- Feb 25, 2006
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I’ve been off this site a few months bc of different things.
But right now I’m struggling and looking for feedback/advice. I can no longer talk to my mom about this bc she just doesn’t understand.. though I don’t expect anyone to truly understand. I’ve shared parts of this in the past and wasn’t met with good feedback since people always tell me I can’t rely on feelings. Can’t tell that to someone who IS feeling something 24/7 and where they Are hearing from God!!
I’ve gone thru a wild Christian journey for the past 18 yrs where every second of everyday I was feeling something. I often prayed for 2-3 hrs a day and it felt good. For the first 8 yrs, I had a mixture of continued nervousness but also felt peace which sometimes lasted 2 weeks. I can’t remember what I felt btwn 2009-2016 but it was always something. All throughout, God had answered my prayers audibly or internally and I saw the results before my eyes and it coincided with what God told me. Starting in 2014, I had a trial period for 1 week which made staying faithful extremely difficult. Made it thru that test and God replaced the negative with something positive. Again it happened in 2016. A week of negative trials. I passed that and received this peace/uplifting feeling. That feeling stayed with me 24/7 for basically 4 yrs. Fast forward to 5 1/2 months ago, I started going thru another trial. Lasted 2 weeks this time. It was replaced with another positive thing but it was a much lighter feeling then what I did have prior. This only lasted 3 weeks til I then went thru another trial which the bad part lasted 2 1/2 weeks. Then it leveled off and I began to experience some ‘changes’ again. Those daily ‘changes’ lasted about a month before they stopped and for the last 2 months, I’ve felt absolutely nothing. For the first time in 18 yrs, I don’t feel anything.
I personally cannot deal with this fast transition. Struggling to no end. I am so confused. I do not understand how to do this/how to stay faithful when I don’t feel anything. All I’ve known for my entire Christian journey was all these different feelings and hearing from God. This total nothingness has thrown me for a loop. Living my days and not knowing what to do. It’s been probably 5 days since I’ve prayed.. like truly prayed. I don’t hear from God. I don’t see anything happening. I’m living my life just fine right now from not praying.
Does anyone understand how difficult this is for me??
My mind is scrambling bc of the total confusion.
But right now I’m struggling and looking for feedback/advice. I can no longer talk to my mom about this bc she just doesn’t understand.. though I don’t expect anyone to truly understand. I’ve shared parts of this in the past and wasn’t met with good feedback since people always tell me I can’t rely on feelings. Can’t tell that to someone who IS feeling something 24/7 and where they Are hearing from God!!
I’ve gone thru a wild Christian journey for the past 18 yrs where every second of everyday I was feeling something. I often prayed for 2-3 hrs a day and it felt good. For the first 8 yrs, I had a mixture of continued nervousness but also felt peace which sometimes lasted 2 weeks. I can’t remember what I felt btwn 2009-2016 but it was always something. All throughout, God had answered my prayers audibly or internally and I saw the results before my eyes and it coincided with what God told me. Starting in 2014, I had a trial period for 1 week which made staying faithful extremely difficult. Made it thru that test and God replaced the negative with something positive. Again it happened in 2016. A week of negative trials. I passed that and received this peace/uplifting feeling. That feeling stayed with me 24/7 for basically 4 yrs. Fast forward to 5 1/2 months ago, I started going thru another trial. Lasted 2 weeks this time. It was replaced with another positive thing but it was a much lighter feeling then what I did have prior. This only lasted 3 weeks til I then went thru another trial which the bad part lasted 2 1/2 weeks. Then it leveled off and I began to experience some ‘changes’ again. Those daily ‘changes’ lasted about a month before they stopped and for the last 2 months, I’ve felt absolutely nothing. For the first time in 18 yrs, I don’t feel anything.
I personally cannot deal with this fast transition. Struggling to no end. I am so confused. I do not understand how to do this/how to stay faithful when I don’t feel anything. All I’ve known for my entire Christian journey was all these different feelings and hearing from God. This total nothingness has thrown me for a loop. Living my days and not knowing what to do. It’s been probably 5 days since I’ve prayed.. like truly prayed. I don’t hear from God. I don’t see anything happening. I’m living my life just fine right now from not praying.
Does anyone understand how difficult this is for me??
My mind is scrambling bc of the total confusion.