Unhappily Unmarried

[JesseFrank]

You're talking to one. That's not a come on.

You should articulate a preference for marriage-minded women who desire to be stay-at-home mothers. That's the bigger goal. You need a certain disposition to be home full-time and thrive without complaint. Painting a picture is best. What does marriage to you entail? Show her.

Your profile should be concise and to the point. Speak her language. Show your romantic side and communicate vibrancy in your description. There's a stigma about staying home. So counter it. Mention travel and the adventures you'll have. That will resonate with the right type.

I didn't mention self-employment for a reason. The person willing to remain home with a child will have the discipline to run a business while doing so. Both require personal sacrifice.

Are you talking about meeting people on these forums?

 

[bèlla]

Are you talking about meeting people on these forums?

No. If you're using other sites to form connections that's something to go on.

 

[JesseFrank]

No. If you're using other sites to form connections that's something to go on.

Gotcha, I appreciate the help

 

[bèlla]

Gotcha, I appreciate the help

My pleasure. A few tweaks should do the trick. Keep us posted.

 

[DragonFox91]

BTW you're getting freakin Tinder dates. Lots, & I mean LOTS, of men struggle w/ online dating. You seriously just got to keep your head up & keep trying.

A bunch of low value guys?

I'm not worried about them.

^ That's the attitude you must take throughout life; you can't be insecure about your position. Not ever. Because ultimately, good things come to those who are willing to put their balls on the line.

If you're meeting up with her, then you're meeting up with her. It's going to happen. So that's when you make your impression - on the day, with body language, engaging dialogue, good humour and confidence.

Don't sweat it between days. You let "another man" do that. By the time the date comes round it'll be a nice change for her to actually hear someone talk, as opposed to reading constant messages from chancers.

I wouldn't/don't text b/c I'm afraid. I do it b/c who I am. I want to communicate w/ a girl / people. I want to show affection that way. I want to be someone part of my life. I think good conversations can still come face-to-face even if you're texting too.

That's good you're not worried about it. It's just something to be aware of that could be going on.

 

[ReesePiece23]

I wouldn't/don't text b/c I'm afraid. I do it b/c who I am. I want to communicate w/ a girl / people.

That's good you're not worried about it. It's just something to be aware of that could be going on.

I don't intend to come off sounding arrogant by the way, I'm just old when it comes to this sort of thing. As I said, my first date was in 2003 - and I think my first all night, pillow talk/joint soul search happened during the same year.

Crazy to think that it was more than half my life ago now. So yeah, it's like I'm an old man at 30.

 

[bèlla]

I wouldn't/don't text b/c I'm afraid. I do it b/c who I am. I want to communicate w/ a girl / people. I want to show affection that way. I want to be someone part of my life. I think good conversations can still come face-to-face even if you're texting too.

There's nothing wrong with texting. Communication is a mixed bag. I prefer organic discourse. We allow the conversation and connection to influence frequency.

When I'm interested in hearing from you, it doesn't matter if it's text, phone, or in person. You're the common denominator. I want to engage.

I like men to relate from their authentic selves. Don't play a role. That turns me off.

 

[ReesePiece23]

For clarity, when I say 'confident' I really mean be the most YOU version of you there is. When you own what you are the confidence will come. Authenticity and confidence are the same thing in my eyes.

Do NOT be fake. Oh, boy do not be fake - that's the worst thing you can do. But DO approach from a position of self love - i.e. not looking for external validation by constantly jamming her phone.

Needed to add that. I don't want to sound like a douche bag dating coach.

Right, back to the flat earth threads.

 

[DragonFox91]

For clarity, when I say 'confident' I really mean be the most YOU version of you there is. When you own what you are the confidence will come. Authenticity and confidence are the same thing in my eyes.

Do NOT be fake. Oh, boy do not be fake - that's the worst thing you can do. But DO approach from a position of self love - i.e. not looking for external validation by constantly jamming her phone.

Needed to add that. I don't want to sound like a douche bag dating coach.

Right, back to the flat earth threads.

Oooh, sounds interesting.

I don't think the Earth is flat & God's given us the ability to see for ourselves it's not, but I'll respect anyone who believes it is flat.

 

[returntosender]

No offense taken.

What do you mean by not enough internal?

22, Your life has barely begun. Love God love yourself and love others and all will fall into place.
Look inside people until you find something you like and after a while you won't be able to find much else.
What's your hurry?

 

[Miss Spaulding]

Ahh, yes. I remember the days of being 22 and wanting to be married.

I got over it. Though, that's not to say those emotions weren't strong and the desire not legitimate, but with time I entered the subtle but deep maturing phase of one's mid to late twenties and now see things such as marriage and relationships in a whole new light. And a healthier one at that.

Anyway. As a single woman in her early thirties, I really have no advice. But I will remind you that God views marriage positively and I think He is more than happy and willing to grant love and marriage to those who seek a Godly marital union. I don't think you have anything to worry about. But remember, God's timing is not your timing.

Oh, and welcome to CF.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I very consistently attract nerdy women, which is my target demographic. I'm a wedding videographer, but I also like to make short films. So finding someone who is also interested in that field would be preferred. That is what makes things difficult.

I'm not opposed to dating someone who already has their own career or isn't very tech savvy, but those women aren't normally interested in a guy like me. It works out because I'm normally not interested in them either.

What bothers me more than anything is when I'm going out with someone, and they just drop off the face off the earth. I know that I'm not a perfect person, but if someone is going to lose interest I would genuinely like to know why. Everything was going well with the last girl I went out with, at least that's what I thought. Three dates later she was giving me positive feedback, and then...nothing.

I should also mention that I don't really date for fun. I date because I'm looking for a wife. That should scare a lot of people away, and I understand that. But when a 20 year old attractive women has seemingly endless choices when it comes to men at that age, it doesn't make sense from their perspective to settle down so quickly. The real issue comes into play when they turn 30.

Most of the weddings I film are couples in their early 30s or late 20s. The women that are marrying these men are almost always extremely attractive. The guys most of the time look like they've spent the last 10 years in their mothers basement. Out of shape, ugly, but nice men.

My hypothesis is that when these women were 20, because their options were endless, they could date whoever they wanted. But as time goes on, their options decrease. At the end, they're left with the guys at the bottom of the barrel who they would have never considered going out with 10 years ago. Because they want to start a family, they pick a guy who for all intensive purposes will never leave them.

I'm in the unique position of owning a small business, where I can take off whenever I want. If I wanted to ride around in a corvette I could, but it's not a wise decision. I have been told by many people that I'm very good natured, in the sense that I can get along with just about anybody.

The real kicker for me is that I feel like I'm being punished for making good decisions. The reason I work hard is so that I can have money to provide for a family. Except I don't have a family, so I have all this extra cash laying around that I end up spending on new cameras.

I am taking a guess that these men that were men they had friendzone (10 years ago), then later decided "He was there ALL ALONG!" and married said guy.

Now, I am kind of baffled that these women are VERY attractive women marrying these unkempt guys though. I kind of envy them. lol Can you send these ladies my way? LOL j/k

I am guessing you live in a smaller town/demographic where the options are stuck to those guys alone?

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I very consistently attract nerdy women, which is my target demographic. I'm a wedding videographer, but I also like to make short films. So finding someone who is also interested in that field would be preferred. That is what makes things difficult.

I'm not opposed to dating someone who already has their own career or isn't very tech savvy, but those women aren't normally interested in a guy like me. It works out because I'm normally not interested in them either.

What bothers me more than anything is when I'm going out with someone, and they just drop off the face off the earth. I know that I'm not a perfect person, but if someone is going to lose interest I would genuinely like to know why. Everything was going well with the last girl I went out with, at least that's what I thought. Three dates later she was giving me positive feedback, and then...nothing.

I should also mention that I don't really date for fun. I date because I'm looking for a wife. That should scare a lot of people away, and I understand that. But when a 20 year old attractive women has seemingly endless choices when it comes to men at that age, it doesn't make sense from their perspective to settle down so quickly. The real issue comes into play when they turn 30.

Most of the weddings I film are couples in their early 30s or late 20s. The women that are marrying these men are almost always extremely attractive. The guys most of the time look like they've spent the last 10 years in their mothers basement. Out of shape, ugly, but nice men.

My hypothesis is that when these women were 20, because their options were endless, they could date whoever they wanted. But as time goes on, their options decrease. At the end, they're left with the guys at the bottom of the barrel who they would have never considered going out with 10 years ago. Because they want to start a family, they pick a guy who for all intensive purposes will never leave them.

I'm in the unique position of owning a small business, where I can take off whenever I want. If I wanted to ride around in a corvette I could, but it's not a wise decision. I have been told by many people that I'm very good natured, in the sense that I can get along with just about anybody.

The real kicker for me is that I feel like I'm being punished for making good decisions. The reason I work hard is so that I can have money to provide for a family. Except I don't have a family, so I have all this extra cash laying around that I end up spending on new cameras.

Honestly, isn't a future prospect being into the same obscure niche' hobby as a requirement asking a little too much? I mean, I known a lot of married couples that have their own interests, although it is "nice" to have someone with the same shared interests, I think of it as a bonus.

I am teetering myself, however, to find someone as nerdy as I am. Although, I have
known some women to be so into me that they'd be willing to take on the interests that I am in, even though they've never had an interest in them to begin with. That's been known to occur among couples, too.

 

[bèlla]

I am teetering myself, however, to find someone as nerdy as I am.

Are nerdy women commonplace? I don’t meet many.

Although, I have known some women to be so into me that they'd be willing to take on the interests that I am in, even though they've never had an interest in them to begin with. That's been known to occur among couples, too.

I’m willing to try something new. I won’t like everything he’s into but there’s other ways to participate.

For instance, I no longer follow football but tailgating is fine or game nights for other sports. I’ll handle the food and he can spend time with friends.

We can go to live events too. I don’t mind sitting through a game. I understand basketball, baseball, hockey, etc. And there’s others I still enjoy.

 

[DragonFox91]

Are nerdy women commonplace? I don’t meet many.

They're not common, no. I think that's one of the reasons why you see so many singles. The men are too nerdy & likewise want a female nerd; the women aren't as nerdy & the men are too nerdy.

Not that women don't have nerdy interests themselves, they're just not AS NERDY as the men, tho many are, of course. I just think it's a smaller %.

Oh gosh, I really have to watch what I say......I really don't mean this to hurt anyone. I just think the discrepancy is there.

I’m willing to try something new. I won’t like everything he’s into but there’s other ways to participate.

For instance, I no longer follow football but tailgating is fine or game nights for other sports. I’ll handle the food and he can spend time with friends.

We can go to live events too. I don’t mind sitting through a game. I understand basketball, baseball, hockey, etc. And there’s others I still enjoy.

I love going to sporting events. She doesn't have to be as a sports-fan herself as I am, but she should be willing to go to some games/events.

What are some things a woman would like a man would have to 'put up w/?'

 

[DragonFox91]

I am taking a guess that these men that were men they had friendzone (10 years ago), then later decided "He was there ALL ALONG!" and married said guy.

Now, I am kind of baffled that these women are VERY attractive women marrying these unkempt guys though. I kind of envy them. lol Can you send these ladies my way? LOL j/k

I am guessing you live in a smaller town/demographic where the options are stuck to those guys alone?

I think he's exagerrating that.

 

[bèlla]

They're not common, no. I think that's one of the reasons why you see so many singles. The men are too nerdy & likewise want a female nerd; the women aren't as nerdy & the men are too nerdy.

I didn't think so.

Not that women don't have nerdy interests themselves, they're just not AS NERDY as the men, tho many are, of course. I just think it's a smaller %.

Oh gosh, I really have to watch what I say......I really don't mean this to hurt anyone. I just think the discrepancy is there.

I don't believe most women are nerdy. I wouldn't call our quirkiness nerdy. It's a different vibe.

What are some things a woman would like a man would have to 'put up w/?'

Chick flicks, shopping, giving positive feedback on her appearance, empathizing with beauty fails/mistakes, product obsession (please bring the right one!), taste tester (for food), sharing feelings, being a sounding board for her friends or hearing it from her, non sexual touch, religious coupling (prayer, bible study, devotionals), and date nights.

 

[bèlla]

I think he's exagerrating that.

If by unkempt he means they're casual or haven't met their iron in a while that's possible. But I doubt they're bums.

 

[DragonFox91]

I don't believe most women are nerdy. I wouldn't call our quirkiness nerdy. It's a different vibe.

I also think the things many of them are 'nerdy' about, aren't the same as what men tend to be nerdy about.

Chick flicks, shopping, giving positive feedback on her appearance, empathizing with beauty fails/mistakes, product obsession (please bring the right one!), taste tester (for food), sharing feelings, being a sounding board for her friends or hearing it from her, non sexual touch, religious coupling (prayer, bible study, devotionals), and date nights.

I like a lot of those

 

[bèlla]

I also think the things many of them are 'nerdy' about, aren't the same as what men tend to be nerdy about.

I agree. The nerdiest thing I do is play The Sims.

I like a lot of those

She'll thank you.