Too Picky?

[CCHIPSS]

I don't believe in love at first sight at all. Not even close. But the first time I set a lady (real life or picture) she have to look ok to me. It doesn't mean I am looking for a super model or anything. But she have to look a bit attractive to me. At least look "ok" in my eyes.

If I don't find a lady attractive at all, I don't see a point of continuing. And honestly why would a lady want me to continue? It will just waste both of our times.

Now of course things like personality is very important. But to me there must be some kind of physical attraction at the beginning. At least I cannot find her unattractive.

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

Well they might get lucky and end up with their own version of the Pina Colada song.

But likely not, most folks are too quick to blame the other person.

Escape (The Piña Colada Song) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Ha! I love that song!

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

I don't believe in love at first sight at all. Not even close. But the first time I set a lady (real life or picture) she have to look ok to me. It doesn't mean I am looking for a super model or anything. But she have to look a bit attractive to me. At least look "ok" in my eyes.

If I don't find a lady attractive at all, I don't see a point of continuing. And honestly why would a lady want me to continue? It will just waste both of our times.

Now of course things like personality is very important. But to me there must be some kind of physical attraction at the beginning. At least I cannot find her unattractive.

I consider myself to be attractive. Not model attractive, but attractive enough!!

 

[Nanopants]

Well I can send you my profile wording and you can judge it!

Well, with no promises on the usefulness of my opinion, shoot, I'll take a look at it if you want ;]

Bear in mind I'm not exactly known for my ability to agree with people, much less to offer agreeable opinions lol.

 

[sundewgrower]

Online dating in my opinion, is like a buffet. I can't help but think that the same dudes who are sending you notes of interest, are copying and pasting the same notes, changing the names (let's hope they remember)...to ten or more other girls at the same time. I will never use an online dating site. Yea, there are some isolated success stories, but they are few and far between. I don't believe the advertisements on match and eharmony. Notice they show the same couples over and over lol

I don't think people are too picky...I just think online dating has caused people to view other human beings as commodities...like shopping at the mall for a product. And in many cases, people are just 'window shopping.'

No thanks! lol

It can be a bit like a market. If they don't reply then you're not wanted. If you have looks and are a girl you'll be flooded with messages. If you're a guy then you are stuck proving you are decent, and that being a bit weird is worth it to them since you'll treat them really well.

My current friend told me that her father said nothing good can come out of the internet for friends (she is underage still). However, months later her parents both say I've been a very positive influence (they've done stuff like added gifts to a box she sent to me, helped get Skype work better, and etc), and she has been the best friend I've ever had. She told me she was shocked on how bad it was on OKC, as initially didn't know the (android apps) purpose due to a language barrier deal..

Past that.. I'm picky in some ways (Faith, lifestyle, personality, etc). But others I'm not.
I sometimes wonder if I'm that attracted (some photos are a bit weird. Other times on say Skype it's like wow with her personality and some looks I'm dumbstruck) to this friend or not.
Definitely if I visited it would be horrible if I just realized in person it's not there.
Honestly I know if it's God's will then I'll be dead set on how she looks.
So I guess in that area I'm not so picky or want to not be picky.

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

Well, with no promises on the usefulness of my opinion, shoot, I'll take a look at it if you want ;]

Bear in mind I'm not exactly known for my ability to agree with people, much less to offer agreeable opinions lol.

You're just worried you might fall for me.

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

It can be a bit like a market. If they don't reply then you're not wanted. If you have looks and are a girl you'll be flooded with messages. If you're a guy then you are stuck proving you are decent, and that being a bit weird is worth it to them since you'll treat them really well.

My current friend told me that her father said nothing good can come out of the internet for friends (she is underage still). However, months later her parents both say I've been a very positive influence (they've done stuff like added gifts to a box she sent to me, helped get Skype work better, and etc), and she has been the best friend I've ever had. She told me she was shocked on how bad it was on OKC, as initially didn't know the (android apps) purpose due to a language barrier deal..

Past that.. I'm picky in some ways (Faith, lifestyle, personality, etc). But others I'm not.
I sometimes wonder if I'm that attracted (some photos are a bit weird. Other times on say Skype it's like wow with her personality and some looks I'm dumbstruck) to this friend or not.
Definitely if I visited it would be horrible if I just realized in person it's not there.
Honestly I know if it's God's will then I'll be dead set on how she looks.
So I guess in that area I'm not so picky or want to not be picky.

I think one of the problems is that I don't share my picture on line, but I do say that if they think I might be someone who they would want to talk to then I can send them a picture. I'm sure this scares some away. But if not having a picture scares them away then oh well, it's not worth it to me. I'm not comfortable putting my picture on the web.

 

[redblue22]

I enjoyed using internet dating. I met a lot of interesting people. I met many people who are special Christians and I really should have thought more about being with one of them. If I were without anyone to date, I would use the sites again. Of course I would be the kind of "garbage" some might see in me. But that is ok, I'm garbage looking to meet garbage, right?

 

[Sketcher]

This thread honestly reminded me of another one in Mature Singles that caught my eye in its infancy: http://www.christianforums.com/t5167259/

The takeaway: Maybe it's not pickiness. Maybe it's the matching algorithms.

 

[Deidre32]

It can be a bit like a market. If they don't reply then you're not wanted. If you have looks and are a girl you'll be flooded with messages. If you're a guy then you are stuck proving you are decent, and that being a bit weird is worth it to them since you'll treat them really well.

My current friend told me that her father said nothing good can come out of the internet for friends (she is underage still). However, months later her parents both say I've been a very positive influence (they've done stuff like added gifts to a box she sent to me, helped get Skype work better, and etc), and she has been the best friend I've ever had. She told me she was shocked on how bad it was on OKC, as initially didn't know the (android apps) purpose due to a language barrier deal..

Past that.. I'm picky in some ways (Faith, lifestyle, personality, etc). But others I'm not.
I sometimes wonder if I'm that attracted (some photos are a bit weird. Other times on say Skype it's like wow with her personality and some looks I'm dumbstruck) to this friend or not.
Definitely if I visited it would be horrible if I just realized in person it's not there.
Honestly I know if it's God's will then I'll be dead set on how she looks.
So I guess in that area I'm not so picky or want to not be picky.

We all should be selective, and discerning, nothing wrong with that. I just find online dating sites to have too much wiggle room for liars to do their thing. I mean, you can meet someone at a party, and they could lie to you about a bunch of things, too...etc. But, I've heard that online dating sites breed that kind of thing. One of my friends tried it, and the guy stayed active she found out the entire time they were 'exclusively' dating. He would log in night after night, she soon discovered.

Again, no thanks! lol

 

[sundewgrower]

We all should be selective, and discerning, nothing wrong with that. I just find online dating sites to have too much wiggle room for liars to do their thing. I mean, you can meet someone at a party, and they could lie to you about a bunch of things, too...etc. But, I've heard that online dating sites breed that kind of thing. One of my friends tried it, and the guy stayed active she found out the entire time they were 'exclusively' dating. He would log in night after night, she soon discovered.

Again, no thanks! lol

That would really hurt and I did have a "friend" who was probably doing that to me then dropped me when she found better.
For myself.. I speak to my current friend (she was helping me with cultural dating advice for the first one mentioned), her father, aunt, sister, and etc of her's at times.. I've been speaking with her probably 4 hours a week for a few months and like 30 minutes of chatting a day.. Seems none of us have much time to do much else with work and stuff. No romance or that talk at all since she is too young so we both keep it a certain way.. Sometimes for the first two months she'd misunderstand me and think maybe I'm speaking to somebody online. Too young to keep me off the market, but very smart, and (more) tactful (than I am!) enough to make me want to wait it out
So I've been done with looking around for a long time, and so I'm waiting.

I think one of the problems is that I don't share my picture on line, but I do say that if they think I might be someone who they would want to talk to then I can send them a picture. I'm sure this scares some away. But if not having a picture scares them away then oh well, it's not worth it to me. I'm not comfortable putting my picture on the web.

That's a hard one. Now if there was a dating site that just showed a written profiles then I'd probably be after yours I'm guessing. However, usually a profile without a photo is easier to miss or you think they didn't fill it in so they're just to look.. Doesn't take much of a photo at all, but something regardless of how obscure (ei a face mask is what I'd see for those in Asia) helps. For my current friend, and past friendships I'd just like one halfway meh photo after a few weeks or a month. But otherwise, other than to verify they're okay then why need more? I want to be attracted to those who have a good personality, and not the other way around.
Also, if you send guys messages then you'll have pretty good luck. So if you do that then you should be able to garnet more interest.

 

[redblue22]

I encourage pictures, but I think doing so invites scumbag Christians. Nonetheless, I enjoy seeing the beautiful women who are behind the text. But I also think women are smart enough to know who is a scumbag versus someone enjoying your beauty.

 

[MehGuy]

People can so easily lie in pictures.

 

[CCHIPSS]

It can be a bit like a market. If they don't reply then you're not wanted. If you have looks and are a girl you'll be flooded with messages. If you're a guy then you are stuck proving you are decent, and that being a bit weird is worth it to them since you'll treat them really well.

My current friend told me that her father said nothing good can come out of the internet for friends (she is underage still). However, months later her parents both say I've been a very positive influence (they've done stuff like added gifts to a box she sent to me, helped get Skype work better, and etc), and she has been the best friend I've ever had. She told me she was shocked on how bad it was on OKC, as initially didn't know the (android apps) purpose due to a language barrier deal..

Past that.. I'm picky in some ways (Faith, lifestyle, personality, etc). But others I'm not.
I sometimes wonder if I'm that attracted (some photos are a bit weird. Other times on say Skype it's like wow with her personality and some looks I'm dumbstruck) to this friend or not.
Definitely if I visited it would be horrible if I just realized in person it's not there.
Honestly I know if it's God's will then I'll be dead set on how she looks.
So I guess in that area I'm not so picky or want to not be picky.

I will say it is like trying to buy just one apple from a pile. Everyone browse through the apples to try to look for the best they can find. Some apples are rotten inside. etc.

Eventually the person pick out an apple and set it aside. This person can then head to the cashier and pay. Or this person can keep searching while holding onto the original apple.

Now there are certainly many bad apples in the pile. But there are good ones too. At the same time the good ones that you come upon might not like you. So you have to be patient and wait until one of those good ones like you. Or you settle with one of the bad ones.

My first GF ever was through POF. Without using POF I would probably still have never had a GF at 32 years old. For one reason or another I simply cannot find a GF in "real life" before that.

 

[CCHIPSS]

I think one of the problems is that I don't share my picture on line, but I do say that if they think I might be someone who they would want to talk to then I can send them a picture. I'm sure this scares some away. But if not having a picture scares them away then oh well, it's not worth it to me. I'm not comfortable putting my picture on the web.

For the ladies that doesn't post a picture I would read her height and body type. I would probably look for someone above 5'4 with average or thin body type. I would also read her hobbies and interest to see if they match.

The problem is I am not sure when should I ask a lady for her picture. To me if the lady is interested, after talking with her for a while, she should offer to sent me her picture. If the offer wasn't made I assume she isn't interested.

 

[CCHIPSS]

I enjoyed using internet dating. I met a lot of interesting people. I met many people who are special Christians and I really should have thought more about being with one of them. If I were without anyone to date, I would use the sites again. Of course I would be the kind of "garbage" some might see in me. But that is ok, I'm garbage looking to meet garbage, right?

My pastor at my previous church met his wife online. He was about 35 when he married.

I won't say online dating is garbage. There are many decent people that simply cannot find someone in real life. Others are too picky for so long that they missed the boat of many chances.

 

[CCHIPSS]

We all should be selective, and discerning, nothing wrong with that. I just find online dating sites to have too much wiggle room for liars to do their thing. I mean, you can meet someone at a party, and they could lie to you about a bunch of things, too...etc. But, I've heard that online dating sites breed that kind of thing. One of my friends tried it, and the guy stayed active she found out the entire time they were 'exclusively' dating. He would log in night after night, she soon discovered.

Again, no thanks! lol

Until a relationship settles into a GF/BF relationship, I think it is perfectly fine to casually date multiple people at once. During the casual dating stage people are trying to become friends and get to know each other better. It wasn't really anything serious.

But from the first time the two hold hands, I will say yes it is on. And at the first kiss, yes definitely on (no excuses on this one). At that point both people should break ties with their other online relationships. Both people should tell the other person that they are "special" and the "only one" they are seeing right now.

Now by breaking ties I mean making it clear that these other online relationships will only be friendship. I am not saying we should never talk to these other people again. Nor I am saying we should go out and start hating all these other online relationships.

 

[Deidre32]

Until a relationship settles into a GF/BF relationship, I think it is perfectly fine to casually date multiple people at once. During the casual dating stage people are trying to become friends and get to know each other better. It wasn't really anything serious.

But from the first time the two hold hands, I will say yes it is on. And at the first kiss, yes definitely on (no excuses on this one). At that point both people should break ties with their other online relationships. Both people should tell the other person that they are "special" and the "only one" they are seeing right now.

Now by breaking ties I mean making it clear that these other online relationships will only be friendship. I am not saying we should never talk to these other people again. Nor I am saying we should go out and start hating all these other online relationships.

totally agree, my friend and her bf were exclusive, it was discussed, so he should have not been active on the dating site.

granted, someone can still cheat on you in 'real' life (offline life) so...guess, it's all the same in the end.

 

[TheApostleJohn]

I don't really know why Christian men would be more picky than anyone else. They might in general like more conventionally feminine women and maybe you don't fit into that. It might be that the dating site you're on is mostly non-Christians so that's the messages you're getting.

I've wondered if I may be too "picky", but that's in regard to my only wanting to date extremely smart people, and people who seem especially "sincere"

 

[sundewgrower]

I find it hard..
I had a discussion about my friend (young yet very mature and far away yet her parents seem to be positive with this friendship) with my parents, with my mother less optimistic than my father who is a more grounded realist. Ironically my father and I will be meeting our old pastor as he moved back here. His wife died recently due to cancer sadly, but he was optimistic since his wife was Chinese, and said Taiwanese girls are very mature for their age.
So hard since I see so many qualities (and I'm relatively picky) that are positive but maybe I'm just not picky enough or I don't know what...
So confusing sometimes. Lots to go over as my parents have excellent points to look at. Some seemingly mundane things can really be massive issues down the road. I know a lot as her friend, and so far it seems to be worth letting time pass to see what happens. As it stands I'd rock this boat (hopefully not too off topic here.. Since it as mentioned earlier here) if I were to start dating online again. I don't really have the desire or inclination to do so. But sometimes I think it might be worth doing.

If you're speaking to somebody a decent bit on a friend pretense due to the current situation (time and waiting), have a lot of transparency (never had a friend like this before) yet refrain from "I like you"/romance topics (inflammatory right now), and both of us don't really want to speak to anybody else. What's that called? That's an obvious question. But I've never dated anybody, and it appears this friendship is metamorphosing here ... yet still is platonic as it stands.
Sorry.. I know it's a bit off canter here.
But it's weird since I'm usually picky in some ways, but it seems like I'm not now (in regards to age, waiting, and that this is riskier than not) that I know this friend so well.