Virginity

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Caitlin.ann

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Here's an interesting twist, inspired by Tropical Wilds.

I have had sex with three men, including my fiance. I have almost no sex drive as in on a scale of 1-10, I'm a 1.

My fiance has had sex with 1 person, me. His sex drive is through the roof, probably being a 8 or 9 on a scale of 1-10. He is the "perverted" one with a dirty mind, who needs that sort of attention all the time.

Who is the pervert? The one with the most notches or the higher drive and need for naughtiness?

*goes off to watch "My Own Worst Enemy" to ponder".
 
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OphidiaPhile

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Well we will just say that I stopped counting at 50 and my gf has been with 7 guys and on a scale of 1-10 my sex drive is about 12, she says it is ridiculous and her sex drive is about an 8 out of 10.


I actually met my gf when she was 14, there is 10 year age difference, and we were friends for many years before we started dating a couple years ago.
 
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HaloHope

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I'm not sure I view Virginity itself as a particularly important thing it's certainly not something I ever felt was special or wonderful.. however, I do believe that people are meant to be with one partner for life (unfortunately of course this doesn't always work out) and share a sex act only with someone they are totally and utterly committed too. Obviously I don't look down on people for believing differently to this but for me, if I was to split with my existing partner for any reason, I think id opt for celibacy for the rest of my life.


Back to virginity, I think its pretty disturbing that such a focus has been placed on virginity especially when people see it as an attractive quality in a woman for example.

Virginity can also be defined in different ways too, for example Ive never had penatrative sex with my also female partner, but we have done sexual things.... I dont classify myself as a virgin, but some people might.
 
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SallyNow

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All the fundies are going to talk about how sacred and pure it is, all the more liberal minded are going to say how it's not special and people should be sexually explorative.

There's always an option 3: Other. Always. Never forget that. There must always be "other".

Viriginity is special if someone wants to keep it special. If someone wants to stay a virgin until they find someone who they feel committed to, who respects them, and who they love and respect, then it's a wonderful thing.

If virginity is imposed on a person through strict parental and later community control, there is a huge problem, and virginity in that situation is overrated.

When virginity is so important that a woman who is raped is considered unclean, then virginity has become an idol, and worshipping it idolatry, it is a travesty, a tragedy.


If a person, through their free will, chooses to remain chaste and do good works throughout their life - say, a nun or priest or monk - their lives, they as persons, are much more than virgins - they are people who could put others in front of them their entire lives.

So, it really depends on the context. Is virginity overrated? Yes, especially in more fundementalist cultures, and no, in more liberal cultures.
 
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Rebekka

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There's always an option 3: Other. Always. Never forget that. There must always be "other".

Viriginity is special if someone wants to keep it special. If someone wants to stay a virgin until they find someone who they feel committed to, who respects them, and who they love and respect, then it's a wonderful thing.

If virginity is imposed on a person through strict parental and later community control, there is a huge problem, and virginity in that situation is overrated.

When virginity is so important that a woman who is raped is considered unclean, then virginity has become an idol, and worshipping it idolatry, it is a travesty, a tragedy.


If a person, through their free will, chooses to remain chaste and do good works throughout their life - say, a nun or priest or monk - their lives, they as persons, are much more than virgins - they are people who could put others in front of them their entire lives.

So, it really depends on the context. Is virginity overrated? Yes, especially in more fundementalist cultures, and no, in more liberal cultures.
Well said. :thumbsup:
 
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wanderingone

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I have always placed high value on virginity. I personally view it as something sacred and made for one person. In today's society, this is not such a popular opinion to have.

Even as an agnostic/atheist, my conservative views haven't changed :)

I don't think it matters if it's a popular opinion. I think it matters how we treat ourselves and others in terms of respecting a personal value. Believing virginity to be something one should maintain until marriage and taking charge of one's sexuality in the context of beliefs is quite reasonable. Having daddy control it to the extent that rings are given and expected to be given back if one fails, promises are made to fathers and father figures that celibacy will be maintained and given up at marriage under male control is quite repulsive.
 
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wanderingone

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I'm the same. When I was agnostic I valued virginity too.

Until I joined CF and met American christians I hadn't heard of promise rings or other similar things that scare me a little - peer pressure goes both ways, I guess. Where I'm from virginity is something to be ashamed of (if you're older than 16 or so).

Anyway, it's a personal and private decision IMO.

Here there's an odd fine line... kids seem to be shocked to discover someone is a virgin, and will make fun of it, at the same time girls who indulge too much still get a "label" more so than boys.

I agree it's a personal decision. To my kids I say there may be a close friend or 2 and an adult or 2 who you share your personal information with but in general I don't think one's sexual exploits (or lack of them) is meant for public consumption.

The purity balls and all the rings and what not in my opinion just feed into sexual obsession. Self respect and respect for others go a long way in making healthy personal choices.
 
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Garyzenuf

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I actually met my gf when she was 14, there is 10 year age difference, and we were friends for many years before we started dating a couple years ago.

I'm glad you waited, I don't think four year olds should be dating either. :)
 
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uberd00b

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Virginity is an absolute non-issue to me and just about everyone I know. Why would it be an issue (except of course in primitive tribes where your daughter would be worthless without it)?

Right, because people who enjoy premarital sex must be either perverts or miserable.
Don't puncture his illusion! If he realises that sex is a natural and healthy part of life that he's been pointlessly missing out on he'll be devastated.
 
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fivepointTULIP

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I personally know a woman that had a husband that would not allow the lights to be on, would only do missionary, hated both anal and oral, thought toys were disgusting, would not experiment and only wanted it once a month or so and they were both virgins when they were married.

Hey! That is almost me! Add in having done the purity ring thing, been ostracized after losing my virginity to rape, and being well trained that the purpose of a woman is to please a man and not think of herself...

Recipe for disaster, I tell ya. I'm not willing to put that kind of burden on my children. So I guess that although I was one of the most gung-ho "purity til marriage" girls out there, age and experience will temper the extremes.
 
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cantata

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Where in the Apostolic writings do we see any of this?

Er, what has that to do with anything? I wasn't talking about the Apostolic writings; I was talking about the way women have been treated for most of human history.
 
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sidnee

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I don't think it matters if it's a popular opinion. I think it matters how we treat ourselves and others in terms of respecting a personal value. Believing virginity to be something one should maintain until marriage and taking charge of one's sexuality in the context of beliefs is quite reasonable. Having daddy control it to the extent that rings are given and expected to be given back if one fails, promises are made to fathers and father figures that celibacy will be maintained and given up at marriage under male control is quite repulsive.
You know, I was given a purity ring at 12. And I never considered that it wasnt a perfectly normal custom, When I lost my virginity I felt like a total failure but I never stopped wearing it or gave it back. I got pregnant, still didnt give it back. Finally actually THOUGHT about the idea of it and gave it back to my dad, along with the reason you mentioned. I dont care to be dictated or controlled. I am me, and my sexuality is mine.
 
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PassionFruit

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You know, I was given a purity ring at 12. And I never considered that it wasnt a perfectly normal custom, When I lost my virginity I felt like a total failure but I never stopped wearing it or gave it back. I got pregnant, still didnt give it back. Finally actually THOUGHT about the idea of it and gave it back to my dad, along with the reason you mentioned. I dont care to be dictated or controlled. I am me, and my sexuality is mine.

That's essentially the issue I have with placing so much value on virginity. When one loses when they feel they weren't ready to, they feel bad. Like I said before, people should make decisions about their own sexuality, it shouldn't be imposed on them.
 
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Washington

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Not being familiar with purity rings, I did a little research and came upon the following:


Purity rings, or chastity rings/promise rings originated in the United States in the 1990s among Christian affiliated sexual abstinence groups. The rings are sold to adolescents, or to parents so that the rings may be given to their adolescent children as gifts.

Wearing a purity ring is typically accompanied by a religious vow to practice celibacy until marriage. The ring is usually worn on the left ring finger with the implication that the wearer will remain abstinent until it is replaced with a wedding ring. Although the ring is worn on the hand, where others can see, its main purpose is to serve as a constant reminder to the wearer of their commitment between themselves and God to remain pure until marriage. There is no particular style for purity rings; however, many worn by Christians have a cross in their design in reference to Jesus Christ. Some rings contain a diamond chip or other gemstone and/or "True Love Waits", "One Life, One Love", or another similar saying embossed somewhere on the ring.

Criticisms of purity rings
Critics of purity rings argue that virginity pledges are an unrealistic approach to suppressing teenage sexuality and any consequential outcomes such as pregnancy, STDs, etc. A recent review of a number of independent American studies concluded that abstinence programs "show little evidence of sustained impact on attitudes and intentions", and furthermore "show some negative impacts on youth's willingness to use contraception, including condoms, to prevent negative sexual health outcomes related to sexual intercourse".

David Bario, a reporter in the Chicago Tribune, Rutland Herald (on March 29, 2005) and at several other news websites wrote:
"Under the Bush administration, organizations that promote abstinence and encourage teens to sign virginity pledges or wear purity rings have received federal grants. The Silver Ring Thing, a subsidiary of a Pennsylvania Evangelical Church, has received more than $1 million from the government to promote abstinence and to sell its rings in the United States and abroad."
The ACLU of Massachusetts brought charges against this decision, because the Silver Ring program did not ensure its secularity and hence was ineligible for federal funding due to the Establishment Clause of the First Amendment. The settlement between the ACLU and the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) says that any further similar applications of Silver Ring Thing must be reported to ACLU and closely scrutinized for separation of church and state.

Miss Manners's opinion is that "polite society does not recognize such a thing as a chastity ring. It is so polite that it presumes that a lady is chaste unless publicly proven otherwise."

source
 
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sidhe

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Purity rings = silliness.

My partner wants to make nice, tasteful silver rings with such engraved sentiments as "Sacred harlot" and "True Love Denies Nothing". :D

If someone wants to wait for marriage, yay. If not, yay. If they want to be celibate, yay. If they want to try to set a new world record for most sexual partners, yay. Whatever floats your boat.

And, to add to the tally...

...err, I lost count? I once did some estimation and by the crazy "if you have sex with someone you are joined in one flesh with them and all others they've slept with and that you ever sleep with" I've created some kind of 1000+ headed monster. On a scale of 1-10, my sex drive is approximately 15. And the total would be higher if I hadn't sworn off sex 'til I got to college...

...unless you count things that aren't technically sex...in which case it's far more interesting than you can imagine...
 
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QuakerOats

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I remember when I used to attend a Pentecostal church, and the issue of purity was brought up at youth group-all the kids and their parents thought purity rings were 'such a cool idea.' I went home and mentioned it to my dad, and he's like 'that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.' lol He actually told me that it's none of his business what I do, or even who I marry, or what have you, because I'll be the one stuck with them. Good old Dad! ^_^
 
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sidnee

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That's essentially the issue I have with placing so much value on virginity. When one loses when they feel they weren't ready to, they feel bad. Like I said before, people should make decisions about their own sexuality, it shouldn't be imposed on them.
I lost it, on "accident" it was just a caught up in the moment thing, and I instantly felt like a failure. And I felt intensly stupid, and spent months depressed about it. Why? Because imo my upbringing put waaaaay to much emphasis on abstinence. But thats a different matter lol
 
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