Virginity

[OphidiaPhile]

Virginity is an obsolescent concept especially when we have adolescents and teenagers performing oral and anal sex but think that as long as it is not vaginal intercourse they are still virgins.

I personally think that in most cases a virgin getting married is a very bad thing, they have no idea what they do or do not like nor what their sex drive is. They may find out that they really do not want sex very often and they have a spouse that wants it daily or they may find out that they like bondage, toys, anal, oral, Sadomasochism, role playing, or any of a number of other fun things and their partner does not and then we have a relationship that cannot meet the needs of either person. And then we also often see people that wonder what they missed by saving themselves for someone that the sex is not good with and they wonder what their sex life could be like if they had experimented.


People need to make sure they are with someone they are sexually compatible with. Then at least we have couples that have similar interests and know how to please each other.


What happens when someone that loves sex and using as many positions as possible marries a virgin that later finds out that they don't like sex and only one position when they do, we end up with an unhappy and ultimately loveless marriage.

 

[Verv]

I think that anybody can improve their sexual life with the person they are married to, Ophidia.

Unless there is literally a crippling medical condition, I think it merely requires effort and healthy communication.

Sex is also far more fulfilling when there is a real attraction to the other person -- that is why many complain that sex becomes mechanical and less frequent overtime as the flames of passion die down.

 

[OphidiaPhile]

I think that anybody can improve their sexual life with the person they are married to, Ophidia.

Unless there is literally a crippling medical condition, I think it merely requires effort and healthy communication.

Sex is also far more fulfilling when there is a real attraction to the other person -- that is why many complain that sex becomes mechanical and less frequent overtime as the flames of passion die down.

Sex may improve but it still may be far from what they want.

I personally know a woman that had a husband that would not allow the lights to be on, would only do missionary, <staff edit>, thought toys were disgusting, would not experiment and only wanted it once a month or so and they were both virgins when they were married.

 

[Washington]

Obviously the answer to the question at least for the individual depends upon whether one believes extramarital sex is a sin or not, and if one is concerned about sin.

And sin is the only good reason for not doing anything.

 

[Washington]

Sex may improve but it still may be far from what they want.

I personally know a woman that had a husband that would not allow the lights to be on, would only do missionary, <staff edit>, thought toys were disgusting, would not experiment and only wanted it once a month or so and they were both virgins when they were married.

I note you said, "had a husband." Quite understandable.

 

[ReadingForOrders]

And sin is the only good reason for not doing anything.

Thank you for pointing out the fallacy in my logic. Of course there are other reasons to not have sex under specific circumstances but generally most of those who support virginity until marriage do so for religious reasons. I stand (or actually rather sit) corrected.

 

[OphidiaPhile]

I note you said, "had a husband." Quite understandable.

So true

 

[Funny Fundie]

Right, because people who enjoy premarital sex must be either perverts or miserable.

Yes. Usually miserable, but in the dirty old man's case, a pervert.

 

[OphidiaPhile]

Yes. Usually miserable, but in the dirty old man's case, a pervert.

You must live a very sheltered life as I do not know anyone that is miserable that has been very sexually active, I can tell you that I have loved every minute of my life so far.

 

[Garyzenuf]

...would not allow the lights to be on, would only do missionary, <staff edit>, thought toys were disgusting, would not experiment and only wanted it once a month or so...

Sounds like my ex-wife.

Yes. Usually miserable, but in the dirty old man's case, a pervert.

How do you know the dirty old man isn't married?

 

[Funny Fundie]

You must live a very sheltered life as I do not know anyone that is miserable that has been very sexually active, I can tell you that I have loved every minute of my life so far.

I hit an OphidiaPhile nerve. Come to Christ! It's much better and brighter here!

 

[Everlasting33]

I have always placed high value on virginity. I personally view it as something sacred and made for one person. In today's society, this is not such a popular opinion to have.

Even as an agnostic/atheist, my conservative views haven't changed

 

[Washington]

I have always placed high value on virginity. I personally view it as something sacred and made for one person. In today's society, this is not such a popular opinion to have.

Care to expand on your conclusions? I don't intend to argue your choice, just curious.

 

[Rebekka]

I have always placed high value on virginity. I personally view it as something sacred and made for one person. In today's society, this is not such a popular opinion to have.

Even as an agnostic/atheist, my conservative views haven't changed

I'm the same. When I was agnostic I valued virginity too.

Until I joined CF and met American christians I hadn't heard of promise rings or other similar things that scare me a little - peer pressure goes both ways, I guess. Where I'm from virginity is something to be ashamed of (if you're older than 16 or so).

Anyway, it's a personal and private decision IMO.

 

[Everlasting33]

Care to expand on your conclusions? I don't intend to argue your choice, just curious.

Sure. Here is my subjective view on it:

Sex involves two people coming together in the most intimate and passionate way. It involves physical, mental and emotional stimulation. It is enthralling and wonderful.

But before there is an physical intimacy/connection, there must be an emotional one. And I believe this is the most important connection of all.

The emotional intimacy of my loved one would be to remain open and vulnerable to love, maintain healthy boundaries, to both have self-love and acceptance, limited amount of psychological defenses, selflessness, empathy, gentleness and compassion.

I do not want to invest in such an emotional and physical way and then for it to end because of lack of commitment or immaturity. I choose to wait until I am emotionally intimate and commit myself (and him to do the same) to the relationship and person (by marriage), and then be able to be physically intimate. I believe a truly satisfying sexual relationship can be found in this.

 

[Caitlin.ann]

Overrated or not?

Overrated. We're animals, why get in the way of what nature wants?

 

[Washington]

Sure. Here is my subjective view on it:

Sex involves two people coming together in the most intimate and passionate way. It involves physical, mental and emotional stimulation. It is enthralling and wonderful.

But before there is an physical intimacy/connection, there must be an emotional one. And I believe this is the most important connection of all.

The emotional intimacy of my loved one would be to remain open and vulnerable to love, maintain healthy boundaries, to both have self-love and acceptance, limited amount of psychological defenses, selflessness, empathy, gentleness and compassion.

I do not want to invest in such an emotional and physical way and then for it to end because of lack of commitment or immaturity. I choose to wait until I am emotionally intimate and commit myself (and him to do the same) to the relationship and person (by marriage), and then be able to be physically intimate. I believe a truly satisfying sexual relationship can be found in this.

I understand where you're coming from. Thanks.

 

[PassionFruit]

Yes. Usually miserable, but in the dirty old man's case, a pervert.

LOL!!

Are you serious?!

 

[nesian]

Possibly overated.
I'm a virgin & I touch and think sexual thoughts, which
I'm trying to curb.
There's not much of a difference between virgins and non virgins.
Except for the experience.
If I wasn't Christian, I would definitely have had sex already.
But I'll (try to) save it for marriage.

 

[nesian]

^Hah. All minds are perverted, in one way or another.