Total Confusion — Sharing part of my Christian journey

sk8brdkd

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I’ve been off this site a few months bc of different things.

But right now I’m struggling and looking for feedback/advice. I can no longer talk to my mom about this bc she just doesn’t understand.. though I don’t expect anyone to truly understand. I’ve shared parts of this in the past and wasn’t met with good feedback since people always tell me I can’t rely on feelings. Can’t tell that to someone who IS feeling something 24/7 and where they Are hearing from God!!

I’ve gone thru a wild Christian journey for the past 18 yrs where every second of everyday I was feeling something. I often prayed for 2-3 hrs a day and it felt good. For the first 8 yrs, I had a mixture of continued nervousness but also felt peace which sometimes lasted 2 weeks. I can’t remember what I felt btwn 2009-2016 but it was always something. All throughout, God had answered my prayers audibly or internally and I saw the results before my eyes and it coincided with what God told me. Starting in 2014, I had a trial period for 1 week which made staying faithful extremely difficult. Made it thru that test and God replaced the negative with something positive. Again it happened in 2016. A week of negative trials. I passed that and received this peace/uplifting feeling. That feeling stayed with me 24/7 for basically 4 yrs. Fast forward to 5 1/2 months ago, I started going thru another trial. Lasted 2 weeks this time. It was replaced with another positive thing but it was a much lighter feeling then what I did have prior. This only lasted 3 weeks til I then went thru another trial which the bad part lasted 2 1/2 weeks. Then it leveled off and I began to experience some ‘changes’ again. Those daily ‘changes’ lasted about a month before they stopped and for the last 2 months, I’ve felt absolutely nothing. For the first time in 18 yrs, I don’t feel anything.

I personally cannot deal with this fast transition. Struggling to no end. I am so confused. I do not understand how to do this/how to stay faithful when I don’t feel anything. All I’ve known for my entire Christian journey was all these different feelings and hearing from God. This total nothingness has thrown me for a loop. Living my days and not knowing what to do. It’s been probably 5 days since I’ve prayed.. like truly prayed. I don’t hear from God. I don’t see anything happening. I’m living my life just fine right now from not praying.

Does anyone understand how difficult this is for me??

My mind is scrambling bc of the total confusion.
 
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brinny

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I’ve been off this site a few months bc of different things.

But right now I’m struggling and looking for feedback/advice. I can no longer talk to my mom about this bc she just doesn’t understand.. though I don’t expect anyone to truly understand. I’ve shared parts of this in the past and wasn’t met with good feedback since people always tell me I can’t rely on feelings. Can’t tell that to someone who IS feeling something 24/7 and where they Are hearing from God!!

I’ve gone thru a wild Christian journey for the past 18 yrs where every second of everyday I was feeling something. I often prayed for 2-3 hrs a day and it felt good. For the first 8 yrs, I had a mixture of continued nervousness but also felt peace which sometimes lasted 2 weeks. I can’t remember what I felt btwn 2009-2016 but it was always something. All throughout, God had answered my prayers audibly or internally and I saw the results before my eyes and it coincided with what God told me. Starting in 2014, I had a trial period for 1 week which made staying faithful extremely difficult. Made it thru that test and God replaced the negative with something positive. Again it happened in 2016. A week of negative trials. I passed that and received this peace/uplifting feeling. That feeling stayed with me 24/7 for basically 4 yrs. Fast forward to 5 1/2 months ago, I started going thru another trial. Lasted 2 weeks this time. It was replaced with another positive thing but it was a much lighter feeling then what I did have prior. This only lasted 3 weeks til I then went thru another trial which the bad part lasted 2 1/2 weeks. Then it leveled off and I began to experience some ‘changes’ again. Those daily ‘changes’ lasted about a month before they stopped and for the last 2 months, I’ve felt absolutely nothing. For the first time in 18 yrs, I don’t feel anything.

I personally cannot deal with this fast transition. Struggling to no end. I am so confused. I do not understand how to do this/how to stay faithful when I don’t feel anything. All I’ve known for my entire Christian journey was all these different feelings and hearing from God. This total nothingness has thrown me for a loop. Living my days and not knowing what to do. It’s been probably 5 days since I’ve prayed.. like truly prayed. I don’t hear from God. I don’t see anything happening. I’m living my life just fine right now from not praying.

Does anyone understand how difficult this is for me??

My mind is scrambling bc of the total confusion.
hearing from God!!
My mind is scrambling bc of the total confusion.
God "speaks" through His "Word".

God does not "speak" through "feelings", that take us on one roller-coaster ride after another.

God is not the Author of confusion.

"A double minded man is unstable in all his ways." ~Jam 1:8
 
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com7fy8

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For the first 8 yrs, I had a mixture of continued nervousness but also felt peace which sometimes lasted 2 weeks.
God's peace is not a feeling, though you will feel His peace. God's peace is almighty to keep us safe from nasty and negative stuff messing us with unforgiveness, frustration, boredom, loneliness, fears and anxiety and worry, and dominating and dictatorial lusts for selfish nonsense.

God's word is clear, how God's peace "will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus" > in Philippians 4:6-7. If God's peace is guarding your heart and mind from confusion and anxiety and hate and unforgiveness and lusts, you will feel this. But this is not only a feeling, but God Himself personally in us keeping us safe from wrong stuff.

Plus, God's peace rules us while keeping us safe. We all are "called in one body" to obey how our Heavenly Father personally rules each of us, in our "hearts" < this personally, indeed, right in our "hearts" >

"And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." (Colossians 3:15)

So, we trust You, LORD our Heavenly Father, to change us . . . correct us . . . tune us in Your love . . . so we are submissive to You, the way You desire for us to be submissive . . . not our own self-produced ways of making ourselves feel as though we are submissive to You. Only You, O God, are able to transform us to be submissive in Your peace. Amen, in the name of Jesus Your Son.
 
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Aussie Pete

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I’ve been off this site a few months bc of different things.

But right now I’m struggling and looking for feedback/advice. I can no longer talk to my mom about this bc she just doesn’t understand.. though I don’t expect anyone to truly understand. I’ve shared parts of this in the past and wasn’t met with good feedback since people always tell me I can’t rely on feelings. Can’t tell that to someone who IS feeling something 24/7 and where they Are hearing from God!!

I’ve gone thru a wild Christian journey for the past 18 yrs where every second of everyday I was feeling something. I often prayed for 2-3 hrs a day and it felt good. For the first 8 yrs, I had a mixture of continued nervousness but also felt peace which sometimes lasted 2 weeks. I can’t remember what I felt btwn 2009-2016 but it was always something. All throughout, God had answered my prayers audibly or internally and I saw the results before my eyes and it coincided with what God told me. Starting in 2014, I had a trial period for 1 week which made staying faithful extremely difficult. Made it thru that test and God replaced the negative with something positive. Again it happened in 2016. A week of negative trials. I passed that and received this peace/uplifting feeling. That feeling stayed with me 24/7 for basically 4 yrs. Fast forward to 5 1/2 months ago, I started going thru another trial. Lasted 2 weeks this time. It was replaced with another positive thing but it was a much lighter feeling then what I did have prior. This only lasted 3 weeks til I then went thru another trial which the bad part lasted 2 1/2 weeks. Then it leveled off and I began to experience some ‘changes’ again. Those daily ‘changes’ lasted about a month before they stopped and for the last 2 months, I’ve felt absolutely nothing. For the first time in 18 yrs, I don’t feel anything.

I personally cannot deal with this fast transition. Struggling to no end. I am so confused. I do not understand how to do this/how to stay faithful when I don’t feel anything. All I’ve known for my entire Christian journey was all these different feelings and hearing from God. This total nothingness has thrown me for a loop. Living my days and not knowing what to do. It’s been probably 5 days since I’ve prayed.. like truly prayed. I don’t hear from God. I don’t see anything happening. I’m living my life just fine right now from not praying.

Does anyone understand how difficult this is for me??

My mind is scrambling bc of the total confusion.
Ah. You are what is called growing up. God is not in your feelings. Your life will collapse if you do not maintain your Christian life. Not straight away, Satan is too smart for that.

God asks us to live by faith. Faith is proven when there is no external evidence to back it up. Hebrews warns us against drifting from faith. There are times when everything seems to argue against faith. That is the time to stand on the Word. God is always faithful. He is true. He is Love. All that is true whether you feel it or nor or even if you do not believe. Don't throw away your confidence. The "wilderness" is a horrible place.
 
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chevyontheriver

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I’ve been off this site a few months bc of different things.

But right now I’m struggling and looking for feedback/advice. I can no longer talk to my mom about this bc she just doesn’t understand.. though I don’t expect anyone to truly understand. I’ve shared parts of this in the past and wasn’t met with good feedback since people always tell me I can’t rely on feelings. Can’t tell that to someone who IS feeling something 24/7 and where they Are hearing from God!!

I’ve gone thru a wild Christian journey for the past 18 yrs where every second of everyday I was feeling something. I often prayed for 2-3 hrs a day and it felt good. For the first 8 yrs, I had a mixture of continued nervousness but also felt peace which sometimes lasted 2 weeks. I can’t remember what I felt btwn 2009-2016 but it was always something. All throughout, God had answered my prayers audibly or internally and I saw the results before my eyes and it coincided with what God told me. Starting in 2014, I had a trial period for 1 week which made staying faithful extremely difficult. Made it thru that test and God replaced the negative with something positive. Again it happened in 2016. A week of negative trials. I passed that and received this peace/uplifting feeling. That feeling stayed with me 24/7 for basically 4 yrs. Fast forward to 5 1/2 months ago, I started going thru another trial. Lasted 2 weeks this time. It was replaced with another positive thing but it was a much lighter feeling then what I did have prior. This only lasted 3 weeks til I then went thru another trial which the bad part lasted 2 1/2 weeks. Then it leveled off and I began to experience some ‘changes’ again. Those daily ‘changes’ lasted about a month before they stopped and for the last 2 months, I’ve felt absolutely nothing. For the first time in 18 yrs, I don’t feel anything.

I personally cannot deal with this fast transition. Struggling to no end. I am so confused. I do not understand how to do this/how to stay faithful when I don’t feel anything. All I’ve known for my entire Christian journey was all these different feelings and hearing from God. This total nothingness has thrown me for a loop. Living my days and not knowing what to do. It’s been probably 5 days since I’ve prayed.. like truly prayed. I don’t hear from God. I don’t see anything happening. I’m living my life just fine right now from not praying.

Does anyone understand how difficult this is for me??

My mind is scrambling bc of the total confusion.
There are periods of consolation and periods of dryness. Consider the life of Mother Teresa of Calcutta. She had enormous consolations for years. Then they dried up. But it was enough to carry her for many more years of dryness. She continued to pray, and quite powerfully, spread her sisters all over the world, guided countless people to holiness, all while feeling very little at all. Feeling absolutely nothing happens. Knowing Jesus isn't a feeling though, and her knowing Jesus powered her through her dryness, which ended up lasting the rest of her life. Her faith was not based on feelings.

Feelings are nice. Store up the memories of them. But not having them means nothing.
 
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sk8brdkd

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Ah. You are what is called growing up. God is not in your feelings. Your life will collapse if you do not maintain your Christian life. Not straight away, Satan is too smart for that.

God asks us to live by faith. Faith is proven when there is no external evidence to back it up. Hebrews warns us against drifting from faith. There are times when everything seems to argue against faith. That is the time to stand on the Word. God is always faithful. He is true. He is Love. All that is true whether you feel it or nor or even if you do not believe. Don't throw away your confidence. The "wilderness" is a horrible place.

Growing up eh? Why did God remove everything so rapidly though? I’m deeply struggling with it all. I’ve gone from constantly feeling something to absolutely nothing and I have no idea what to do.

This is Extremely difficult. The whole journey has been so difficult. I can’t say this is any harder then everything I went thru the first 18 yrs. it’s just this has thrown me for a total loop and I feel more confused then anything else these past couple months.

I haven’t watched any tv nor played my video games in the last 5 months bc for the life of me, I don’t know how to incorporate that with staying faithful. I stay as busy as possible during the day/night, to keep my mind on other things. I’m often thinking about this but am so torn about it, so confused with it but haven’t been doing much about it.

Even within those 18 yrs, I never really read the Bible, but did spend so much time in prayer and felt/heard God throughout the entire time. So, now, with all feelings gone, God Never gave me any type of explanation and just left me here to fend for myself. I’m feeling totally lost and alone in all this. Yes, I did pray about this a little while ago but my mind is in total confusion, trying to make sense of everything going on and I can’t make sense of this or anything else
 
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sk8brdkd

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God's peace is not a feeling, though you will feel His peace. God's peace is almighty to keep us safe from nasty and negative stuff messing us with unforgiveness, frustration, boredom, loneliness, fears and anxiety and worry, and dominating and dictatorial lusts for selfish nonsense.

God's word is clear, how God's peace "will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus" > in Philippians 4:6-7. If God's peace is guarding your heart and mind from confusion and anxiety and hate and unforgiveness and lusts, you will feel this. But this is not only a feeling, but God Himself personally in us keeping us safe from wrong stuff.

Plus, God's peace rules us while keeping us safe. We all are "called in one body" to obey how our Heavenly Father personally rules each of us, in our "hearts" < this personally, indeed, right in our "hearts" >

"And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." (Colossians 3:15)

So, we trust You, LORD our Heavenly Father, to change us . . . correct us . . . tune us in Your love . . . so we are submissive to You, the way You desire for us to be submissive . . . not our own self-produced ways of making ourselves feel as though we are submissive to You. Only You, O God, are able to transform us to be submissive in Your peace. Amen, in the name of Jesus Your Son.

“God's word is clear, how God's peace "will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus" > in Philippians 4:6-7. If God's peace is guarding your heart and mind from confusion and anxiety and hate and unforgiveness and lusts, you will feel this. But this is not only a feeling, but God Himself personally in us keeping us safe from wrong stuff.” <——

^
see this is confusing to me. Several months after all ‘this’ started going on 18 yrs ago, I started to get into sexual sin, deep into it and that lasted 6 yrs til I broke free from it. That was all the while when I was praying, etc. I never got any guilt feelings or anything or the Holy Spirit telling me it’s wrong or anything. And starting in 2016, I gave in to sexual sin when I was intimate with someone and kept that up for 3 yrs. All the while when I had that lifted feeling, I was having sex, etc. and the Holy Spirit didn’t protect me from those thoughts/desires. I had strong desires and always fed into those desires. And for the past 2 months where my mind has been all over the place with all this, I still get sexual desires and still give in every now and then.
 
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brinny

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“God's word is clear, how God's peace "will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus" > in Philippians 4:6-7. If God's peace is guarding your heart and mind from confusion and anxiety and hate and unforgiveness and lusts, you will feel this. But this is not only a feeling, but God Himself personally in us keeping us safe from wrong stuff.” <——

^
see this is confusing to me. Several months after all ‘this’ started going on 18 yrs ago, I started to get into sexual sin, deep into it and that lasted 6 yrs til I broke free from it. That was all the while when I was praying, etc. I never got any guilt feelings or anything or the Holy Spirit telling me it’s wrong or anything. And starting in 2016, I gave in to sexual sin when I was intimate with someone and kept that up for 3 yrs. All the while when I had that lifted feeling, I was having sex, etc. and the Holy Spirit didn’t protect me from those thoughts/desires. I had strong desires and always fed into those desires. And for the past 2 months where my mind has been all over the place with all this, I still get sexual desires and still give in every now and then.
I started to get into sexual sin, deep into it and that lasted 6 yrs til I broke free from it. That was all the while when I was praying, etc. I never got any guilt feelings or anything or the Holy Spirit telling me it’s wrong or anything
It is written in God's Word, and ALL THROUGH His Word that it is sin. It is also written that God's Holy Spirit "convicts" us of sin so that we will seek God's grace and mercy and "repent".

This is one of the reasons God admonishes us to read and to study and to "seek Him" in His Word:

"Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee." ~Ps 119:11
 
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sk8brdkd

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There are periods of consolation and periods of dryness. Consider the life of Mother Teresa of Calcutta. She had enormous consolations for years. Then they dried up. But it was enough to carry her for many more years of dryness. She continued to pray, and quite powerfully, spread her sisters all over the world, guided countless people to holiness, all while feeling very little at all. Feeling absolutely nothing happens. Knowing Jesus isn't a feeling though, and her knowing Jesus powered her through her dryness, which ended up lasting the rest of her life. Her faith was not based on feelings.

Feelings are nice. Store up the memories of them. But not having them means nothing.


Maybe she had more faith then others.

When I had spoken to my mom about all this, she said she’s always felt the same way, only once in awhile did she feel confused and like God wasn’t there. Is that the dryness you’re speaking of?

I don’t wish my journey on anyone. Going thru it, I felt like I was a very strong Christian bc I had so many tests/trials which I passed but now with this going on, my heart/faith seems Extremely weak bc I don’t get it.

I have stored up the memories of feelings but God switched this up on me so fast w/o showing/teaching me how to keep moving forward w/o feeling anything, that I’m just in a whirlwind right now. While I was experiencing those ‘changes’, I kept asking God to help show me/teach me how to do this and stay faithful. I prayed that over and over again to no avail. He never came thru to show/teach me anything but left me to fend for myself
 
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johnlxyz

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I’ve been off this site a few months bc of different things.

But right now I’m struggling and looking for feedback/advice. I can no longer talk to my mom about this bc she just doesn’t understand.. though I don’t expect anyone to truly understand. I’ve shared parts of this in the past and wasn’t met with good feedback since people always tell me I can’t rely on feelings. Can’t tell that to someone who IS feeling something 24/7 and where they Are hearing from God!!

<skip>

Does anyone understand how difficult this is for me??

My mind is scrambling bc of the total confusion.
------------------

I think feelings are important. I was just looking at the second commandment in Exodus 20:4 about not making graven images, which probably relates to idol worship.

Exodus 20:5,6 Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;
6) And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.
-------------------------

Even salvation should be received with joy, even though in the christian walk there can be times like walking “through the valley of the shadow of death” (psalm 23).

One of the things that helps me is to participate in competitive sports like racketball or tennis. I thank the Lord that he’s given me good health to still be physically active. But regardless of the situation,
time spent on earth is very temporary. The important thing is to keep faith in salvation through Christ Jesus. There will be joy in eternal heaven. One of your specific purposes on earth might have been somewhat prophetic in nature. Discernment is very important when it comes to prophecy.

Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
 
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chevyontheriver

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Maybe she had more faith then others.
She had a lot of faith. She would pray and miracles sometimes happened. And yet for the last half of her long life she had no consolations.
When I had spoken to my mom about all this, she said she’s always felt the same way, only once in awhile did she feel confused and like God wasn’t there. Is that the dryness you’re speaking of?
Sort of. Feeling like God isn't there. But knowing even so that God IS there, even without feeling it.
I don’t wish my journey on anyone. Going thru it, I felt like I was a very strong Christian bc I had so many tests/trials which I passed but now with this going on, my heart/faith seems Extremely weak bc I don’t get it.
Consolations are nice. But they are for the weak. You got them when you needed them most. But now you are stronger than you think. They may come again from time to time and they are a taste of heaven. But they are not to be expected.
I have stored up the memories of feelings but God switched this up on me so fast w/o showing/teaching me how to keep moving forward w/o feeling anything, that I’m just in a whirlwind right now. While I was experiencing those ‘changes’, I kept asking God to help show me/teach me how to do this and stay faithful. I prayed that over and over again to no avail. He never came thru to show/teach me anything but left me to fend for myself
Pray, and establish the disciplines of a disciple. Know who you believe in, and concentrate on the knowing rather than the feeling. Love is a decision and not a feeling. Love God. He already loves you with an infinite love and wants only the best for you.
 
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The Righterzpen

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I started to get into sexual sin, deep into it and that lasted 6 yrs til I broke free from it. That was all the while when I was praying, etc. I never got any guilt feelings or anything or the Holy Spirit telling me it’s wrong or anything. And starting in 2016, I gave in to sexual sin when I was intimate with someone and kept that up for 3 yrs. All the while when I had that lifted feeling, I was having sex, etc. and the Holy Spirit didn’t protect me from those thoughts/desires. I had strong desires and always fed into those desires. And for the past 2 months where my mind has been all over the place with all this, I still get sexual desires and still give in every now and then.

I don’t wish my journey on anyone. Going thru it, I felt like I was a very strong Christian bc I had so many tests/trials which I passed but now with this going on, my heart/faith seems Extremely weak bc I don’t get it.

So in the midst of all your continuous sin; you believed you were a very strong Christian (even though you were unrepentant) and the proof to you, was that you had these constant feelings of elation?

Well, I will be flat up honest with you - that was NOT the Holy Ghost!
What ever it was that was speaking audibly to you - was NOT God.

If you want to hear from God; you need to start reading the Bible.

Overcoming trials and being victorious in Christ is overcoming sin. It's continuing in faith even when you're in the ICU because a drunk driver hit you head on. It's saying "I will fear no evil. For You are my rock and my shield" even when the insurgents are chasing your squadron halfway across Baghdad and half your guys are dead. It's saying "Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven." even when you bury your kid!

If you don't know what to do because suddenly your not "happy" and "feeling peaceful"; how are you going to cope when .... poo like that happens in life?

I've been in those places described above. I've been in dark depressions. I'd spent 3 months in a hospital when I almost jumped off a bridge. I get that trials are hard.

Yet my experience with God; I would not describe as a feeling. I would describe it more as an awareness. It's an awareness that at times has brought me joy and comfort; but also terror and dread. When you standing on a battlefield and the God you'd face, should this enemy soldier kill you, is far scarier than the war; you know you've been confronted with a living Entity that is greater than anything in this life that you can even comprehend.

"It's a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God" Hebrews 10:31

If you're scared? Good! You should be!
 
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Our relationships with God are individual, specific to each of us. It can be difficult for others to understand the personal relationship you have as God sometimes reveals himself to each of us in ways only that individual can understand. I'm sorry you are not feeling anything right now. It could be he is allowing a break after the two recent trials. It could also be that this is another trial, allowing you to see how you react. I find that when there are times like this in my life, it's best to read His Word and pray anyway. Life can seem to be okay without prayer, but I've learned that won't last and harder trials will come. I urge you to be faithful in your study and prayer, and I truly believe the feelings will come again. Remember there are three answers to our prayers - yes, no and not yet. Perhaps you are in a not yet moment. Prayers for peace, strength, wisdom and for you to feel His presence soon.
 
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"Feelings, and feelings, and feelings. Let me try thinking instead." -CS Lewis, A Grief Observed

Feelings are the outcome of experiences and thoughts. It is a reaction, not an action, nor a choice. We are in a feelings-driven culture, and it is detrimental to the quality of our lives, because if a feeling is the goal, then the mind will float anywhere to obtain the desirable feeling.

Our faith is not based upon feelings, nor should it be. It comes from a solid relationship with Jesus, which is formed through prayer, Bible study and fellowship with other believers. A believer has seasons of spiritual dryness; this is an opportunity to grow faith. But if your house is built on shifting sand, faith will wane. If faith is practiced, acted upon instead of emotionally driven, faith grows. When faith grows and we encounter God, the feelings follow. But feelings are not the goal. Obedience to God and glorifying Him is.

I agree with others that when you were "feeling" good while having a sexual relationship outside of marriage, that is only because you were enjoying your sin. We choose sin over God because it's pleasurable and immediate. You said that the Holy Spirit didn't protect you from your thoughts and desires. That is because it is not the Holy Spirit's job to do so. The Holy Spirit convicts us when we are going in the wrong direction. The fact that you say that you did not sense that conviction while enjoying your sin is evidence that you were too far from Him to hear. Sin distances us from God and drowns out His voice in our minds and hearts. It is a dangerous place to be.

When we are willfully disobedient, we can't expect God to come to our aid. It is up to us to choose, or not choose, to return to Him. Jesus asked the sick, "Do you want to be healed?" He doesn't force it on us. If we want that healing, He then says to obey, to go and sin no more. When we repent, He welcomes us back in the fold. But that doesn't mean that we necessarily "feel" something. We use the mind that God gave us, think through our choices, and then act in faith. We go back to learning of Him from His word and praying in earnest, with praise and worship. This is mature faith.

I encourage you to pray for this spiritual maturity, to repent of your desire for feelings above faith, and to determine to obey His word, while seeking His face. Leave feelings out of the equation. As I said, the feelings will come when you have first made the choice to follow His ways. All other feelings, and I suspect the ones you have described, are a cheap and false imitation from the enemy.

You have come to this board many, many times with this same problem. Each time, mature Christians have taken the time to explain to you why your methodology of seeking certain feelings is fruitless. You have rejected this counsel, and then continued with the same problem over and over and over. You will continue to get what you've always gotten if you continue to choose what you've always chosen. My prayer for you is that you will finally understand that you have been chasing the wind, and that you will correct your course and seek God's face His way. Not your own.
 
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