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Weird Hubby Behavior

Discussion in 'Married Couples' started by Heather Maka, Nov 12, 2017.

  1. DZoolander

    DZoolander Regular Member

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    Why did he get so mad at you?

    Because it seems like everything out of your mouth is some form of calling him a liar and a cheat. He wants to work out at the office gym? What's your response? "Does that other woman work out there?"

    Maybe he's had enough of the years of every single thing he does being viewed within that context. I sure as heck would.
     
  2. DZoolander

    DZoolander Regular Member

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    Let's put it this way. Let's say I was a liar and a cheat. Let's say I had a woman at the office I wanted to carry on with. Nobody would ever know. I would simply go to her place at lunch and have at it. So far as anyone was concerned I was going to eat at Baja Fresh. I was taking my lunch hour. She would be taking her lunch hour. Coincidence that we both took lunch at noon? Not really. Not that anyone would notice. Most people take their lunch at noon or whatever.

    There would be no admissions of taking her out to see the town. There would be no telling our kids that I went out to lunch with so and so. There would be no telling anyone anything. If I wanted to be truly deceitful - it isn't that hard to do it. I can't imagine he's too much of a moron to know the same thing.

    If I were looking for hookers - would I give them my actual phone number? No. I'd go out to 7-11 and buy myself a $30 disposable phone. That way no "accidents" would ever happen. The cel phone my wife knows I carry would never cross anyone's path that I didn't want her seeing had called. The disposable phone would never grace my car. It would never come anywhere near my home. It would stay in an inconspicuous place that noone would ever find - used only when I needed to set up my dalliances.

    That's what a liar and a cheat would do. ESPECIALLY if he's got a snoop after him.
     
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  3. Heather Maka

    Heather Maka New Member

    21
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    Yes I would be willing to bet they're having an emotional affair- or that it is an entirely different woman he is lunching with (and telling me that he had lunch with his lesbian coworker). Maybe I'm jumping the gun or thinking ahead too much- but I know the deceit people are capable of. I don't particularly enjoy being on the receiving end of it. I think I deserve more respect and love than this relationship is providing me. My husband is just simply not the type of guy who he wants to be. He wants to be a good Christian loving husband whom people respect and he tries to portray this image to anyone else on the outside. However, he can be a very cold, heartless person with huge mood swings and a tendency to get bored with a good relationship. Even when we have been blissfully happy in the past, he has done things to "rock the boat". I have gone thru so much with him over the past 3 years. We have found out one of our children has a disability. My husband has had depression (which he denies). He has had a porn addiction- which he says he has overcome. Also about 1.5 yrs ago, I demanded that he go to anger management therapy for his angry outbursts (he kicked a hole in an interior door in our home, he picked up a small granite top table and threw it upside down (breaking the granite) in front of our children. All because I wanted to get a doctor on-call paged for my son with disability. My son was having a health issue and my husband didn't agree or want to help me call the doctor (I was busy cleaning up vomit on the floor). We had words and he threw the table upside down. I'm not saying I'm perfect either- but he is definitely far from it. I just don't think he's the one in the position to be calling up attorneys considering all he has done. So- I think he just wants out. I'm really trying hard, but it has become difficult for me to want to stay in the marriage. I had a friend suggest to me to just cheat on him because that's what she would do/did when a guy cheated on her. I'm sorry- but I just don't do that. I have better morals than that and know how it feels to be cheated on...so I'm not a person that does that. My husband also has a ton of baggage/stress from his family. His brother is a drug addict who is older than my husband, but he is constantly in trouble with the law and either in jail or a hospital. My in-laws are old and having lots of health problems. I try to talk to my husband about these things and he shuts me out. His mother puts a ton of pressure on him to visit them every weekend (they live 2.5 hrs away). It's just not possible for us to be driving there every weekend. This causes a lot of guilt on my husband. I think in the past, he has used sex as a coping mechanism (hence the porn addiction). I sometimes think it's just best that I let him go. Just let him go out and sow his wild oats if that's what he needs to do. I just don't think he understands that once I'm out/gone, I will NOT be getting back with him. I'm not interested in that. I feel that if I'm not important enough to stay with right now- then he's not important enough to me to get back with. I'm sorry if that sounds cruel, but this man has twisted my heart apart so many times I cannot count. I cannot put myself thru it again. I barely survived the ordeals we went thru several years ago. He refuses to acknowledge the problem with any of his behaviors and I am just left with nothing to work with.



     
  4. DZoolander

    DZoolander Regular Member

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    I've never heard of a more miserable couple of people apparently hell-bent on making each other miserable.
     
  5. Heather Maka

    Heather Maka New Member

    21
    +6
    United States
    Methodist
    Married
    Speaking of the disposable phone, back during the porn/hooker thing I actually found some digital evidence in his regular phone history where he was looking at Cricket phones. I asked him what it was and he blew it off like he was looking for a phone for his brother.

    Yes what you say makes sense (surely he wouldn't come out and admit he was going to lunch with a woman if he really has something going with her)....and I really don't like coming across as a snoop- because I really am not unless given reason to be. But you just have to understand I have found a crap ton of little things that were weird coincidences. For example:

    - history on phone where he was looking at disposable phones (he said it was for his brother who is aged 50)

    - live chat software on our office computers (he claimed popups)

    - in program files on his laptop- a folder called "Second Life" (a virtual reality dating program) - I never confronted him about this because it's just plain weird!

    - after a business trip there was history on his phone showing site called snapsext (he says he doesn't know what that is)

    - text from the hooker (he claims it's a wrong number)

    - digital traces on his phone for Ashley Madison (he claims was popup while he viewed porn)


    Everything the guy does has traces of sex....all the while, he neglects his wife, his home, his yard, etc. This is so NOT the man I married. Our relationship was NOT like this. I had full trust in him at that time and didn't have to worry about stuff like this. I'm telling you- he's using this stuff as a coping mechanism and he refuses to acknowledge he's got a problem.




     
  6. DZoolander

    DZoolander Regular Member

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    Just to play devil's advocate - is that a possibility? Does his brother have a cel phone? Is there anything quirky about his brother? Like, my brother has asperger's, and in a lot of ways is kind of dysfunctional. He doesn't have credit cards, he doesn't have a home phone, he doesn't have a cel phone, he basically just has internet. I see having a phone as a safety thing - and I've mulled over (and searched for) disposable cel phones for him in the past.

    Is there anything similar with his brother?

    I actually did a little bit of research on that LiveJasmine thing you were talking about earlier - and apparently they are notorious for their popups on porn sites. They pay the various free porn sites to pop up windows with live models with the opportunity to chat (for a charge) as their way of marketing. There are tons of sites that talk about how to block those popups. So, at least with that one I would be inclined to believe him. Other people are apparently irritated that LiveJasmine interrupts their free porn as well. lol

    I didn't even know second life still existed...and at least when I was aware of it (like 12-13 years ago) it wasn't a dating app. It was a VRML/Virtual Reality type of experiment of a site. Does it still exist?

    (nevermind I just looked) - yeah - it's advertising itself as the same type of thing that I remembered it being. It doesn't ADVERTISE itself as a dating site. Is that your understanding of what it is? I thought it was kind of like "The Sims" but with real people running around spending their earned online currency to buy virtual homes, etc.

    Just looked that up as well (never heard of it). Apparently that's a nude selfie trading app. That would catch my eye and pique my curiosity if I were you.

    Also passed a lie detector test on that. So I'd be inclined to think it's probably a wrong number.

    Always possible, but worthy of some degree of skepticism. Since you're a decent/tenacious investigator - I'm sure you heard about the Ashley Madison hack where you could search the details of their database to see who had subscribed? I assume you probably checked that? What were the results?

    What was the turning point? It seems to be where you found out he was viewing porn, and when the text came from the hooker?

    Be honest. You think he had sex with the hooker, and is lying about it, right? You just don't feel comfortable abandoning the relationship without verified proof - which the lie detector test didn't provide. Is that about on target?
     
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