Too Picky?

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

So I am wondering just how picky people are. Christians specifically. I finally put myself on an online dating site. No one will respond to me except non-Christian guys (even though I wrote that I was specifically looking for a Christian guy). Kind of funny. Not! And the one or two Christian guys that I have briefly talked to have vanished without so much as a word...

It's like they want someone perfect? I don't know. When I look at profiles it's like they want a girl to be everything: cook, clean, give them kids....but you better be attractive (meaning slender/athletic and model!), be into sports and every other activity that they do....blah blah blah. I consider myself to be a well-rounded individual and many of these things. Yet, I just can't help but wonder if people are just too picky? Or Christians? I hate saying this because I am a Christian. In the past I was WAY too picky but have come to my senses (Somewhat, lol). I'm sorry but I can't help but thinking that Christians are more picky than non-Christians, and sometimes less forgiving. We each have our deal breakers, but in the end we have all sinned and if we are saved by God...

I just don't get what I am doing wrong. Or maybe it's just God saying this is not my time.

I think what each of us need to come to grips that this does not mean that we are unwanted, or that we are unloved. It means that it is not the right time, or that perhaps a relationship is not best for us. Letting God hold the pieces is often difficult.

 

[Gnarwhal]

I've become super picky and I have no problem with it. In fact, I've intentionally heightened my standards because I know how tragic it can be when a person settles. I've reached a point where I would rather remain single than remarry if it means that I'm settling. I even said as much on my Match.com profile.

 

[historyincognito]

I am the same way I have come up with the list of what I am not going to do when dating.

 

[MehGuy]

People are picky against me, so I'm picky against them.

Many of them say they don't like short men, but they end up dating a lot of us anyways.. lol.

 

[redblue22]

I'm not picky.

I think there are some strange ideas going around about God and dating.

I see no reason that now couldn't be the right time.


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[southernwonder]

So I am wondering just how picky people are. Christians specifically. I finally put myself on an online dating site. No one will respond to me except non-Christian guys (even though I wrote that I was specifically looking for a Christian guy). Kind of funny. Not! And the one or two Christian guys that I have briefly talked to have vanished without so much as a word...

It's like they want someone perfect? I don't know. When I look at profiles it's like they want a girl to be everything: cook, clean, give them kids....but you better be attractive (meaning slender/athletic and model!), be into sports and every other activity that they do....blah blah blah. I consider myself to be a well-rounded individual and many of these things. Yet, I just can't help but wonder if people are just too picky? Or Christians? I hate saying this because I am a Christian. In the past I was WAY too picky but have come to my senses (Somewhat, lol). I'm sorry but I can't help but thinking that Christians are more picky than non-Christians, and sometimes less forgiving. We each have our deal breakers, but in the end we have all sinned and if we are saved by God...

I just don't get what I am doing wrong. Or maybe it's just God saying this is not my time.

I think what each of us need to come to grips that this does not mean that we are unwanted, or that we are unloved. It means that it is not the right time, or that perhaps a relationship is not best for us. Letting God hold the pieces is often difficult.

I have had the same experience. I get many replies from non-Christian men even though I specifically say I am looking for a Christian. When I do end up talking with a Christian guy, it turns out he has three kids from three different women or something like that. If the guy does turn out to be really nice, of course, he lives 5 hours away.

I am almost to the point of just being done with it all.

 

[redblue22]

I think picky people want something from you. There are other people who want you--not what you have or can do. Some people run you over with a bright light in order to judge you. Other people want to run you over with a bright light so they can enjoy your beauty all the more. Some people are upset by your success. Other people enjoy seeing you succeed.

When you are hospitalized, changed also by your age, and in need, what do you think is going to happen when you no longer live up to the picky list? When you no longer have anything to offer, the picky person is angry and resentful; they will look to get their wants somewhere else. One person enjoys loving you. The other person loves themselves.

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[Bobthemotorcycle]

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[Deidre32]

Online dating in my opinion, is like a buffet. I can't help but think that the same dudes who are sending you notes of interest, are copying and pasting the same notes, changing the names (let's hope they remember)...to ten or more other girls at the same time. I will never use an online dating site. Yea, there are some isolated success stories, but they are few and far between. I don't believe the advertisements on match and eharmony. Notice they show the same couples over and over lol

I don't think people are too picky...I just think online dating has caused people to view other human beings as commodities...like shopping at the mall for a product. And in many cases, people are just 'window shopping.'

No thanks! lol

 

[redblue22]

Calling people garbage piles and looking down on others as not good enough.

I expect to find that kind of talk at most churches.

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[quietpraiyze]

I just don't get what I am doing wrong. Or maybe it's just God saying this is not my time.

Lawd hab mercy (yes I say it like that!)...

You're an intelligent woman. I would have thought you'd figured it out by now. Please tell me you know all this supposed dating stuff has nothing to do with you? If God's in it anywhere, it's in Him protecting you. By now you should have put it together but then again I could be wrong...

 

[Nanopants]

Since I can't see your profile I have no idea about what these Christian guys are perceiving that's encouraging them to not talk to you. I've also never much used dating sites, so my experience with them is limited.

All I can say is, if I were to run into a Christian woman on a dating site, depending on how Christian she makes herself appear to be, some of the things that might run through my head may include "oh God, she seems more strict than my last pastor," or, "she probably doesn't think I'm good enough for her," and I'd likely move on. That wouldn't be for merely having a Christian faith box checked though.

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

I've become super picky and I have no problem with it. In fact, I've intentionally heightened my standards because I know how tragic it can be when a person settles. I've reached a point where I would rather remain single than remarry if it means that I'm settling. I even said as much on my Match.com profile.

So you are probably one of those people I won't match with on that site. LOL. I am not suggesting to lower standards, settling is so not worth it! What I am saying is....we should be looking for a partner and companion, not someone to complete us or be "everything." I don't expect to find something that has EVERYTHING I want. There will be some compromise. But they will have the big things that I will not compromise for.

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

People are picky against me, so I'm picky against them.

Many of them say they don't like short men, but they end up dating a lot of us anyways.. lol.

Haha

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

I have had the same experience. I get many replies from non-Christian men even though I specifically say I am looking for a Christian. When I do end up talking with a Christian guy, it turns out he has three kids from three different women or something like that. If the guy does turn out to be really nice, of course, he lives 5 hours away.

I am almost to the point of just being done with it all.

Yah. I think for me though sometimes I get into the habit of thinking that because it's online, that there should be more connections out there. It isn't like that. I think I am like the only Christian single online in my area. HAHAHA.

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

By the people on the dating site (the ones that meet your initial criteria of being Christian), I think that is exactly what it means, you can't expect the love your seeking from strangers, and dating sites are typically like online shopping, but for people. Since you aren't known to them in person, they look at profiles, see how you market yourself, draw conclusions and make comparisons to other "products". There are literally scores of other "products" on the dating/potential relationship market so people browse it similar to how they would shop for a video camera or something - trying to get the most for their buck (translated - time, a date, an effort etc)

I wouldn't worry too much about it or draw too many conclusions from it - people do not fall in love or even find suitable partners by browsing dating sites (although it is possible some suitable matches are initially introduced in this way) - people more often find love interacting with other people, in some meaningful way.

I would also not draw any conclusions about God's intentions of time or opportunity just because you aren't experiencing the "popular" circuit on whatever dating site you signed up to.

I think married couples who are going through a hard time should look at dating sites. LOL. They would be eager to make it work with their spouse.

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

When you dig through a garbage pile to look for what you want then expect to find garbage. That is basically what the dating sights are. Its people looking for others to scratch their itch.

Try different places. Go to Church and get involved in a singles group. If your Church does not have one then go to a bigger Church that does.

I know it is hard and I know you work hard all day and that you may want somebody to come home to but it is not always in the cards for some of us.

Chances are you are probably better than most guys out there so it may be a blessing that you are not tied to somebody that is not good enough for you.

I think that it will all be about the timing, not about the venue. Patience is a virtue. Last night God lead me to the right verse in Psalms: Be still and know that I am God.

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

Lawd hab mercy (yes I say it like that!)...

You're an intelligent woman. I would have thought you'd figured it out by now. Please tell me you know all this supposed dating stuff has nothing to do with you? If God's in it anywhere, it's in Him protecting you. By now you should have put it together but then again I could be wrong...

Oh yah. I know. Sometimes I can't help but doubt myself though and feel like I need to be BETTER! Maybe if I workout more, am les blunt, or if I don't talk about being ambitious.....

Last night I was really thinking about this and....I shouldn't have to change EVERYTHING about me. No way. I am all about self improvement. But I don't want to feel like I have to be perfect in some way to be with someone because that is not ever happening. I'm just a little hard on myself.

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

Since I can't see your profile I have no idea about what these Christian guys are perceiving that's encouraging them to not talk to you. I've also never much used dating sites, so my experience with them is limited.

All I can say is, if I were to run into a Christian woman on a dating site, depending on how Christian she makes herself appear to be, some of the things that might run through my head may include "oh God, she seems more strict than my last pastor," or, "she probably doesn't think I'm good enough for her," and I'd likely move on. That wouldn't be for merely having a Christian faith box checked though.

Well I can send you my profile wording and you can judge it!

 

[keith99]

I think married couples who are going through a hard time should look at dating sites. LOL. They would be eager to make it work with their spouse.

Well they might get lucky and end up with their own version of the Pina Colada song.

But likely not, most folks are too quick to blame the other person.

Escape (The Piña Colada Song) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia