Trying to understand the heart of a wife...

[therebelprophet]

What is in the heart of a wife? How does she feel about her husband? What is he to her? What place does he have in her life? What is she, in her own mind, to him? I'm trying to get as comprehensive a look as I can at the heart of a wife not only for her husband, but also in relation to her husband. Any help you can give would be appreciated. Thanks!

 

[Elijah2]

Just by punching into Google with Christian wife requirements, or desires, or role; and then try Husband. I am sure if you read them all you will likely find were you are both going wrong.

My comments to your original thread still stands.

Christian Marriage Questions - 7 Questions Every Husband Should Ask His Wife

Blogging Points: How To Be A Good Christian Wife

THE CHRISTIAN WIFE

The Role of the Wife in the Marriage

What are the roles of the husband and wife in a family?

Session 3: Practices of a Christian wife

Blessings!

 

[synger]

When my husband and I were engaged, we worked through a workbook called "Before I say 'I Do'". It was extremely useful to us, to get us talking about what we both expected from marriage. Many things were things we'd never even considered, like how differently we were raised, and how we would raise children in a Godly household.

If nothing else, it got us thinking and talking about our pending life together.

 

[enoch son]

This sould be rename, " Any man want to go NUTS!"

 

[Tamara224]

I suggest you obtain and read this book:

For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women

 

[jeolmstead]

What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew about Women - By: Dr. James ...
Christianbook.com (CBD): What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew about Women by Dr. ... about The Language of Love: How to Be Instantly Understood by Those You ...
www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product?item_no=2378960 - 101k

 

[SharonL]

You can throw away any book you have on what to expect from a wife and what to expect from a husband - NEITHER WILL EVER LIVE UP TO IT.

If you are a loving couple with each others interest at heart and God in control of your home - there will not be that many problems.

When there are problems - choose your fights - everything doesn't have to result in an arguement or disagreement.

When I first got married my husband is a clutter (was and is) - I had to choose to cause an arguement or spend 5 min. picking it up and going about my business. Choose your fights.

Respect each other in everything - put your mate first and they in turn will put you first - thus respecting each other.

Put God first in your lives with each other and your children - be good role models. There isn't a book written that will teach you about life because no two people are the same. I've been married 50 years and it has been a hectic 50 years and a wonderful 50 years - raised 4 children and taken care of both sets of parents (I'll take children any day)

 

[therebelprophet]

Just by punching into Google with Christian wife requirements, or desires, or role; and then try Husband. I am sure if you read them all you will likely find were you are both going wrong.

My comments to your original thread still stands.

Christian Marriage Questions - 7 Questions Every Husband Should Ask His Wife

Blogging Points: How To Be A Good Christian Wife

THE CHRISTIAN WIFE

The Role of the Wife in the Marriage

What are the roles of the husband and wife in a family?

Session 3: Practices of a Christian wife

Blessings!

I don't appreciate you dragging over that mess from the first thread that I tried to start. That's why I started a new thread! Forget about the other thread. This is a new thread. Focus on the topic at hand. Thank you.

 

[therebelprophet]

You can throw away any book you have on what to expect from a wife and what to expect from a husband - NEITHER WILL EVER LIVE UP TO IT.

If you are a loving couple with each others interest at heart and God in control of your home - there will not be that many problems.

When there are problems - choose your fights - everything doesn't have to result in an arguement or disagreement.

When I first got married my husband is a clutter (was and is) - I had to choose to cause an arguement or spend 5 min. picking it up and going about my business. Choose your fights.

Respect each other in everything - put your mate first and they in turn will put you first - thus respecting each other.

Put God first in your lives with each other and your children - be good role models. There isn't a book written that will teach you about life because no two people are the same. I've been married 50 years and it has been a hectic 50 years and a wonderful 50 years - raised 4 children and taken care of both sets of parents (I'll take children any day)

Thank you, Ms. Sharon. That's the kind of thing I'm looking for. More! Give me more!

 

[Josephus777]

When you get it figured out tell me on the down low. I'll figure out a way to market it and we can both get rich Amen?

 

[zaksmummy]

What is in the heart of a wife? How does she feel about her husband? What is he to her? What place does he have in her life? What is she, in her own mind, to him? I'm trying to get as comprehensive a look as I can at the heart of a wife not only for her husband, but also in relation to her husband. Any help you can give would be appreciated. Thanks!

Every women you ask these questions to will give you different answers, so Im not sure you will get a consensus, and dont forget that not all marriages are good or happy ones, which means that many women would provide disparaging answers to your questions.

But for myself.

My heart is for my husband and child, but this is probably because his heart is towards me. My MIL says that a womens attitude towards her husband is directly related to his attitude towards her - if he loves her, she will return the love, but if he is indifferent, she will become resentful.

Im not sure if you want any scriptures, but the one I always remember is in Genesis when God says that he will make Adam "a helper comparable to him" (NKJV). God didnt want "the helper" to be a slave to Adam, or a the master of Adam, but equal, sharing everything with Adam.

I was brought up a christian, and have heard many times from church leaders about wives "submit to your husband" ie do as you are told. But as far as I can see this is not what God intended in relationships. If fact this attitude has more to do with the Greek-Roman influence in christianity that it does with Gods ideal for marriage.

Paul, being Jewish would have had a different understanding as to the role of a wife. Although not scripture the Jewish writings of the Talmud give a broad understanding as far as women were concerned that Paul would have had, so if you dont mind Im going to quote a few snippets

"If your wife is short, bend down to listen to her" ie the man should not consider himself too superior to his wife to consult her.

"Honour your wife, for thereby you enrich yourself. A man should ever be careful about the honour due to his wife, because no blessing is experienced in his house except on her account"

I know that this may not be exactly what you were looking for in an answer, wanting things from a womens perspective, but as I have said, often it is the husbands attitude which is criticial to the relationship. My husband is a good and godly man, treats me with respect, even when I dont treat him in the same way, loves me even when Im angry and seeks always for my good. I have learnt this through 13 and half years of marriage that I can trust him with my life and that of my child, that he will lead me where I need to go, spiritually as well as physically even when I dont want to go, gently and with care, and now and again have strong words with me when I need to hear them. His attitude and care towards me directly related to how I feel about him.

 

[bliz]

What is in the heart of a wife?

Which wife? Wives are hardly cookie-cutter women who all look at marriage and husbands the same way.

You don't need to be concerned about what wives think. Knowing what one wife thinks is sufficent. The easiest way to learn tht is to ask.

 

[therebelprophet]

Every women you ask these questions to will give you different answers, so Im not sure you will get a consensus, and dont forget that not all marriages are good or happy ones, which means that many women would provide disparaging answers to your questions.

But for myself.

My heart is for my husband and child, but this is probably because his heart is towards me. My MIL says that a womens attitude towards her husband is directly related to his attitude towards her - if he loves her, she will return the love, but if he is indifferent, she will become resentful.

Im not sure if you want any scriptures, but the one I always remember is in Genesis when God says that he will make Adam "a helper comparable to him" (NKJV). God didnt want "the helper" to be a slave to Adam, or a the master of Adam, but equal, sharing everything with Adam.

I was brought up a christian, and have heard many times from church leaders about wives "submit to your husband" ie do as you are told. But as far as I can see this is not what God intended in relationships. If fact this attitude has more to do with the Greek-Roman influence in christianity that it does with Gods ideal for marriage.

Paul, being Jewish would have had a different understanding as to the role of a wife. Although not scripture the Jewish writings of the Talmud give a broad understanding as far as women were concerned that Paul would have had, so if you dont mind Im going to quote a few snippets

"If your wife is short, bend down to listen to her" ie the man should not consider himself too superior to his wife to consult her.

"Honour your wife, for thereby you enrich yourself. A man should ever be careful about the honour due to his wife, because no blessing is experienced in his house except on her account"

I know that this may not be exactly what you were looking for in an answer, wanting things from a womens perspective, but as I have said, often it is the husbands attitude which is criticial to the relationship. My husband is a good and godly man, treats me with respect, even when I dont treat him in the same way, loves me even when Im angry and seeks always for my good. I have learnt this through 13 and half years of marriage that I can trust him with my life and that of my child, that he will lead me where I need to go, spiritually as well as physically even when I dont want to go, gently and with care, and now and again have strong words with me when I need to hear them. His attitude and care towards me directly related to how I feel about him.

I like this answer. It makes me feel good. I can see by your response that I'm a lot closer to being what a husband should be than I had previously realized. I tried to provide a backdrop for these questions in a previous, similarly titled thread...but everyone focused on the backdrop and not the questions. So I deleted the OP, asked a Mod to close the thread, and started this one! But even now I'm afraid I cannot get what I'm really looking for without giving at least a little background information.

I have a girl in my life who insists that we're "just friends" but whom God has told me is my wife. We've been in each other's lives (and out of each other's lives) for over six years now. She says that we're only friends, but acts like she's my girlfriend sometimes. But when I ask her about the disparity between the two, she gets defensive and insists that we're friends in her mind and nothing more. This, as I'm sure you can understand, is very confusing...to BOTH of us. So I finally suggested to her what God had already told me over two years ago, namely, that maybe she can't see me as her boyfriend because I'm already more than that to her. I told her that maybe, just maybe, the reason she can't see "being with" me is because she's thinking in terms of "dating" and not marriage. And all of those maybes ended up with me telling her that it could just be that the reason for the disparity is because she actually has the feelings of a wife and not a girlfriend or friend.

I know that sounds crazy...but in a strange kind of way...to me...it makes a LOT of sense. Oswald Chambers wrote something about not letting an emotion have free course to be expressed at the proper level. He said "The higher the emotion is, the deeper the degradation will be, if it is not worked out on its proper level." So if she really DOES have the "heart of a wife" towards me, but is trying to just be a "friend"...it will absolutely poison her soul...and mine.

Here is the entire passage from Oswald Chambers (emphasis mine):

Much of our distress as Christians comes not because of sin, but because we are ignorant of the laws of our own nature. For instance, the only test as to whether we ought to allow an emotion to have its way is to see what the outcome of the emotion will be. Push it to its logical conclusion, and if the outcome is something God would condemn, allow it no more way. But if it be an emotion kindled by the Spirit of God and you do not let that emotion have its right issue in your life, it will react on a lower level. That is the way sentimentalists are made. The higher the emotion is, the deeper the degradation will be, if it is not worked out on its proper level. If the Spirit of God has stirred you, make as many things inevitable as possible, let the consequences be what they will. We cannot stay on the mount of transfiguration, but we must obey the light we received there; we must act it out. When God gives a vision, transact business on that line, no matter what it costs.

Think about it...if God REALLY is the one who has made her my wife...then this definitely applies. If God has really been the one to put these feelings in her heart...then she has to own up to them or face the consequences. (I know someone's gonna holler about "Free Will"...God hardened Pharaoh's heart. PERIOD. I don't want ANY of you to breathe a WORD to me about "Free Will".)

Anyway, I have written quite a lengthy response. I hope this helps some of you see what I'm really asking here and why. Please don't try to pick apart my relationship with this girl. I've got my own circle of advisors that I go to. I'm not asking for advice...just trying to understand how a wife sees her husband so I can guage whether or not what I'm seeing with her is accurate or not. Thanks.

 

[Heavenly Realm]

My wife is easy going,but does have issues though.hahahah