Type B Man Dating a Type A Woman

[Kevin-D.77]

Good evening brothers and sisters in Christ. Reaching out just to hear others' input:

I definitely have a Type B personality (flexible, low-stress levels, relaxed attitude, even-tempered, laid-back, tendency to procrastinate, patient) and I have always been attracted to women who exhibit Type A personalities (very driven, competitive, anxious, work-oriented, easily flustered). I have always seen it as God leading me to a partner who will complement me in the areas I am lacking. But there are times whereas a man, it is hard to take the lead of someone who does not want to give up control. Are there any tips to help ease your Type A woman's mind and let them feel more comfortable with you leading? Would love to hear perspectives from both sides. Thank you in advance!

 

[Caliban]

Good evening brothers and sisters in Christ. Reaching out just to hear others' input:

I definitely have a Type B personality (flexible, low-stress levels, relaxed attitude, even-tempered, laid-back, tendency to procrastinate, patient) and I have always been attracted to women who exhibit Type A personalities (very driven, competitive, anxious, work-oriented, easily flustered). I have always seen it as God leading me to a partner who will complement me in the areas I am lacking. But there are times whereas a man, it is hard to take the lead of someone who does not want to give up control. Are there any tips to help ease your Type A woman's mind and let them feel more comfortable with you leading? Would love to hear perspectives from both sides. Thank you in advance!

Maybe you will be a more successful husband than most men. A man who is thoughtful and slow to to make snap judgements is more likely to be supportive of marriage as a true partnership. I wouldn't see your personality as a problem.

 

[Olmhinlu]

I thought "Type A" and "Type B" were made up (in paid-for research) by smoking companies to explain away the effects of smoking (by suggesting that there was a certain type of person, "Type A", who was both more likely to smoke, and independently, more likely to suffer certain health issues)...

 

[Kevin-D.77]

@Caliban Thank you! I have definitely learned that being slow in speech and actions is key. I see my personality as a positive trait as well, but because of how I am my partner can sometimes see me as being passive and not caring. Which is not the case.

 

[Kevin-D.77]

@Olmhinlu could be. I am definitely not an expert on the topic.

 

[public hermit]

Are there any tips to help ease your Type A woman's mind and let them feel more comfortable with you leading?

From your status, it looks like you're in a relationship. I would say, just be yourself. In time, it will show that you are steady and ready, while she's anxious and easily flustered. Someone who shows persistent calm, remains unperturbed over long stretches of time, can be seen as strong and dependable. Leaders are made of that kind of thing. You probably chose your words carefully. People who don't always say the first thing that occurs to them are often heard when they finally speak. Obviously, I couldn't know all the particulars of your situation, but it sounds like you can keep on being you. And, you know, be sweet to your lady friend.

 

[Kevin-D.77]

From your status, it looks like you're in a relationship. I would say, just be yourself. In time, it will show that you are steady and ready, while she's anxious and easily flustered. Someone who shows persistent calm, remains unperturbed over long stretches of time, can be seen as strong and dependable. Leaders are made of that kind of thing. You probably chose your words carefully. People who don't always say the first thing that occurs to them are often heard when they finally speak. Obviously, I couldn't know all the particulars of your situation, but it sounds like you can keep on being you. And, you know, be sweet to your lady friend.

You're right! Just have to trust in God's timing.

 

[public hermit]

You're right! Just have to trust in God's timing.

I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm "right." It's just a suggestion. I've been wrong twice before. Seriously, you'll be fine.

 

[Aussie Pete]

Good evening brothers and sisters in Christ. Reaching out just to hear others' input:

I definitely have a Type B personality (flexible, low-stress levels, relaxed attitude, even-tempered, laid-back, tendency to procrastinate, patient) and I have always been attracted to women who exhibit Type A personalities (very driven, competitive, anxious, work-oriented, easily flustered). I have always seen it as God leading me to a partner who will complement me in the areas I am lacking. But there are times whereas a man, it is hard to take the lead of someone who does not want to give up control. Are there any tips to help ease your Type A woman's mind and let them feel more comfortable with you leading? Would love to hear perspectives from both sides. Thank you in advance!

I'd suggest encouraging a potential lady friend to listen to Joyce Meyer. She's a typical Type A (Choleric) who has been transformed by God. She's learned to quit trying to control everything, she's adapted to other temperaments, she is submissive to her husband and she is a genuinely spiritual woman. I don't know of a better role model for any woman, let alone the Choleric temperament.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

Don't be unequally yoked to another.

 

[Caliban]

@Caliban Thank you! I have definitely learned that being slow in speech and actions is key. I see my personality as a positive trait as well, but because of how I am my partner can sometimes see me as being passive and not caring. Which is not the case.

If you care, your partner will come to know that. It took a few years for my wife to understand that I have a weird sense of humor, that I am a verbal processor, and that I will follow through with only some of my ideas. Be you and be authentic; but be the best you. If you can inspire loyalty and trust, you will have a great life and marriage. The fact that you are asking for advice from people demonstrates your desire to be a good person. Sounds like you are doing well.

 

[Kevin-D.77]

If you care, your partner will come to know that. It took a few years for my wife to understand that I have a weird sense of humor, that I am a verbal processor, and that I will follow through with only some of my ideas. Be you and be authentic; but be the best you. If you can inspire loyalty and trust, you will have a great life and marriage. The fact that you are asking for advice from people demonstrates your desire to be a good person. Sounds like you are doing well.

Thank you, brother, I truly appreciate your advice.

 

[Kevin-D.77]

Don't be unequally yoked to another.

What does that mean for you? I know that there is (unfortunately) not a common understanding of what that phrase means.

 

[Kevin-D.77]

I'd suggest encouraging a potential lady friend to listen to Joyce Meyer. She's a typical Type A (Choleric) who has been transformed by God. She's learned to quit trying to control everything, she's adapted to other temperaments, she is submissive to her husband and she is a genuinely spiritual woman. I don't know of a better role model for any woman, let alone the Choleric temperament.

Ha! That sounds like her. I'll give this a shot. Thank you for your input.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

What does that mean for you? I know that there is (unfortunately) not a common understanding of what that phrase means.

I'm a conservative man who married a liberal woman. It only lasted for four years. This is pretty common.

 

[Lost4words]

I like my b.i.t.c.h to be submissive to me! To roll when i roll. To fetch when i tell her too. But most of all, stay AWAY from MY bowl!

 

[Aussie Pete]

Ha! That sounds like her. I'll give this a shot. Thank you for your input.

Welcome

 

[Sketcher]

Good evening brothers and sisters in Christ. Reaching out just to hear others' input:

I definitely have a Type B personality (flexible, low-stress levels, relaxed attitude, even-tempered, laid-back, tendency to procrastinate, patient) and I have always been attracted to women who exhibit Type A personalities (very driven, competitive, anxious, work-oriented, easily flustered). I have always seen it as God leading me to a partner who will complement me in the areas I am lacking. But there are times whereas a man, it is hard to take the lead of someone who does not want to give up control. Are there any tips to help ease your Type A woman's mind and let them feel more comfortable with you leading? Would love to hear perspectives from both sides. Thank you in advance!

I'm not an authority on relationships, but I do appreciate the Jocko Podcast. Jocko talks about leadership and applying those principles universally, and they are principles that really appear to put strength in reach for type B personalities. Paradoxically, he has to be one of the most intense men alive on the planet right now, but he talks about demonstrating strength and leadership in easygoing ways that you do not need to be a type A to implement.

 

[Kevin-D.77]

I'm not an authority on relationships, but I do appreciate the Jocko Podcast. Jocko talks about leadership and applying those principles universally, and they are principles that really appear to put strength in reach for type B personalities. Paradoxically, he has to be one of the most intense men alive on the planet right now, but he talks about demonstrating strength and leadership in easygoing ways that you do not need to be a type A to implement.

Perfect! I'm always up for a good podcast so thank you for pointing me his way!

 

[bèlla]

I would encourage you to move away from the labels and focus on the nuances of your personalities. Learn how to play to your strengths and offset each other’s weaknesses. No one can answer this for you because few are textbook examples of the types.

But since I fall within the first I’ll provide some insight nonetheless. According to your example, Type A personalities are:

• Very driven, Competitive, and Work-Oriented: True. Every personality test I’ve taken says the same. You may want to do take them together along with the 5 love languages for greater insight. The book would be good to read together.

For the record, I’m an ENTJ-A Commander (Myers-Briggs), Enneagram 3 Achiever; Enneagram TriType Mover & Shaker (more thorough review); DISC DI (over 85% of the result) and Fascination Advantage Power/Maestro.

When you compare the results of different tests a clearer picture emerges. You’ll see a running theme.

• Anxious and Easily Flustered: False. I’m not anxious and never suffered from anxiety-driven maladies. Nor am I easily flustered. I thrive in high pressure situations and sink or swim environments. I’m extremely adaptable with strong problem-solving skills. I’m not undone by chaos or the unexpected.

But my lifestyle is laid back and comfortable. The pace isn’t hectic or frantic. Peace and ease are mainstays. I’m not a workaholic. That flies in the face of Type-A depictions.

In respect to control, if I question his leadership and vision I won’t follow him. He needs to be strong in both because I excel in each. Finishing is equally important as starting. Someone who drops the ball, quits or has trouble finishing what he starts would be a poor fit.

The most convincing thing you can do is undertake a project and share your progress from start to finish. Let her see you in positions of leadership with others (work, church, volunteering).

If she sees you show up elsewhere she’s less likely to worry you’ll fail her later on. For someone like myself, words are nice. But the proof is in the pudding. Sound leadership requires feedback with constructive criticism. That is best obtained outside the relationship.

~Bella