This Guy...I'm Clueless!

[Living4Him03]

Okay, so I'm wondering how to get a guy to notice you. I would really like some pointers from the guys on this. See, there's this guy and I want to get to know him and I want him to notice me. Now, the thing is that he is in Iraq right now, but we were friends when he and I were RAs at the dorm we lived in. I haven't seen him since he graduated and was comissioned into the Army. I also hadn't heard from him until he emailed about a week ago. I had been thinking about him for awhile and wondering what he was up to and decided to start praying for him.

As an RA with him I was so clueless! I had sort of been dating this other guy, but dumped him after school started that year (fall 02). My friend helped me get to know this guy more by asking him to hang out with us, inviting him to come along when we went to eat, etc. So, I sort of got to know him, but not as well as I wish I had. I do remember that he is a strong Christian and led bible studies for his residents. I also remember that he was a great story teller, very kind, very manly (lol), handsome, and just an overall good guy to be around. However, I was soooo shy around him! It was hard for me to initiate conversations with him. I even remember one night where we both worked in the office and it was just us two. I brought some studying to do and didn't think it would really bother me with him being there. Well, it turns out that it did bother me because I was pretty nervous around him, yet also felt relaxed, if that makes sense!

Anyway, I could go on and on. The point is that I want to get to know this guy because he is definitely worth getting to know. So, how can I do that with him being in Iraq and me being somewhat shy and him being very popular with the ladies? I'm sure he's got TONS of girls writing to him. I've been praying some that God will let me get to know him if it's His will, but I think that's kind of selfish seeing as how he is at war and all! I'm sending him a care package with some fun stuff and snacks I think he'll like. But the care package is for him to share. Even if I never get to know him that well or date him or whatever, I just think he's an awesome guy and it's great to see someone who is at war and yet still serving God fully by being a witness to his guys and leading bible studies and all.

I hope this all makes sense! Thoughts?? Thanks!

 

[Living4Him03]

Oh, and it might help to know the reason I have wondered about his interest: See, I wanted him to ask me out back then, but he never did and I have always kinda wondered if he wasn't interested or if there were other reasons. And if he wasn't interested at that time if he ever will be. I guess it's possible...but I keep thinking that he's got plenty of girls writing to him, and some are probably Christians too, and well I'm just me.

 

[throwingbones]

That's kind of a tough one; you know, since he's in another country alltogether. I think that the care package will be a nice touch and that you should include a brief letter that tells him that your prayers are with him and that you hope he is doing okay. Remind him of a funny story or happy time that you may have shared, throw in a personal detail that you remember to show that you cared enough to remember. Don't assume that he has tons of girls writing to him. My brother was stationed in Kuwait and later in Iraq and he looked forward to every piece of mail sent to him. This guy will definitely appreciate the care package and personal letter. Oh, and keep responding to his emails. Just my two cents.

Also, in my opinion, guys usually won't put a lot of effort into maintaining relationships with girls unless they are interested. Although there are a lot of exceptions to this rule.

 

[LionOfJudah]

write real letters, emails are great but i promise getting a real letter is even better, my dad was in the army and when he was stationed away from us my mom made us write letters, they are something that he could always keepw ith him to remind him of us back here.

Also writing letters is fun, have i mentioned that you should write him a letter . it sounds like you two kind of know eachother so just write him a letter on paper, and ask how he has been doing since graduating, ask if he is safe, you know all those things, as a guy i am also very "manly" so maybe a nice young lady can jump in and add some suggestions on what to write in this letter on apiece of paper to your friend in IRAQ.

 

[Living4Him03]

Thanks guys! Yah, I think that's true about guys only putting effort into getting to know someone they are interested in. So, we'll see about that. I know he's pretty busy over there so I don't expect to hear from him all the time and things like that. But, it would be nice to know more about him and become better friends...who knows where God will take it!

I guess you are right, writing a handwritten letter probably has a bigger impact than just getting emails all the time. I know another girl is supposedly emailing him a lot, so I will try and write handwritten letters I would like to know first though if that's something he'd like to get from me or if he has time to read the letters. I included a personal note in the package that has a bible verse and a sunset on the front (I think I remember him liking sunsets a lot). I also tried to include candy I think he'll like...it's hard to remember everything because it's been so long since I've been in touch with him and all.

Anyway, thanks for the advice Oh, and keep the suggestions and thoughts coming. The more the merrier

 

[Tuffguy]

Write him either emails or letters. If you're sending a care package send a letter.
Tell him that you just felt like saying hello and something that happened reciently reminded you of him. If hes interested then he will show it. Maybe mention that you have some pictures lying around of yourself and you'll see if you can dig them up. Guys are very visual. But don't send them right away before you feel him out. Don't assume that just because he has alot going for him he has tons of girls writing him.

 

[Living4Him03]

The reason that I think he's probably got enough girls writing him is because I know of two already other than me ...and I know that when we were RAs he was really popular with all the girls at our dorm and could have dated any one of them he wanted.

Yah, guys are visual, but like you said he doesn't need a pic just yet Also, I want to actually look cute before I send him an updated pic. I'm not exactly gorgeous so I don't want to scare him off! lol. I'm hoping he doesn't remember me being not quite so cute lol.

As a side, I'm quite visual, and he has a pic of himself in uniform on his website...*whistles* hehe

 

[Sam the Record Man]

I think the best way to attract attention and interest from a guy is to show some interest in him yourself. I dont mean blurting out that you like him, but showing that you care about him, and want to know more about him and how hes doing. The care package idea sounds like a good idea, and i guess letters or whatever would work too. I think you just gotta take an interest, open up the conversation lines

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

Um, wait a second. I thought you had a boyfriend?

 

[Stanfi]

Um, wait a second. I thought you had a boyfriend?

That's what I was thinking also???

 

[Living4Him03]

Nope. Not anymore. He wasn't taking interest in me so I just let him go. It's been hard, but I was wasting my time on something that was just not happening. Now I'm free to get to know guys and to just let God work His will. And to take an interest in the soldier guy, because I've liked him since I met him and I still think about him, so maybe I will get the chance to get to know him and maybe someday he'll ask me out.

 

[Princess Pea]

Good for you for letting him go! I know how hard that is, but you deserve someone who WILL take an interest in you! It will be hard for a while, but it will get better.

Now, if I may be so bold - you just broke up with one boyfriend; are you sure you're ready to start thinking about someone new? Sure, it's comforting to have someone on the horizon after a breakup, but protect your healing heart. Give yourself some time to grieve and to learn from the relationship that just ended. You have nothing to lose from giving yourself a break from guys for a while - especially at your age! Spend some time just getting to know yourself and God. If this guy in Iraq is so great, doesn't he deserve more than a rebound relationship? And so do you! Wait to correspond with him until you can do it without carrying along baggage from your previous boyfriend. If this soldier is the man God wants in your life, waiting until your heart is ready won't mess it up. Honest!

 

[Stanfi]

Nope. Not anymore. He wasn't taking interest in me so I just let him go. It's been hard, but I was wasting my time on something that was just not happening. Now I'm free to get to know guys and to just let God work His will. And to take an interest in the soldier guy, because I've liked him since I met him and I still think about him, so maybe I will get the chance to get to know him and maybe someday he'll ask me out.

Good for you, not holding onto one guy, and out looking for another! Been on the receiving end of that. No fun!

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

L4H--Didn't you say he emailed you? Well, if he emailed you, I'd say that's a pretty good sign that he'd like you to reply.

Send emails, write letters, and send a package or two if you can. I was never sent overseas, but my experience just from bootcamp--you didn't care if you received a bank statement--you just wanted mail from the "outside" world. He will appreciate it, believe me.

Don't talk about relationships or stuff like that. Get a chance to know one another again through your emails/letters. Also, think about the possibility of having a relationship with an man in the military. Is that something you'd like to persue, as dating and life in general in the military is so different than civilian life.

I saw write him, just as friends, and see where it could go. You never know!

 

[LionOfJudah]

i have not read it, but any military man loves to get real mail, it reminds him that someone back home does care and is thinking about him, wether it is his church, mom, friend, anyone they dont care a pen pal who is 8 from school they love it, just write i promise he will enjoy, if he doesnt then tell me and i will do something redicilous to make it up to you.

 

[Living4Him03]

i have not read it, but any military man loves to get real mail, it reminds him that someone back home does care and is thinking about him, wether it is his church, mom, friend, anyone they dont care a pen pal who is 8 from school they love it, just write i promise he will enjoy, if he doesnt then tell me and i will do something redicilous to make it up to you.

Haha. I'm sure he'll enjoy getting my care package. I hope it at least reminds him that there are people out there thinking about him back home who he hasn't even seen in awhile. I also know as a leader it's really good to have support and encouragement, because you are responsible for not only yourself but for others. And yah it would be nice if it gets his attention and provokes interest in getting to know me better


Caelda, I have thought about what dating a military man would be like. My grandfather was in the military for 20 something years, so my grandmother has given me some insight. I've always said I could never date someone who makes a career of the military or who is going off to war. However, lately I have realized I could do it and that if God wanted me to do it, He would give me the strength and everything I need to do so. I have been praying that if God wants me to marry a military man or missionary or someone in a similar line of work, that He will begin preparing me now.

I mailed off the care package today! I don't know if I'll get to send another very soon since I don't have a money tree lol. The package I just sent cost me, including contents, packaging, and shipping costs...$45-50. Not cheap, but I would rather spend my money sending a care package to a soldier and his men rather than spend the money on something silly I'd go and buy at Target lol.

Thanks ya'll for the advice.

 

[Iggster]

I was never sent overseas. But that care package means alot. Send some cookies to his men. But be sure you give him a keepsake of some sort. May be a tiny wooden cross you made, or something. A bracelet you made <----no metallic stuff, or anything of light colors ie pink, yellow, white.........

I cherished my personal letters just as much. I'd read those over and over when we were out on the field. He's not gonna have emails if he's enroute for a new mission, or out on the field. Perhaps, lightly spray your favorite cologne on it. I'd cherish a handwritten letter more than emails, cuz of the time the person took to write to me.

 

[Sketcher]

Yeah, don't be cheatin' on your man!

 

[Living4Him03]

I don't have a man anymore twisted lol

I put a little mist of perfume in the whole package so it would smell good when it gets there. I know if I were over there I'd miss the scent of a guy, so I suppose the guys miss smelling perfume and all. Also, he used to think my dorm room smelled really good and always commented on it when he was there.

I'm not sure how often he gets to send emails, it looks like for awhile he was able to send quite a few. I will probably write him a handwritten letter later on...I don't want to over-do it! I put a bunch of candy in the care package because I thought sending cookies would be a bad idea-they might get stale! I put in my card I sent for him to share with his guys so I'm sure he will.

 

[Living4Him03]

Oh and yes, he did email me, but it was sort of a group email. I showed it to my friend who also got an email from him and he said pretty much the same stuff to her. But that's okay because I know he may not have time to reply to everyone's emails individually. I'm not sure that when he does get time online he actually gets very much. It's not that I"m trying to find out if he's interested, I know that's a long shot lol. I just want to know HOW to GET him interested