I think a lady can make sure with God, about who she marries. So, in case a woman just goes her own way to decide she marries a wrong guy . . . this is not wonderful. If a woman is very charming and nice acting, but she fools herself into marrying a truly wrong guy . . . this is not wonderful. And it is possible she is also fooling herself in other ways, hurting herself and not really relating in the way which would be good for her. It is wise to make sure with God about if we marry someone. Because we have the ability to fool ourselves; and it is good to get wise to our ways of fooling our own selves > only with God it is possible to see and get rid of any foolish ways which can take us the wrong way.
But . . . it is possible that you can find a guy to be . . . not right . . . but they can have deep connection and understanding in God's way of loving. Of course, you can be right
In my case . . . in case God has blessed me with my lady companion > she can be miraculously opposite to me > doesn't like what I eat, on we could go. But she is my example of how to love and care kindly and tenderly so I am not conceited and critical like I can be. This outweighs how much we want the same things or not. And at times she may criticize herself about what society would criticize, but I stand up for her . . . to her face . . . and point out how she has helped me find out how to love the way Jesus wants. And she at times stands up to me when I really am wrong, and does not get into an argument. She can stay out of letting me control her, plus give arguing the slip
So, possibly . . . see if someone is helping you to get more with God and helping you get real correction so you find out better how to love. And see if you are good for the person, like this.
And maybe consider > you can find this out in real life . . . which might not be while dating which can be contrived and preplanned and canned.
I trusted God that I would share with someone in her real life. Here is where there can be loving: cleaning up the dog poop, repainting the scraped car after a bumper rubber, throwing out the food that has gotten too old. And feed on prayer and God's word together so this feeds you for the practical and needed things to do.
This is God's word >
"Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them." (Colossians 3:19)
To me, Jesse, this means there is never any excuse for me to get bitter against my wife. This is a basic rule for God's way of loving. So, if-when anything in me even starts to turn me bitter, this is all I need to know > do not trust or go along with that feeling or thinking or way of reacting, but first pray and get into God's peace and enjoy how He makes me creative with her.
Instead of criticizing her, encourage her with the good God is able to do with us.
So . . . if this is how God will expect you to relate in marriage, now you can get ready to relate like this. With women you now know, you can learn how to refuse to give in to bitterness, and how to be creative, instead. But, of course, ones now might not be able to relate well with you while you obey God; but still keep being kind, not getting bitter. And this can strengthen you for a real lady in a much more involved relationship > where there can be many more items and details coming to tempt you to get bitter, but you are learning to submit to our Father so He creatively guides you what to do, how to keep loving.
On a date, some one thing might come up to trip you into bitterness; but in marriage various items might be biting, all at once. So, we need to become able to stay calm and creative and not let things have power over us to get us bitter > "I will not be brought under the power of any," our Apostle Paul says in 1 Corinthians 6:12.
Possibly, this could mean you are going mainly by how things look, and by talk.
You might take time to get to know someone so you know why she has a problem, and why she does whatever. And do this without isolating in dating, but share with ones you know are for real Christians. See which ladies do well with your for-real people.
But have compassion for ones who are not with it. Jesus has us loving and caring for any and all people . . . not only trying to pick and choose who we can use and try to control for what we want.
I agree we need to take care of ourselves, and have self-control of the Holy Spirit so we eat right and have control of sexual things. But if I do not have self-control for food and pleasure items, I likely also do not have self-control to stay out of arguing and getting hurt. So, I think you can expect a Christian person to grow in the self-control of the Holy Spirit, and this will effect if the person can manage well how he or she eats, stay out of arguing, and manage oneself to not get emotionally wasted in work and in handling problems. All this comes in the self-control of the Holy Spirit in God's peace. So, don't only be critical of yourself and others, but be encouraged to seek real correction of our character, with God, and encourage others, having compassion and hope for anyone.
If it is a fact that you are still having difficulty with bitterness, this is a weight issue, too . . . of the weight of sin. So, from our own failure we can feel for others in their sin problems >
"He can have compassion on those who are ignorant and going astray, since he himself is also subject to weakness." (Hebrews 5:2)
And can you trust her about anything? I keep being concerned and puzzled to see and read and hear how certain people are married or close, but one does not dare talk with the other about a very important thing. One is afraid the other won't want him or her, won't love him or her, if they talk about something that is important. This means the person is with someone the person doesn't really trust. I personally, now, see that I would not even think of dating a woman I do not know well enough to trust her.
And see if she trusts me; if she doesn't, don't push her. I now find that part of loving is I do not demand and expect that someone trusts me. I do not intimidate them to trust me; but it seems there are ones with some sort of an entitlement attitude, so they expect me to trust them, without question, even, maybe.
But God's word says >
"Test all things; hold fast what is good." (1 Thessalonians 5:21)
Our Father expects us to test . . . not to blindly trust. Therefore, in real loving, I think it is good to welcome each other to question and test each other. But we need to be honest in how we do this.
I appreciate the encouragement
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