Thing's you shouldn't say...

[MissRowy]

Get off your backside and get it yourself...im not a convenience store

Your partner spills wine on your expensive outfit on purpose

 

[lucypevensie]

I actually really like the color better now. Let's go buy several more bottles of this wine and dye the whole outfit!

A group of friends asks you to go to the movies with them.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

I've seen that one. They all die in the end.

Pizza's at the door!

 

[MissRowy]

I didnt order pizza I ordered caviar and dom perignon

the restaurant overcharges you

 

[dmpeace]

You can open a restaurant but can't get my check right?

An old poor man asks for money.

 

[lucypevensie]

I'd give you some cash, but my 5 year old daughter has requested a king sized mink duvet cover for her bed for Christmas this year, and I don't want to disappoint her.

Spouse asks you what's for dinner tonight.

 

[MissRowy]

You know where the fridge is, cook it yourself

You get hassled by a political party trying to get votes for the next election

 

[lucypevensie]

I'll make sure to vote early, and vote often, and at as many polling places as I can!

Customer at the store you work at says how much they enjoy shopping here, and thank you for making it such a pleasant place to shop.

 

[MissRowy]

Did someone pay you to say that because this store stinks and the boss is a pervert

Someone drives into your car in a carpark

 

[lucypevensie]

Nice! I hope someone does the same thing to you, you clumsy old fool!

Waiter asks you how you'd like your steak cooked.

 

[MissRowy]

Surely you know I like my steak well well well done....to the point of charcoal

waiter spills scalding tea on your leg

 

[lucypevensie]

I have half a mind to take these pants off and rub your nose in the mess!

Target checkout girl hands you your bags and says "have a nice day!"

 

[MissRowy]

Does it look nice to you? Its pouring rain!

You open your bags and find someone elses groceries

 

[lucypevensie]

Wow, it looks like we hit the jackpot! Fillet minon, a nice assortment of green vegetables, a bottle of wine, and cheesecake! Looks like some unlucky jerk is going to be stuck with ground Turkey, boxed mashed potatoes, and Little Debbie brownies.

Husband asks "have you seen my keys?"

 

[Lady Donna Marie]

Is that a toupee your wearing?