Thing's you shouldn't say...

[lucypevensie]

Trying to buy my vote, aren't you? Either that or it's a trick to beg campaign money off me. Nice try. You just go and enjoy your hot dog, canned beans, and potato chips without me.

It's the middle of the night, dog needs to go out, and Dh tells you it's your turn.

 

[brinny]

y'know, i'm gonna be experiential n' see if he can learn to use da toilet all by himself. Let's see what happens...

There's somebody at yer door and they looks mad, what should ya' do?

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

OK, I'll buy a box of Girl Scout cookies.

What not to say to a cat lover.

 

[lucypevensie]

So, you're one of those crazy cat people, huh? How many do you have? I'm guessing about 56?

Greeting a friend you haven't seen in weeks.

 

[Lioness901]

Where have you been don't you know that you need to be by my side and know everything about my life!? Sheesh some friend you are!

What not to say when your wife says to you "honey I'm pregnant."

 

[brinny]

Ohhh no, that means yer gonna be lookin' like a WHALE again??!!!

a really surly dude says "Gimme all yer money"

 

[Via Cassian]

What not to say: "You are too stupid to know how to pull the trigger."

What should you not say as you walk into a biker bar?

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Um.... whose motorcycle did I just back my car over?

What not to say to the bus driver as you get on.

 

[brinny]

You again? I'm gonna get you fired.

To a police officer giving you a parking ticket.

 

[WarriorOftheLord]

If I can get Gabriel Iglesias to make you laugh, will you spare me the ticket?

When someone suggests you keep watch on a high-risk operation(such as gluing the teacher's chair down)

 

[Via Cassian]

"Good I will do it. When the teacher comes, I'll jump up and say, "Surprise, look what we did to your chair!'"

What should you never say when you see your boss picking up a prescription at the drug store?

 

[MissRowy]

Oh I didn't realise you suffered from genital warts too?

The neighbour when your dog does a poop on their lawn

 

[lucypevensie]

I'd pick that up, but it's really not bothering me. You're welcome to pick it up yourself though if it bothers you.

To a football coach when his team wins big.

 

[dmpeace]

Did you know you where playing their 3rd string players.

You get a surprise birthday party.

 

[lucypevensie]

Yeah yeah, surprise surprise... it's time for you all to go home now.

School calls and says you need to come pick up your sick kid.

 

[MissRowy]

your kid has Ebola...come quickly

the bank calls you to say your credit card is overdrawn

 

[Via Cassian]

That's OK I've stopped using that stolen identity. I'm now using another of your cards with a higher limit, you guys are the best, thanks.

The utility company knocks on your door and says they need to dig up part of your yard to put in a new line.

 

[americanvet]

Ok, but don't disturb the bodies.

To a person before surgery.

 

[lucypevensie]

I hope your surgery has a better outcome than the last several I've done.

Person working at coffee shop asks "what can we get you today?"

 

[dmpeace]

All your money, quickly put it in the bag.

To a person that stole your money.