What are marriage deal breakers?

[LovesEnduringPromise]

Im praying for all the women/men in the struggle with the issues addressed!

 

[LovesEnduringPromise]

Praying, do what you feel lead to do....dont listen to other people...listen to you heart and what God is telling you to do...

 

[Evangelina]

I run 25 to 30 miles per week. There's a reason.

I'd be telling the person yelling/swearing to feel free to go for a walk. Sorry, every time I address a post to you I seem to communicate badly!

 

[arizonasunset]

i understand day....when i went through my own personal situation i was presented with Christ being my husband. it was an odd concept but after much considoration and a look back on my superb choices i figured why not give it a try.

at the point i made Christ my husband much came out of it. my relationship with the Lord magnified and intinsefied. it then lead me even deeper....as i discovered my issue of having a dad.

as my marriage with Chirst grew in Christ... let me add here He has been the best Husband ever... but as i grew He began to show me my beliefs, attitudes, perceptions, and mindsets concerning my relationships.

eventually i learned that my father/daughter relational views impacted my husband/wife views. funny thing was that the marriage relationship being affected was that of me and the Lord. with His love and help i came to understand what kind of relationship the Father of creation wanted with me and that it was nothing like the father i had dreamed up and pretended to have.

as time went on i was shown my own fears and strongholds that kept me in the situation i found myself with my physical husband. the showing was not like that of those around me who clubbed me with the Book and told me "You ....". instead it was gentle and soft...revealing and displayed how and where the continuous tripping stone was placed and how it could be removed.

i learned that there was much in me that was needed to be healed....i discovered how i ran after certain types and avoided others. it was such a difficult time...but as my Husband he demonstrated strength and courage for me as he led me along, when i had none left. and He loved me no matter how ugly i looked. and i looked ugly dayknee....there were times i was uglier than my husband. however i wanted to be the best wife possible by this stage of the marriage. and He was certainly worth the effort and time.

ufortunately these revelations were not shared with those who were "concerned" for my "spiritual well-being". for that which was revealed and how it was revealed would have never matched their ideal way of how God deals with marriages.

my own husband at the time did not benefit whatsoever with the marital relationship between me and the Lord....my husband never benefited with the new relationship of my Father. the man just continued on down his path of destruction and probably blew a big sigh of relief when my previous actions changed and my continous push for his change ended.

when i look back at that time in my life and how devestating it was to me....how i turned in circles forever trying to please everyone in their views and interpretations of Scripture.....i wonder why i was so desperate to look good for everyone else. and why were they so concentrated on me? on making my marriage work?

i will always love the one who challenged my way of thinking...who asked questions....who questioned my motives....who prayed with me and for me....who loved me and stuck with me even when i was being rebellious and slow....she was the true friend as Scripture speaks of.

as for all the rest of my "church friends" well i just quit calling them...ended all social circles with them....and went elsewhere in the Christian community for support. i let the Lord take care of them....and there were times when running across some that it took days...ok weeks to let the Lord take care of them.


make Him your husband dayknee. put your physical husband on the side and make Christ your husband. He is the ultimate husband and will protect you...comfort you....listen to you....it is beyond words to describe.

move into new circles of the Christian community. pray for studies, lectures, whatever that meets your needs...you specific, individual needs at this point and time. Christ is moving you....so move with Him.

this doesn't mean quit making boundries towards your physical husband....and it does mean making boundries with church members who "mean well"

lol kind of like an oxymoron...mean and well.... been around many of those oxies.

anywho day.... i know things will happen if you surrender to His will, His way, His love, and His plan for you. you are in my thoughts and i hold up the original prayer...and know that it is already done.

 

[hisbloodformysins]

Any behavior I can't live with that doesn't have any hope to change. Had a boyfriend who was a bit of an anit-social personality and everything about him was unrighteous... he lied about anything and everything, didn't have a conscience... couldn't talk sense into him, and couldn't trust him... obviously we had broken up... but that is something I couldn't tolerate in a marriage.

I think that if there are areas such as infidelity that you are able to forgive or deal with, and that there was hope for change... then in that case infidelity wouldn't necessarily be a deal breaker. However as far as i know my hubby hasn't cheated on me... and if he did there'd have to be a lot of grace from God if our marriage had any hope of making it.

In my personal marriage... if it ever gets to the point to where we have an unreconciliable issue that seems to have no hope for getting better... well, that's when divorce talk comes in. If it's something I personally cannot handle, somethings there hasn't been resolution in yet, but not so uncomfortable that I can't live with it.

HB

 

[arizonasunset]

 

[arizonasunset]

thinking of you dayknee

 

[dayknee]

thinking of you dayknee

Thank you!

Had counceling yesterday..pretty rough. hard to go thru the whole week of things happening..still struggling so much and just really need prayer for my children right now and for me to endure this battle.
Thank you so much.

 

[arizonasunset]

Thank you!

Had counceling yesterday..pretty rough. hard to go thru the whole week of things happening..still struggling so much and just really need prayer for my children right now and for me to endure this battle.
Thank you so much.

 

[arizonasunset]

morning day...just wanted to share how God's working in my like as we speak.....

a picture is worth a thousand words!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[dayknee]

morning day...just wanted to share how God's working in my like as we speak.....

a picture is worth a thousand words!!!!!!!!!!!

Good morning..
for some reason I cannot see any pictures..there is always a little tiny red x but i cant click on it or anything
Thank you for thinking about me today though..I really appreciate it.
Husband is here today for our sons basketball game.
Not sure how the day will go
I wish for prayer though to actually get brave enough to speak to him regarding the future.
Please just pray that I get the braveness.

 

[arizonasunset]

Good morning..
for some reason I cannot see any pictures..there is always a little tiny red x but i cant click on it or anything
Thank you for thinking about me today though..I really appreciate it.
Husband is here today for our sons basketball game.
Not sure how the day will go
I wish for prayer though to actually get brave enough to speak to him regarding the future.
Please just pray that I get the braveness.

sorry i missed your post yesterday. i pray all went well with everything and everyone.

for some reason my pics are doing this...kind of frustrating.

have a blessed sunday day

 

[LoveAlways]

One incident of physical abuse, and I'm gone.

I would be willing to work through an affair. Repeated affairs, probably not.

 

[mpelements]

I think that both people involved have to work together. I know that money issues break up alot of marriages so you need to be in touch about the household income. You can not leave it up to one person. I know now adays you both have to work but there are alternatives for the Wife to stay home and be available for her children and husband. We need to go back to the old days when a Womans Work is at home.
I myself found many successful business oppertunitys online that other christian families work with. Right now I am working with mpelements.com and do not have to sell anything so it leaves me alot of time to stay with my family and child. I take my child to school, make dinner have my husbands stuff ready for work and yet I help out financially. The perfect life and everyone is happy. Oh well sometimes my 16 year old wants me out of the house, but she will live. God Bless You All

 

[dayknee]

I think that both people involved have to work together. I know that money issues break up alot of marriages so you need to be in touch about the household income. You can not leave it up to one person. I know now adays you both have to work but there are alternatives for the Wife to stay home and be available for her children and husband. We need to go back to the old days when a Womans Work is at home.
I myself found many successful business oppertunitys online that other christian families work with. Right now I am working with mpelements.com and do not have to sell anything so it leaves me alot of time to stay with my family and child. I take my child to school, make dinner have my husbands stuff ready for work and yet I help out financially. The perfect life and everyone is happy. Oh well sometimes my 16 year old wants me out of the house, but she will live. God Bless You All

The thread is about deal breakers in marriage.

I appreciate your response but if you could start a thread about your posted comment that would be much better. I would prefer to not have the topic diverted.

 

[dayknee]

What do you guys think about lying?
Do you think it's something we should just accept in marriage or in any relationship for that matter?

What if nothing else is going on but you know there is lying going on..would that be a deal breaker?

 

[arizonasunset]

What do you guys think about lying?
Do you think it's something we should just accept in marriage or in any relationship for that matter?

What if nothing else is going on but you know there is lying going on..would that be a deal breaker?

but day...why would someone lie if nothing was going on?

my husband struggles with a particular problem. the only time he lies, day, is when he has fallen into the clutches of this sin.

i too have a particular problem. the only time i lie to him is when i am practicing this sin.

i mean to just lie....just to decieve.....the question would be from me why? what is the purpose? what is the end rusult? what goal is attempting to be accomplished through these lies?

if i lie to someone i have a hidden agenda or motive. my motive may be for them to like me. my motive may be to cause problems. either way there is some kind of agenda/motive behind the lie. that started in the beginning with eve.....it continues to go on. Scripture is full of this very subject.

i have broken deals with my children over having been lied to. but in marriage.....us living lies or telling lies is not a deal breaker....it's a heart breaker, spirit crusher, and quickens the soul...but it is not a deal breaker.

 

[Greatcloud]

What about if your spouse was in jail for life ?

If that was the case with me maybe not, but I am not sure. If there were conjugal visits then I would stay with her. Without the visits I would have to see if we could maintain a relationship. I have no idea but I believe I would stay with her.

Anything else I believe I would stay but a repeat of a major offense(infidelity,drugs) and I would want counseling and/or separation.We are committed to each other for life and beyond so that is what is important. (It's nice to take the test and have your love pull you through.)​

 

[DonaldOrwinRenKern]

Infidelity aside, what would any of you consider breaking marriage vows?

I'm asking what any one of you would consider broken marriage vows. Examples; emotional abuse, porn, verbal abuse, physical abuse, drugs, stealing, lying.

And would you consider these as possible reasons for divorce?

I have seen too many Christians stick it out for way too long with someone simply based on what the church and their church family will think of them.

Don't get me wrong I am not saying every situation presents itself as grounds for divorce, that is far from what I am saying.

But not all situations are the same, for the most part even when the parties are trying to explain what is going on we do not see what happens behind closed doors. How horrible and miserable their lives are in a constant state of fear.

It kills me when I read post where people have those blinders on to the reality of things. They make a blunt statement condemning those who have had enough...

But it is understandable, they haven't had an opportunity to walk a mile in someone elses shoes, for that they are blessed and I wish them ongoing ignorance on such things as the OP has posted.

emotional abuse, porn, verbal abuse, physical abuse, drugs, stealing, lying.

No one should have to deal with these things for the rest of their life. If any of these issues is consistent and have been addressed and are not going away. If you reach a point where you get the strength to walk away... then do it.

A lot of high and mighty seem to think that it is easy to walk away. Put yourself in someones shoes where they have been living with this lie for so long that they believe no one will believe them. They feel alone, no real friends.

The moment they leave they will be condemned by the people who are supposed to be there for them. Knowing that all of this will be turned around on them.

This is reinforced by their abusive spouse telling them that their whole world will crumble with out them. They can't take care of themselves. You will never find someone who will love you as much as I do. You will come crawling back on your hands and knees and by then it will be too late. You are emotionally unstable and I will take the kids from you. You are disgusting, you are fat. You are a big fake, you are worthless, you are lazy. Get your ass out of bed and do something for once. If everyone knew the real you they would be repulsed....

and so on and so on...

It may seem easy to someone who doesn't have to deal with that... but it's not.

 

[arizonasunset]

What about if your spouse was in jail for life ?​

If that was the case with me maybe not, but I am not sure. If there were conjugal visits then I would stay with her. Without the visits I would have to see if we could maintain a relationship. I have no idea but I believe I would stay with her.​

actually greatcloud this is very interesting to have to monitor when working in corrections. touching is not even allowed. but it is attempted over and over again. both inmate and visitor will lie and sneak just to hold each others hands. a kiss is allowed when first greeted and when the visitor departs but nothing more.

many get married while in prison, while others sit and listen to their spouses beat them and berate them as to how they have made their lives a living hell.

yet they stayed married to them. i have seen some pretty wild relationships from behind bars.....the dynamics are intense and real.

totally off the subject there day...sorry about that...it was found an interesting statement to me.