what are you feeling right now? (23)

[plumsink]

As for myself, I am feeling less than optimally productive. I had things I hoped to achieve today that I didn't. Other things I can still achieve though.

Emotionally, I was quite blue yesterday, unusually so since I had largely been free of depression for a long time now. But for awhile yesterday it was like the bad old days. Thinking about the world and the suffering thereof made me sad. That Gary Jules song kept going through my head, Mad World:

"Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere

Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head, I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had."

I feel fine today though, and thankfully I don't spend much time with that pain these days like I did in the past. Even yesterday, it wasn't all day, it was just for a while. It's not at all like it was before, and I'm grateful for that.

 

[MissRowy]

I was feeling pretty depressed yesterday myself. And last night I just started crying for no reason. I feel better today though

 

[Jeshu]

Said a prayer for you Jeshu. There certainly might be something off with whatever you're taking. Be safe now man.

Said a prayer for everyone else too.

Hoping you get some peace, brother Jeshu. Peace of the Lord be upon you.

Thanks brothers. I'm down and out today, haven't felt this low for a long time. So nauseous and so tired.

I sleep a lot that is the only good thing that has come out of this. I sleep a lot of hours, every 2 or 3 hours up and 2 or more hours down, I'm thankful about that.

Not as anxious as yesterday so that is good as well.

Have a blessed day

 

[chaoticfirefly]

20161017_193509

• chaoticfirefly
• Oct 17, 2016

I bought Eevee a costume. Because she looks adorable.

 

[W2L]

Intelligence, a charming personality, and whatever artistic talent that can garner attention.

Basically, the only positive thing people can say about me is that I make drawings over at the Singles forums. It's like my days over at the Newgrounds forums where they would not have even acknowledged my existence if I have not made any Photoshops to entertain them.

Some just have to simply post and people will be all over them. Me? People wouldn't even notice if I stopped posting. It's like this in real life too. I guess no one ever truly leaves high school.

It's like God had to make me as unlikable as possible for whatever reason He has. It's even harder for me when I see all these other people get all the love and care they want when they already have everything. I feel like a modern day Asaph.

Don't let it get you down. Persevere and grow through it. You may find out one day that it was you, not others, who was actually blessed.

 

[Jeshu]

Heavy going right now. i'm dead to the world and so low. Knowing my goal is in sight. Finding it very hard to move.

So pressing, so crushing, so trampling

i'm dirt

 

[Tempura]

Jeshu, once again I'll say the same thing: I hope you know when to see a doctor, no matter how you might feel about them. But I'm sure you do. Said a prayer for you.

 

[rturner76]

Heavy going right now. i'm dead to the world and so low. Knowing my goal is in sight. Finding it very hard to move.

So pressing, so crushing, so trampling

i'm dirt

Deuteronomy 33:27 – The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.

I pray you will be able to seek refuge in him during your time of need. At times when we feel so low he feels so far from us. I pray you are able to believe he he desires us to seek him and give our troubles to him (nearly impossible to do at times it feels like for me anyway)..

I do know how the weight of our feelings can really feel like it is a physical weight on our shoulders and back. While there is no cure, seemingly no way to lift this burden, if we can endure the day, there is the chance of a better day coming tomorrow. Even if we can bare this moment, there is a chance a better moment will come after.
For:
Ecclesiastes 9:4 – Anyone who is among the living has hope.

May God bless you and give you hope

 

[Jeshu]

Jeshu, once again I'll say the same thing: I hope you know when to see a doctor, no matter how you might feel about them. But I'm sure you do. Said a prayer for you.

Thanks for your prayer and support brother. I'm in contact with some one who is monitoring my mental health and assist as she can. The problem is that I have to go down like this. Every major psychosis demands that, back to level ground, so all that can be shaken falls of and only what cannot be shaken remains.

It is not a nice journey, I knew that when I jumped into that black hole a few weeks ago, but I know who awaits me on the bottom and this gives me hope and ability to go down this way.

The last time I met the Lord down there was one of the best times of my life. I couldn't do anything but laid in the fetus position crushed to pulp, but I was in His love. Nothing compares to that. To die is gain.

I want to mourn Him like that again. tell Him I'm sorry. I want to die at His feet and find newness of life, who want this crap?

I don't care I'm hurting, I deserve everything I get. All I want is be in His embrace again.

I love you brother, but honest everything is fine. I know full well what is going on and long for contact. He'll will raise me back on my feet and wash me clean. Nothing beats the fire of His love.

Deuteronomy 33:27 – The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.

I pray you will be able to seek refuge in him during your time of need. At times when we feel so low he feels so far from us. I pray you are able to believe he he desires us to seek him and give our troubles to him (nearly impossible to do at times it feels like for me anyway)..

I do know how the weight of our feelings can really feel like it is a physical weight on our shoulders and back. While there is no cure, seemingly no way to lift this burden, if we can endure the day, there is the chance of a better day coming tomorrow. Even if we can bare this moment, there is a chance a better moment will come after.
For:
Ecclesiastes 9:4 – Anyone who is among the living has hope.

May God bless you and give you hope

Thank you so very much for your prayers and comfort. It is so very true Jesus is besie u and we don't have to go through this alone. I used to pine away in my pit godforsaken and miserable but this is not how experience major depression any more, rather it tares me down to builds me back up - strong and capable.

The problem is I've got a depressive illness and sometimes I do silly things and then have to get rid of such crap again. Depression is a 100 percent safe way to expose the lies ruling underneath our thin veneer, for nothing not build by God can withstand major depression that much I know for sure to be true.

All in all I'm doing better than yesterday, not physically feeling so sick and i slept for 5 hours straight a first time in ages.

I'm low, is crippling, I had forgotten how bad it gets. At times it is hard to lift my head. Crushing is best description but Jesus is with me. The sons of Korah singing the word to me keep me safely in His truth.

I've got my weapons all out and ready! For I know the sneaky bastard is going to try and steal my crown, he always does when I'm down like this, just waiting for his move really. I've got something prepared by our Father to give him when he does.


Father of Lies
Oh you lying tongue stealing our God given Good Life
squandering our abilities with that harlot in our flesh
lightening those burning torches devouring our aching souls
those ugly deeds done while your lies ruled our fallen hearts!

All your offspring within us is numbered to die miserably
to hell with you and all those wicked ones ruling our life
it is you Satan who brought us all our woes, grief and pain
I will hate you forever for lying to us as you did and do.

 

[W2L]

I'm going to go live as a hermit. I cannot tolerate this world. I don't care who becomes president, what happens to the economy, which church has fullness, what days we are commanded to worship, or who is right and wrong. In seclusion there is peace and happiness. Goodbye world of contention and chaos.

 

[Human Sacrifice]

Intelligence, a charming personality, and whatever artistic talent that can garner attention.

Basically, the only positive thing people can say about me is that I make drawings over at the Singles forums. It's like my days over at the Newgrounds forums where they would not have even acknowledged my existence if I have not made any Photoshops to entertain them.

Some just have to simply post and people will be all over them. Me? People wouldn't even notice if I stopped posting. It's like this in real life too. I guess no one ever truly leaves high school.

It's like God had to make me as unlikable as possible for whatever reason He has. It's even harder for me when I see all these other people get all the love and care they want when they already have everything. I feel like a modern day Asaph.

I think you have selected Internet forums as your social group, which makes your "feeling not noticed" seem outright bizarre. Surely this odd focus on yourself reflects a VERY healthy drive. Take advantage. Makes sense, why not apply it productively. You lose nothing.

 

[rturner76]

Thanks for your prayer and support brother. I'm in contact with some one who is monitoring my mental health and assist as she can. The problem is that I have to go down like this. Every major psychosis demands that, back to level ground, so all that can be shaken falls of and only what cannot be shaken remains.

It is not a nice journey, I knew that when I jumped into that black hole a few weeks ago, but I know who awaits me on the bottom and this gives me hope and ability to go down this way.

The last time I met the Lord down there was one of the best times of my life. I couldn't do anything but laid in the fetus position crushed to pulp, but I was in His love. Nothing compares to that. To die is gain.

I want to mourn Him like that again. tell Him I'm sorry. I want to die at His feet and find newness of life, who want this crap?

I don't care I'm hurting, I deserve everything I get. All I want is be in His embrace again.

I love you brother, but honest everything is fine. I know full well what is going on and long for contact. He'll will raise me back on my feet and wash me clean. Nothing beats the fire of His love.



Thank you so very much for your prayers and comfort. It is so very true Jesus is besie u and we don't have to go through this alone. I used to pine away in my pit godforsaken and miserable but this is not how experience major depression any more, rather it tares me down to builds me back up - strong and capable.

The problem is I've got a depressive illness and sometimes I do silly things and then have to get rid of such crap again. Depression is a 100 percent safe way to expose the lies ruling underneath our thin veneer, for nothing not build by God can withstand major depression that much I know for sure to be true.

All in all I'm doing better than yesterday, not physically feeling so sick and i slept for 5 hours straight a first time in ages.

I'm low, is crippling, I had forgotten how bad it gets. At times it is hard to lift my head. Crushing is best description but Jesus is with me. The sons of Korah singing the word to me keep me safely in His truth.

I've got my weapons all out and ready! For I know the sneaky bastard is going to try and steal my crown, he always does when I'm down like this, just waiting for his move really. I've got something prepared by our Father to give him when he does.


Father of Lies
Oh you lying tongue stealing our God given Good Life
squandering our abilities with that harlot in our flesh
lightening those burning torches devouring our aching souls
those ugly deeds done while your lies ruled our fallen hearts!

All your offspring within us is numbered to die miserably
to hell with you and all those wicked ones ruling our life
it is you Satan who brought us all our woes, grief and pain
I will hate you forever for lying to us as you did and do.

I am glad to hear you have someone to monitor your wll being on a clinical level. We must be ever vigilant to remain safe as our diagnosis aims to remove us from the things that bring us out of darkness.

I am also happy to know you are aware the Lord awaits you at your darker times. Sometimes when my symptoms are overwhelming me I feel so alone. I'm glad you know we are not alone. Weather it be the Lord who always awaits us or the ones we have in place in our crisis plans or a kind brother or sister in Christ we connect with. Help is on the way brother.

Psalm 147:3
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

John 16:33
“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

I pray your wounds be bound up and you may nave peace.

 

[rturner76]

I'm going to go live as a hermit. I cannot tolerate this world. I don't care who becomes president, what happens to the economy, which church has fullness, what days we are commanded to worship, or who is right and wrong. In seclusion there is peace and happiness. Goodbye world of contention and chaos.

You may find peace however most people do tend to go insane if they go too long without human contact. It's like this weird thing that is programmed in us that we must socialize. Unless you are a super supreme master of meditation and can transcend reality reaching new levels of consciousness. There is that too.

 

[alsughasoughaiuyfygh]

I think you have selected Internet forums as your social group, which makes your "feeling not noticed" seem outright bizarre. Surely this odd focus on yourself reflects a VERY healthy drive. Take advantage. Makes sense, why not apply it productively. You lose nothing.

This also applies to real life as well. I feel rejected everywhere I go, internet and real life.

 

[chaoticfirefly]

There's been a pain in my lower stomach all day. It goes from crippling pain to burning.

 

[Jeshu]

There's been a pain in my lower stomach all day. It goes from crippling pain to burning.

That doesn't sound right firefly, which side is it on? level with belly button? Could be appendicitis if it is. Best have it checked out my dear. Pain shouldn't be intolerable, when it is it usually means we need medical care.

 

[Jeshu]

I'm going to go live as a hermit. I cannot tolerate this world. I don't care who becomes president, what happens to the economy, which church has fullness, what days we are commanded to worship, or who is right and wrong. In seclusion there is peace and happiness. Goodbye world of contention and chaos.

In my humble opinion this is the biggest mistake you could ever make brother, precisely what the enemy would want you to do. Stick your head in the sand take all God's good just for yourself and don't care about the lost and dying all around.

If you decide to do this for a time - like 40 day in the desert - or 3 1/2 years - for rebirth - very good even! Paul spend 14 years studying the Word before he felt strong enough to go out and teach the good news, however he was unmarried and had no other obligations in life.

It is very true that spending time in meditation with the Lord is best done when we are on our own and in seclusion from outside influence. However only for building us up in right - and taring us down in wrong. So when the beams have been removed out of our eye why should it still be difficult to work and live among lost sinners?

Think past yourself brother as things are now, please don't get stuck with yourself as is. Your liberation must be complete for it is for freedom that Christ has set us free.

Be blessed brother.

James 3:13-18
Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.

But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.

 

[Jeshu]

This also applies to real life as well. I feel rejected everywhere I go, internet and real life.

According to the bible it are the rejected and despised who enter first brother, while those invited originally miss out, getting the sharp side of Christ's sword instead of an eternal Feast. So ask yourself why get stuck on wrong down here and drag it along with you? It is about dumping such crap and finding a New Truth to sustain you. A truth which is reliable and truly loving. Not just for the future to come but for today. For what good is a god who promises you paradise after your demise? You want to dwell in His kingdom now, not tomorrow or worse, some other even further away time in the future.

God's word has to be true today for it to be true at any other stage in our lives, we best fully understand that. Otherwise how could Christ have said it is finished before He gave up His soul for us all? (Hebrews 4:1-13)

 

[Jeshu]

Feeling lowish at the moment. Though today ended-up being a lot better than it started. Seeing I wasn't physically ill anymore I decided to try just a little bit of niacin. It sure helped a lot, though now it has warn off, but I want to wait till after dinner before taken some more to get me through the night. If I can do on just a little and still get good benefits I shouldn't get too many physical health problems taking it.

I slept again as well 2 1/2 hours, then 5 hours and then another 2 1/2 hours over the last 24 hours so that is really good.

Hoping everyone is fine.

 

[Press On]

I'm going to go live as a hermit. I cannot tolerate this world. I don't care who becomes president, what happens to the economy, which church has fullness, what days we are commanded to worship, or who is right and wrong. In seclusion there is peace and happiness. Goodbye world of contention and chaos.

I can identify. I am feeling much the same myself at the moment, my brother.