather here in the Tyler area too; about 70 degrees I believe.

My wife and I decided, instead of buying each other "stuff" that we really don't need, to treat ourselves to a John Fogerty concert in Bossier City, LA. Great time at the Horseshoe. I don't think there was a member of the audience who wasn't under age 55...lol! It looked like an Aarp convention; we fit right in. A special treat for me was seeing my favorite drummer, Kenny Aronoff.

All the waitstaff, ushers, security, gamers were wonderful. I limited myself to spending $10 at the quarter slots; more than doubled my money so cashed out. Paid for the gas for the trip. Had my first veggie burger as well. Not bad.

Blessings,
Ron

 

[Lady Bug]

I've never felt safe among other people. Not that I think I am in any peril or danger, and I can handle my business if need be, but it's the overall sense I get from people.

Oh dear, I have a phobia of most people myself. Someone who came over the other day asked me if I was afraid of her. In order to break the ice (which I don't think I did), I tried to lightheartedly say that I thought it was the other way around.

Unlike you though, I always worry if I could be in danger or not.

 

[Jeshu]

Feeling fine today. Went to the beach yesterday it was a perfect day even though i was a bit downish and drained. Today i feel much improved and it is going to be another wonderful day weather wise. Going to get a visit from our relief pastor this morning. i don't know the man so it will be interesting to see what he is like. It is good to feel okay, it makes life a lot easier.

Greetings to all

 

[HouseCat71]

I had a big panic attack today. Haven't had one in a long time. I had an appointment at this physical therapist today. He was supposed to help me with my posture to help back pain. I walked into that place and felt so uneasy. I sat down and started to fill out paperwork and I don't know what hit me. Just a feeling of utter dread came over me. I had to hand my paperwork back to the lady and told her to please shred it because I didn't want to be there. I apologized and said I just didn't feel comfortable here and left. My husband asked me why I came back out (cause he gave me a ride...I didn't feel like driving). I don't know what it was but ever since I had a nervous breakdown a few weeks ago...I just don't want to do anything. Don't want to talk to anyone and don't wanna have to explain my back issues.... man, I don't even know why I freaked out. Maybe I'm still too tired.

 

[Jeshu]

I had a big panic attack today. Haven't had one in a long time. I had an appointment at this physical therapist today. He was supposed to help me with my posture to help back pain. I walked into that place and felt so uneasy. I sat down and started to fill out paperwork and I don't know what hit me. Just a feeling of utter dread came over me. I had to hand my paperwork back to the lady and told her to please shred it because I didn't want to be there. I apologized and said I just didn't feel comfortable here and left. My husband asked me why I came back out (cause he gave me a ride...I didn't feel like driving). I don't know what it was but ever since I had a nervous breakdown a few weeks ago...I just don't want to do anything. Don't want to talk to anyone and don't wanna have to explain my back issues.... man, I don't even know why I freaked out. Maybe I'm still too tired.

Isn't that awful when that happens? i hate panic attacks and avoid any human contact when they loom. i once had a panic attack on a plane 30000 feet up in the air, i kept falling through the floor it was terrible. i hate planes as it is but then i truly wanted to get out of the thing.

i hope you can find some medication to help you with this a lot of anti-depressants help against anxiety as well.

 

[HouseCat71]

Isn't that awful when that happens? i hate panic attacks and avoid any human contact when they loom. i once had a panic attack on a plane 30000 feet up in the air, i kept falling through the floor it was terrible. i hate planes as it is but then i truly wanted to get out of the thing.

i hope you can find some medication to help you with this a lot of anti-depressants help against anxiety as well.

I can't do any of prescription medications as they all make you gain weight and I absolutely cannot gain any more weight. I did find something called GABA (Gamma-amino butyric acid) in a chewable tablet. It is supposed to mellow you out. I am going to take one tonight along with a B12 vitamin. See what happens. I admit I haven't taken any of my vitamins for quite a while and that could be what's happening. (It didn't dawn on me today...I just...forget things then forget why I feel bad and it's vicious circle of stupidity on my part!)
I found out vitamin D contributes to my Interstitial Cystitis flare ups. I stopped taking it for a few months...and that could be the culprit. I have to take 5000IU a day to keep my Hyperparathyroidism under control. And being in N. Idaho, you have to take it due to lack of sunshine.
I have appointment with the Urologist next month to see how we can counter this. I can't get my Hyperparathyroidism flared up again! But the IC is awful as well! Ugh...thanks for prayers.

 

[Jeshu]

I am going to take one tonight along with a B12 vitamin. See what happens. I admit I haven't taken any of my vitamins for quite a while and that could be what's happening.

Yes i take B complex fortified with B3, B5 and B6 and Vitamin C with good results. For a few years i took 5-htp also an amino acid, 3 weeks on one week off it really helped against my anxiety and depression. The problem is 3 weeks on them and then 1 week of them. You can't take them full time. The good thing of 5-htp is that it suppresses appetite i found it easy to loose weight while on them. i had to go off them because of other psych meds, i can't take 5-htp and psych meds together.

Instead of vitamin D3 you can also go under the lights a few times a week. Our son keeps the Winter depression at bay in BC Canada doing it that way.

Blessings.

 

[Jeshu]

Still going okay, i did wake up at 3.30am this morning which wasn't very nice but otherwise i have been reasonable. A bit flat to mildly depressed is my reality at the moment.

How is everyone else going?