Thing's you shouldn't say...

[Susie~Q]

Hope there are no [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] roaches in the bathroom.

What not to say to a person cutting your hair?

 

[lucypevensie]

I'll need you to strip out all the brown highlights first, then I want streaks of red and blonde instead. Make sure you bleach my whole head first. Then I want you to straighten my hair first before you give me a large afro. I only have 30 minutes, so you better get hopping or else I'm not paying.

What not to say to the guest knocking at your door.

 

[star in the sky]

I was looking for someone more taller and handsome.

What not to say to someone who accidentally spilt house paint on your car

 

[lucypevensie]

I hope you have lots of wealthy friends and relatives to borrow money from because you will be replacing this car for me asap.

To the boss when you have to call in sick.

 

[WarriorOftheLord]

I'm having an all-day Disney movie marathon in bed...jealous?

What not to say to someone who has insulted Disney?

 

[lucypevensie]

You're just jealous of Mickey because he has a girlfriend and you don't.

What not to say to the kid bagging your groceries.

 

[Lioness901]

I want just plastic but paper bags for my bread. Put the fruits and veggies together so they are happy. I want half the paper bags inside plastic bags and I want half the plastic bags inside paper bags. But I also want half my things in my own bag that I have here with me. So put half the fruits and veggies in plastic bags no wait paper bags. You know your doin it wrong and you only have this job because you are a loser and couldn't get a real job oh and let me guess you're in the forever alone club aren't you?


What to say to someone you are interviewing for a job...

 

[lucypevensie]

I hope you're not allergic to peanuts because that's about what I'm willing to pay you based on what you've told me so far.

To the customer at the store where you work asking where to find the popped sorghum.

 

[Rebecca Sue]

Tell them you are out of popped sorghum because global warming has caused a severe threat to the sorghum population and also tell them to contact their government representatives because they fix things so efficiently.

 

[Rebecca Sue]

Sorry, forgot to ask a question to the next person

What not to say to the Policeman who just pulled you over

 

[Lioness901]

hey doughnut breath go bother someone else.

What not to say to someone who asks you advice on how to bathe their cat?

 

[lucypevensie]

It's impossible. I suggest replacing the cat.

The server at the restaurant asks if you need a refill on your sofa.

 

[Lioness901]

Duh! Can't you see my glass empty!? It's sitting right there ya stupid ding a ling!

What you shouldn't say to the cop asking you to describe the murderer?

 

[Susie~Q]

I do not know, I was busy doing something else.

What not to say to someone who owns a chain saw.

 

[Rebecca Sue]

Do you think you could trim my hair?


What not to say to the maid who cleans your room in a hotel.

 

[lucypevensie]

The red stains on the carpet? Yeah... um... I spilled something. It was um... Kool-aid. Cherry Kool-aid. Cherry Kool-aid is red. That's what the red stain is. Don't call the cops.

Taxi driver asks where you want to go.

 

[Rebecca Sue]

Tell him you want to go into outer space via NY City and have him stop and keep the meter running while you climb to the top of the Statue of Liberty. Then ask him if he accepts Monopoly money.


What would you say to a banker when you go to take out a second mortgage?

 

[Susie~Q]

I do not have any money to pay the loan off, can I borrow more?

What not to say to a teacher of algebra?

 

[star in the sky]

Are you trained for this? Cause I dont get these equations!

What not say to a child who wants milk and cookies?

 

[Susie~Q]

I ate the last one and drank all the milk.

What not to say to a minister after his sermon?