Thing's you shouldn't say...

[Lioness901]

Your eyes looked glazed have you been eatin doughnuts??

What not to say to say to someone who's nervous because they are about to get married....

 

[jsimms615]

you know the majority of marriages end in divorce these days.


What you should not say to an IRS agent?

 

[WarriorOftheLord]

Hey, I think I've got some surplus profit....what do you make of that?

What to not say to the librarian?

 

[brinny]

can i bring my band in and entertain all the patrons?

what to not say to a pregnant woman?

 

[WarriorOftheLord]

Heyyy, you look just like that cute little hippopotomas at the zoo!!!

What not to say to a skater?

 

[lucypevensie]

Pshhh. You call skating a sport?

Lady at the checkout says "hi, how are you today?"

 

[Lioness901]

You know what I'm feeling awful and you wanna know why its cause of my toe fungus. Its just oozing out puss like crazy and I got this giant hairy wart on my back its so big I'm thinkin of giving it a name.


What not to say when you go into the doctor's office and the doctor says "how are you today?"

 

[lucypevensie]

Like you really care... Doctors are in the business only for the money.

You're graduating, you've walked across the platform, you are handed your diploma, and you say to the person handing it to you...

 

[forest flower]

Full time Macca's here I come. (McDonald's)

To your niece who is afraid of seaweed at the beach?

 

[lucypevensie]

I don't blame you for being afraid. That stuff is slimy and gross-looking. It probably has sea snakes and flesh-eating bacteria and spiders in it, and it might wrap around your legs and pull you under water.

To the mail man

 

[WarriorOftheLord]

NO! I told you to leave my packages TWO INCHES from the lawn gnome!!!!!! That's THREE INCHES, you imbecile!!!!!!!!

To a card shark

 

[lucypevensie]

Poker is for babies, and it's the dumbest game in the world.

To the guy making your sandwich at Subway.

 

[Lioness901]

Gimme like 10 sandwiches and no lip just do it. Three will be half veg half meat but no cheese. Then three others will be cheese and veg but no meat. Don't write this down do it for memory. Then the half meat ones only do bologna. You don't have that? Well you do when I'm here cause I say so don't gimme any lip. Keep ya trap shut and do as your told. Boy your stupid you must not have graduated school or you wouldn't be working here. You know what forget the order I'll eat elsewhere and I hope you live out all your days and rot here...


What not to say when teaching someone how to drive....

 

[brinny]

WATCH OUT!!!! reeeeeeally loudly, so loud that it startles them.....

what not to say to a prison guard...

 

[brinny]

WATCH OUT!!!! reeeeeeally loudly, so loud that it startles them.....

what not to say to a prison guard...

 

[lucypevensie]

Look! Your shoes are untied, you have toilet paper stuck to the back of your pants, and you spilled something on the front of your shirt! ... Oh, you've heard all those before? Never mind then, but one of these days I'm busting out.

When asked how come you weren't at church today.

 

[WarriorOftheLord]

Jeapordy was on today, and I just couldn't miss it.

What not to say to your spouse

 

[TomCS]

Are you putting on weight, honey?

What not to say at a wedding reception.

 

[Lioness901]

Alright everyone gather around the betting table. How long will the bridge and groom be married before they give up and divorce each other? Place your bets folks!

What not to say to the parents when they show you pictures of their newborn baby..??

 

[lucypevensie]

Whoa! You sure you're that kid's dad?

To the First Lady.