Type B Man Dating a Type A Woman

[NerdGirl]

To be honest, I don't see anything "lacking" in your personality. People are simply different. I don't think that dominant personalities necessarily "complement" passive personalities, either, or vice versa. As someone else said, I would focus less on the labels and trendy buzzwords, and more on what works for you and your partner. Are you happy together? Do you work well together? The fact that you're here, asking how to take the lead of a woman who doesn't WANT to give up control, makes me think there may be some friction going on.

Think about this: If two horses are pulling a wagon, do you want one that pulls harder and faster than the other? Do you want one horse "making up the lack" of the other? No. If that happens, you'll have an uneven, bumpy ride, and two very flustered, frustrated horses. You want two horses with a similar style, similar strength, similar personalities. There's some truth to the notion that opposites attract, but opposites don't often work well over the course of a lifetime.

I'm a laid back, introverted woman. The thought of being with a high-energy, dominating man sounds like an absolute nightmare to me. I need someone who understands me, and can work well with me through life. Again, what excites us in the dating world, doesn't always translate well into a marriage, parenting, running a home, and going through all the ups and downs of life together.

To answer your original question, I cannot think of a way to make a Type A woman comfortable with a Type B man taking control. By default, she wants to be in the lead. It sounds like a recipe for a lot of conflict to me. But maybe with a lot of really good, open communication and understanding, it can work.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

Think about this: If two horses are pulling a wagon, do you want one that pulls harder and faster than the other? Do you want one horse "making up the lack" of the other? No. If that happens, you'll have an uneven, bumpy ride, and two very flustered, frustrated horses. You want two horses with a similar style, similar strength, similar personalities.

The biblical example is an ox and an ass.

 

[Kevin-D.77]

I would encourage you to move away from the labels and focus on the nuances of your personalities. Learn how to play to your strengths and offset each other’s weaknesses. No one can answer this for you because few are textbook examples of the types.

But since I fall within the first I’ll provide some insight nonetheless. According to your example, Type A personalities are:

• Very driven, Competitive, and Work-Oriented: True. Every personality test I’ve taken says the same. You may want to do take them together along with the 5 love languages for greater insight. The book would be good to read together.

For the record, I’m an ENTJ-A Commander (Myers-Briggs), Enneagram 3 Achiever; Enneagram TriType Mover & Shaker (more thorough review); DISC DI (over 85% of the result) and Fascination Advantage Power/Maestro.

When you compare the results of different tests a clearer picture emerges. You’ll see a running theme.

• Anxious and Easily Flustered: False. I’m not anxious and never suffered from anxiety-driven maladies. Nor am I easily flustered. I thrive in high pressure situations and sink or swim environments. I’m extremely adaptable with strong problem-solving skills. I’m not undone by chaos or the unexpected.

But my lifestyle is laid back and comfortable. The pace isn’t hectic or frantic. Peace and ease are mainstays. I’m not a workaholic. That flies in the face of Type-A depictions.

In respect to control, if I question his leadership and vision I won’t follow him. He needs to be strong in both because I excel in each. Finishing is equally important as starting. Someone who drops the ball, quits or has trouble finishing what he starts would be a poor fit.

The most convincing thing you can do is undertake a project and share your progress from start to finish. Let her see you in positions of leadership with others (work, church, volunteering).

If she sees you show up elsewhere she’s less likely to worry you’ll fail her later on. For someone like myself, words are nice. But the proof is in the pudding. Sound leadership requires feedback with constructive criticism. That is best obtained outside the relationship.

~Bella

You are absolutely right! I have been able to demonstrate my leadership in other areas since posting this thread and she has been able to feel much more relaxed and understand that my version of leadership looks different than what she was expecting. She assumed that leading meant leading with absolute authority but I lead with love. Me not raising my voice at her does not mean that I am soft. But pretty much everything in here helped out a lot so thank you again for providing your perspective!

 

[Kevin-D.77]

To be honest, I don't see anything "lacking" in your personality. People are simply different. I don't think that dominant personalities necessarily "complement" passive personalities, either, or vice versa. As someone else said, I would focus less on the labels and trendy buzzwords, and more on what works for you and your partner. Are you happy together? Do you work well together? The fact that you're here, asking how to take the lead of a woman who doesn't WANT to give up control, makes me think there may be some friction going on.

Think about this: If two horses are pulling a wagon, do you want one that pulls harder and faster than the other? Do you want one horse "making up the lack" of the other? No. If that happens, you'll have an uneven, bumpy ride, and two very flustered, frustrated horses. You want two horses with a similar style, similar strength, similar personalities. There's some truth to the notion that opposites attract, but opposites don't often work well over the course of a lifetime.

I'm a laid back, introverted woman. The thought of being with a high-energy, dominating man sounds like an absolute nightmare to me. I need someone who understands me, and can work well with me through life. Again, what excites us in the dating world, doesn't always translate well into a marriage, parenting, running a home, and going through all the ups and downs of life together.

To answer your original question, I cannot think of a way to make a Type A woman comfortable with a Type B man taking control. By default, she wants to be in the lead. It sounds like a recipe for a lot of conflict to me. But maybe with a lot of really good, open communication and understanding, it can work.

Thank you for your feedback. There was some slight tension but it was coming from her perspective of what she thought a leader should look like. She was more envisioning your example of someone always dominating the conversation but that is not someone who i am or want to be. I never raise my voice and I'm also pretty light hearted as well so to her I came off as passive and weak. But after talking with me, she saw that I was firm in my beliefs and that I am trying to lead her through love rather than force. Ever since then she's more at ease and is comfortable letting me lead.

 

[bèlla]

You are absolutely right! I have been able to demonstrate my leadership in other areas since posting this thread and she has been able to feel much more relaxed and understand that my version of leadership looks different than what she was expecting. She assumed that leading meant leading with absolute authority but I lead with love. Me not raising my voice at her does not mean that I am soft. But pretty much everything in here helped out a lot so thank you again for providing your perspective!

Thank you for the compliment and update. I’m glad to hear she’s embracing your leadership style and your confidence is bolstered by the change. Good luck!

~Bella

 

[NerdGirl]

Thank you for your feedback. There was some slight tension but it was coming from her perspective of what she thought a leader should look like. She was more envisioning your example of someone always dominating the conversation but that is not someone who i am or want to be. I never raise my voice and I'm also pretty light hearted as well so to her I came off as passive and weak. But after talking with me, she saw that I was firm in my beliefs and that I am trying to lead her through love rather than force. Ever since then she's more at ease and is comfortable letting me lead.

That sounds promising. I hope you two can continue to grow closer and move forward as a team Keep that communication open!

 

[HarrisJoel]

This situation is rather interesting in my opinion. Many of my friends have not found their soul mate yet. We discuss possible options when we meet together and I tend to believe that the fact that you divide people into certain types breaks the very essence of relationships. People should choose with their hearts and not with their minds. Then this choice becomes easy and natural. Just be yourself. Do not analyze but feel. You don't have to pretend to be who you don't want to be and only in such a case life will give you what you ask for. Here's a good example. My colleague prefers to chat older men. I've always been a little surprised by this since most of the people my age choose their peers to communicate with. However, all my questions disappeared when I saw that man who later became her husband. They were such a harmonious couple that I even envied them a bit Such things can happen only if you follow your intuition and listen to your heart.