Unhappily Unmarried

[ReesePiece23]

A woman can conceive a child right up to menopause, which isn't usually until after 50. I think my nan was into her 40s when she had my uncle.

 

[bèlla]

The women I date tend to be insecure, and I'm very attracted to that.

What do you find attractive about their insecurity?

I've heard that confidence is the most attractive quality that a man can have, and while I used to be extremely confident in myself, over time I've created a dense shell around myself to cope with rejection.

Why?

Everything in my life points towards being capable of attracting higher class women. Except I'm not because I'm so horrendously insecure.

What is a high class woman in your vernacular?

But God forbid I talk to a woman I'm attracted to.

The stakes are different. They're judging your work not your person. The discomfort is understandable.

 

[DragonFox91]

I don't chat on text because I want to save any important conversations face to face.

Bad

I agree to some extent, but face-to-face, if she's the one, there'll always be important conversations or conversations worth having face-to-face

They probably don't think you're that interested in them.

Text, text, text.

Try that.

If that doesn't work, another option could be to just tell a girl you don't like to text b/c you value face-to-face converstaion. Have you ever done that?

 

[JesseFrank]

What do you find attractive about their insecurity?



Why?



What is a high class woman in your vernacular?



The stakes are different. They're judging your work not your person. The discomfort is understandable.

Being with someone that's less secure than me makes me feel more secure about myself.

I don't handle rejection well at all.

Who doesn't want a sophisticated partner? Someone to discuss your thoughts and beliefs with?

 

[JesseFrank]

Bad

I agree to some extent, but face-to-face, if she's the one, there'll always be important conversations or conversations worth having face-to-face

They probably don't think you're that interested in them.

Text, text, text.

Try that.

If that doesn't work, another option could be to just tell a girl you don't like to text b/c you value face-to-face converstaion. Have you ever done that?

I'll keep that in mind.

 

[JesseFrank]

A woman can conceive a child right up to menopause, which isn't usually until after 50. I think my nan was into her 40s when she had my uncle.

If I have the choice of marrying an intelligent Godly woman who's 40...or 20...I'm going with the 20 year old.

 

[ReesePiece23]

Bad!

You should be texting them a lot. That's how you build the connection. Anyone who tells you you shouldn't be texting a lot doesn't know what they're talking about. Actual phone calls? Yes, those shouldn't be a lot. But texting is a must. Whatever comes to mind. Casual stuff. Stuff you think she'd be interested in. Things you find funny. Things you're doing. Whatever!

Try that.

I went on my first date in 2003 before I had a mobile phone. In fact, I didn't have a mobile until my second year of college -and even then, I used it pretty sparingly until well into the 2010s. The best dating years of my life were before I had a phone.

"Meet me tonight at seven" I'd say. Then on the Friday, I'd say "see you on Monday."

Not only did it keep the excitement of seeing them alive, it created unpredictability - the good kind. So always, always, always save the deep conversations for the date. Text sporadically and keep it short and sweet. Otherwise, it waters down the experience when you actually do see them.

 

[bèlla]

I pretty much set everything up, I read somewhere that women like it when men take charge. Even though I could care less about where we ate.

Getting input is helpful. You learn a lot about her and can explore activities you wouldn't think of on your own.

From my perspective, the dates aren't very intimate. Test driving cars, going to church, and watching your shoot aren't getting to know you activities. They're the sort of thing you do when you're further down the road.

Fun activities are better. They help people relax and let go. You see authentic expressions and behavior. Instead of test driving cars, maybe go-karting is best. A popular spot with a great vibe is a good place to eat. Especially one she's been dying to try.

Watching your shoot is fine if I'm into you and we're an item. I wouldn't bring someone on a job early on. They may be bored. Relationships are all about otherness. Consideration is the number thing women recount when they discuss their dates. He did this for me. Said that. Made sure of is. And so on.

We don't forget.

~bella

 

[ReesePiece23]

If I have the choice of marrying an intelligent Godly woman who's 40...or 20...I'm going with the 20 year old.

Fair enough. No judgements here.

 

[JesseFrank]

I went on my first date in 2003 before I had a mobile phone. In fact, I didn't have a mobile until my second year of college -and even then, I used it pretty sparingly until well into the 2010s. The best dating years of my life were before I had a phone.

"Meet me tonight at seven" I'd say. Then on the Friday, I'd say "see you on Monday."

Not only did it keep the excitement of seeing them alive, it created unpredictability - the good kind. So always, always, always save the deep conversations for the date. Text sporadically and keep it short and sweet. Otherwise, it waters down the experience when you actually do see them.

You my friend are speaking my language

 

[bèlla]

Being with someone that's less secure than me makes me feel more secure about myself.

You're playing to your fear. Your partner should help you grow and transcend your shortcomings. Not reinforce them. Someone more secure would offset the weakness and strengthen you in that area.

Who doesn't want a sophisticated partner? Someone to discuss your thoughts and beliefs with?

Can you articulate what that means? Your perspective of high class may differ from the readers. We want to be on the same page.

Paint me a picture. What is she like?

 

[JesseFrank]

We don't forget.

~bella

That's what terrifies me lol

 

[bèlla]

That's what terrifies me lol

That isn't a bad thing. Remembrance is powerful. That's what gets you through the hard stuff. Recalling who he is and what's he's done thus far. When your partner fails or hurts you; you need something to draw from. A well of good experiences which reinforce their positive qualities. What some term deposits in your emotional bank.

Recollection provides mental roadblocks that prevent her from throwing in the towel. She processes the emotion but doesn't allow it to carry her beyond the relationship. Maintaining the connection is her aim in spite of the pain. It's a great tool to have in your arsenal.

~bella

 

[JesseFrank]

You're playing to your fear. Your partner should help you grow and transcend your shortcomings. Not reinforce them. Someone more secure would offset the weakness and strengthen you in that area.



Can you articulate what that means? Your perspective of high class may differ from the readers. We want to be on the same page.

Paint me a picture. What is she like?

What woman is going to go out with a guy that's very insecure?

Alright, here is my ideal woman: Easy going, kind, Godly, forgiving, quirky. Someone who can be ready to take a vacation in a moments notice. Concerned about her health and well being. Preferable I would like for her to be talkative and engaging. If she has a problem with me, I would like to be informed about it, and seek to make changes.

I don't have high physical standards. As long as they're not overweight I'm good.

 

[ReesePiece23]

You my friend are speaking my language

Different strokes for different folks and all, but *I* like to wonder about her almost as much as I like to create the mystique myself.

When you see a street performer eating glass, levitating off the floor, and juggling flaming clubs, you're utterly mesmerised. But when they reveal their secrets to you - especially when it's right off the bat, you're like, ah... 'kay. Whatever then.

 

[bèlla]

What woman is going to go out with a guy that's very insecure?

Everyone has unappealing aspects. Insecurity is one of many a person can struggle with. You look at the whole. Not the part. Who is the person overall? Do they tick your boxes? Does he bring the things you desire and others you never considered or asked for? Is the shortcoming permanent or something you can help with?

I believe in forming alliances where friends and companions offset my weaknesses and enhance my strengths. I'm looking to be an asset and make a difference. Insecurity isn't a deal breaker if he has the rest. There's gonna be a problem. You choose the flaw you can live with.

I'll take an insecure man over a liar any day.

Alright, here is my ideal woman: Easy going, kind, Godly, forgiving, quirky. Someone who can be ready to take a vacation in a moments notice. Concerned about her health and well being. Preferable I would like for her to be talkative and engaging. If she has a problem with me, I would like to be informed about it, and seek to make changes.

I don't have high physical standards. As long as they're not overweight I'm good.

That's doable. If you want someone who can travel at will you're looking at two demographics. A self-employed woman who works from home or the one you keep. If you want her to contribute to the household the most obvious choice is a digital entrepreneur.

I know that one really well.

 

[DragonFox91]

Different strokes for different folks and all, but *I* like to wonder about her almost as much as I like to create the mystique myself.

When you see a street performer eating glass, levitating off the floor, and juggling flaming clubs, you're utterly mesmerised. But when they reveal their secrets to you - especially when it's right off the bat, you're like, ah... 'kay. Whatever then.

You might think that. Another man might not. Guess who she's hearing from?

 

[JesseFrank]

If you want her to contribute to the household the most obvious choice is a digital entrepreneur.

I know that one really well.

I want her to do whatever her heart desires. I work from home, so if she wants to stay home by all means. If she wants to work that's fine as well.

As far as digital entrepreneurs go, how should I go about meeting these women?

 

[ReesePiece23]

You might think that. Another man might not. Guess who she's hearing from?

A bunch of low value guys?

I'm not worried about them.

^ That's the attitude you must take throughout life; you can't be insecure about your position. Not ever. Because ultimately, good things come to those who are willing to put their balls on the line.

If you're meeting up with her, then you're meeting up with her. It's going to happen. So that's when you make your impression - on the day, with body language, engaging dialogue, good humour and confidence.

Don't sweat it between days. You let "another man" do that. By the time the date comes round it'll be a nice change for her to actually hear someone talk, as opposed to reading constant messages from chancers.

 

[bèlla]

I want her to do whatever her heart desires. I work from home, so if she wants to stay home by all means. If she wants to work that's fine as well.

As far as digital entrepreneurs go, how should I go about meeting these women?

You're talking to one. That's not a come on.

You should articulate a preference for marriage-minded women who desire to be stay-at-home mothers. That's the bigger goal. You need a certain disposition to be home full-time and thrive without complaint. Painting a picture is best. What does marriage to you entail? Show her.

Your profile should be concise and to the point. Speak her language. Show your romantic side and communicate vibrancy in your description. There's a stigma about staying home. So counter it. Mention travel and the adventures you'll have. That will resonate with the right type.

I didn't mention self-employment for a reason. The person willing to remain home with a child will have the discipline to run a business while doing so. Both require personal sacrifice.