what are you feeling right now? (23)

[chaoticfirefly]

depressed.

i've barely been sleeping or takingnmy meds i'm here andnthen i'm there.

i want an apology from everyone who has hurt me. because i want them to hurt too. i want to brimh them to th3 same level ot emotulioans i am on. and thats just. exhaustion.

i just want to be okay. with no politics. no worries.

 

[W2L]

depressed.

i've barely been sleeping or takingnmy meds i'm here andnthen i'm there.

i want an apology from everyone who has hurt me. because i want them to hurt too. i want to brimh them to th3 same level ot emotulioans i am on. and thats just. exhaustion.

i just want to be okay. with no politics. no worries.

I wish I knew what to say but I don't. Hang in there, it will pass in time.

 

[Tempura]

I'm sure my wife would love a few of them - different heights and sizes would look neat too I reckon.

I like your way of saying "I reckon". It's a good saying. It's got that old-timer feel to it!

 

[W2L]

I like your way of saying "I reckon". It's a good saying. It's got that old-timer feel to it!

I reckon yer right.

 

[Jeshu]

Feeling confused. The niacin has basically floored my completely, all I want to do is sleep, it is even hard to lift my head up.

I'm reducing my intake. I'll try 4000 - 5000 mg today instead of 8000 mg, it can't be right to sleep all day and have no energy whatsoever.

They said to watch out for over saturation but I haven't had any other symptoms yet apart of sleeping - I did have a panic attack at noon yesterday that was pretty full on - but very usual after I've been psychotic like I have. Normal reality always shakes me up a little, seeing the contrast I suppose.

I think I must have been using too much niacin. I suppose I find out today or tomorrow when I go down to less and how I cope with that.

 

[W2L]

Feeling confused. The niacin has basically floored my completely, all I want to do is sleep, it is even hard to lift my head up.

I'm reducing my intake. I'll try 4000 - 5000 mg today instead of 8000 mg, it can't be right to sleep all day and have no energy whatsoever.

They said to watch out for over saturation but I haven't had any other symptoms yet apart of sleeping - I did have a panic attack at noon yesterday that was pretty full on - but very usual after I've been psychotic like I have. Normal reality always shakes me up a little, seeing the contrast I suppose.

I think I must have been using too much niacin. I suppose I find out today or tomorrow when I go down to less and how I cope with that.

I hope it works out Jeshu.

 

[Jeshu]

Having another anxiety attack, amazing how such can bite into me at times. The more my psychotic thinking is receding into the back ground the more unreal my life seems, and the more I struggle with anxiety and stress.

've cut down the niacin to 1000 mg every 5 or 6 hours - it depends how bad my unrest gets, if it gets too much I take it a little sooner but if I can endure than I wait till 6 hours have passed before I take more.

Not as sleepy anymore so that is helping, but still sleeping a lot. in 2 or 3 hour stints up to 10 + hours a day

Its been 5 hours ago I had some last and I'm hanging out for some more - litterally hanging out. I feel stressed and run down and have to fight off the anxious thoughts bombarding me from all around. I know if I take more niacin then within 50 minutes it will have all passed and I will feel calm again, but I'm trying to stretch the times that I have it. For it seems that if I take too much, as I have, then I'm completely floored by sleep that becomes burdensome in the end instead of beneficial and restoring.

So I suppose I have to find where my happy medium lays - it seems like I need more than 4000 mg a day but not as much as 8000 a day. I think I might take some more before I get too stressed out though. Lets aim for 5000 mg a day and see how that befalls me.

Have a blessed Sunday

 

[Human Sacrifice]

I'm happy that you have no psychosis. Sleep feels nice sometimes, remember? Darn pills. Keep the faith.

 

[W2L]

Having another anxiety attack, amazing how such can bite into me at times. The more my psychotic thinking is receding into the back ground the more unreal my life seems, and the more I struggle with anxiety and stress.

've cut down the niacin to 1000 mg every 5 or 6 hours - it depends how bad my unrest gets, if it gets too much I take it a little sooner but if I can endure than I wait till 6 hours have passed before I take more.

Not as sleepy anymore so that is helping, but still sleeping a lot. in 2 or 3 hour stints up to 10 + hours a day
Its been 5 hours ago I had some last and I'm hanging out for some more - litterally hanging out. I feel stressed and run down and have to fight off the anxious thoughts bombarding me from all around. I know if I take more niacin then within 50 minutes it will have all passed and I will feel calm again, but I'm trying to stretch the times that I have it. For it seems that if I take too much, as I have, then I'm completely floored by sleep that becomes burdensome in the end instead of beneficial and restoring.

So I suppose I have to find where my happy medium lays - it seems like I need more than 4000 mg a day but not as much as 8000 a day. I think I might take some more before I get too stressed out though. Lets aim for 5000 mg a day and see how that befalls me.

Have a blessed Sunday

10 hours might be what you need right now. Our body heals during sleep. Maybe you need that brother.

 

[Jeshu]

10 hours might be what you need right now. Our body heals during sleep. Maybe you need that brother.

Yeah the sleep is good, I know I need that, but what about feeling really bad?

I ended-up in the bathroom above the toilet but didn't manage to bring up anything though I basically collapsed on the floor in a pool of sweat. The niacin began to work after about 35-40 minutes and I picked up again and slept 2+ hours. After 4 hours the niacin seemed to have stopped working and I began to get violently sick again, strange how that goes, for after about 35-45 minutes after I taken more niacin I feel fine again. Just tired but calm and at peace.

Yet if I take more all I do is sleep and I get unwell as I take more, yet if I take less I also get unwell, I can't seem to win right now. I decided to reduce intake from 5000 mg to 3000mg see if that stabilize me somewhat.

Not sure to go up or down?

 

[alsughasoughaiuyfygh]

I swear, if God truly loved me, He would not have put me in this situation. Before, people's reactions to me just by me simply talking to them felt like a coin flip. After years of stressful therapies, being thrown to the wolves over and over again to 'build social skills' and being put on enough pills to drop Elvis, I've managed to be able to improve myself to being able to feel like playing Russian Roulette instead.

Being on this forum only reinforces the notion that I have to have talent in order to be worthy of love and attention.

 

[Jeshu]

..............

Being on this forum only reinforces the notion that I have to have talent in order to be worthy of love and attention.

What do you mean brother? What talent did you need to be heard and given attention on these forums?

It is not my experience

 

[alsughasoughaiuyfygh]

What do you mean brother? What talent did you need to be heard and given attention on these forums?

It is not my experience

Intelligence, a charming personality, and whatever artistic talent that can garner attention.

Basically, the only positive thing people can say about me is that I make drawings over at the Singles forums. It's like my days over at the Newgrounds forums where they would not have even acknowledged my existence if I have not made any Photoshops to entertain them.

Some just have to simply post and people will be all over them. Me? People wouldn't even notice if I stopped posting. It's like this in real life too. I guess no one ever truly leaves high school.

It's like God had to make me as unlikable as possible for whatever reason He has. It's even harder for me when I see all these other people get all the love and care they want when they already have everything. I feel like a modern day Asaph.

 

[Human Sacrifice]

Yeah the sleep is good, I know I need that, but what about feeling really bad?

I ended-up in the bathroom above the toilet but didn't manage to bring up anything though I basically collapsed on the floor in a pool of sweat. The niacin began to work after about 35-40 minutes and I picked up again and slept 2+ hours. After 4 hours the niacin seemed to have stopped working and I began to get violently sick again, strange how that goes, for after about 35-45 minutes after I taken more niacin I feel fine again. Just tired but calm and at peace.

Yet if I take more all I do is sleep and I get unwell as I take more, yet if I take less I also get unwell, I can't seem to win right now. I decided to reduce intake from 5000 mg to 3000mg see if that stabilize me somewhat.

Not sure to go up or down?

.

HEY! Your taking too much niacin: 5g daily for five years (web md). Talk to a doctor!

 

[Human Sacrifice]

(Mayo clinic)

 

[Jeshu]

Feeling terrible. I decided to stop taking niacin for a bit to see if that would improve my condition a little.

I'm very ill right now, spewed a lot of bile, very nauseous but slowly getting better. It is going to be hard to medicate with this stuff by the looks of it.

My first hallucinations have come back though it is still really in and out all the time nothing solid.

Did sleep 5+ hours so far, so that is good at 3.45am, for I'm sure to get a little more before the night is out.

Hoping you are all well

 

[Tempura]

Said a prayer for you Jeshu. There certainly might be something off with whatever you're taking. Be safe now man.

Said a prayer for everyone else too.

 

[Jeshu]

Intelligence, a charming personality, and whatever artistic talent that can garner attention.

Basically, the only positive thing people can say about me is that I make drawings over at the Singles forums. It's like my days over at the Newgrounds forums where they would not have even acknowledged my existence if I have not made any Photoshops to entertain them.

Some just have to simply post and people will be all over them. Me? People wouldn't even notice if I stopped posting. It's like this in real life too. I guess no one ever truly leaves high school.

It's like God had to make me as unlikable as possible for whatever reason He has. It's even harder for me when I see all these other people get all the love and care they want when they already have everything. I feel like a modern day Asaph.

Have you noticed that when your eye looks at you over against others that you hurt like hell? Best tear that eye out brother, or at least that massive beam you got in there! No good thinking like that in God's kingdom brother. For in God's kingdom what is despised and rejected has specially value not the other way around.

So when you see the lie ruling down here please don't submit to it but only bow down to God's loving truth and your painful reality will soon become much more bearable and productive than it has been up to now.

Bring your hurts to God brother please don't wallow in it. Jesus has so much better in store for you. Unbelievable.

 

[alsughasoughaiuyfygh]

Have you noticed that when your eye looks at you over against others that you hurt like hell? Best tear that eye out brother, or at least that massive beam you got in there! No good thinking like that in God's kingdom brother. For in God's kingdom what is despised and rejected has specially value not the other way around.

So when you see the lie ruling down here please don't submit to it but only bow down to God's loving truth and your painful reality will soon become much more bearable and productive than it has been up to now.

Bring your hurts to God brother please don't wallow in it. Jesus has so much better in store for you. Unbelievable.

I've always struggled with envy. I see how happy and fulfilled the others are and I just want the same. Problem is, I got the crappy cards in life and thus could never live a life like theirs. Instead, I one I got was painful, lonely and left me feeling cheated, swindled and bamboozled.

I know, God will compensate me for everything I missed out on in Heaven but how much longer? It's like starving a person for an unknown amount of time and the only comfort you can give him is the promise of a huge feast. To make things worse, everyone around him gets buckets of KFC and they just eat it right in front of him.

Since it's winter where I live now, you guys can expect winter depression from me. I hate living in this frozen wasteland of a country.

 

[plumsink]

Hoping you get some peace, brother Jeshu. Peace of the Lord be upon you.