It just makes me wonder what the problem was. Why not be friends with me?
It’s normal to desire connections and there’s nothing wrong with that. Don’t beat yourself up. But when it comes to content creators that’s a different animal. A lot of people look to them for kinship. The more imperfect they are for some the more genuine they seem. Which makes them feel less self-conscious. But there’s another side of that coin as well. Some gravitate to ideals instead. They’re usually looking for their dream life or something they lack that allows them to live vicariously through the other.
These are the groups you’ll encounter on social media and there’s not a lot of middle ground. When people watch content they want to identify with the person on the screen. Connections in this medium require a similar degree of common denominators but they can be more superficial. Even in christian circles.
I don’t go on Gab but there’s definitely an aesthetic, mood or vibe you’ll notice on TikTok and YouTube. I follow several christian accounts and see my values in my feed. There are a number of people who are talented who don’t resonate with me personally or only at certain times. Some are sharing the word or a skill and there’s nothing wrong with them. I just gravitate to something different.
I think we’re more polarized today and less accommodating of difference. We’re looking for glimmers of ourselves in others which makes connections challenging. Your question made me consider the women I once befriended. We were very close and I knew the majority for ten years or more. But if we crossed paths today I wouldn’t form those bonds in spite of the love we shared. I’m drawn to a different kind of woman and she’s a lot like me but my friendships were more diverse in the past.
Women are pretty cliquish by nature and not as accepting as most expect. The majority move in groups and I don’t mean that number wise. They have their little circle and they’re cool. You can’t ignore the imagery we’re subjected to on this medium. There’s an established view of womanhood that’s celebrated over other examples. It can be challenging if you’re not the same. That’s the image everyone sees and tries to mimic.
The best response is substance not jealousy. Focus on the interactions that are mutually fulfilling. Allow a person to demonstrate their willingness to invest to avoid disappointment. If a person wants to get to know they’ll make an effort. And stop chasing rainbows. Are the people you’re wanting to befriend worthy of the same? You can only be you and you must know it’s good enough. Whether others appreciate it or not. You can’t live for their approval.
I know many people expect differently in christian settings but I never have. You’ll encounter the same biases, quirks and character flaws you experience elsewhere. That’s why it’s good to build connections outside of this sphere. It’s pretty shallow. You’ll develop more bonds on the creator end than not. Content is the shared experience that unites. All of my bonds come from that group and they’re the ones who get me more than others. We have similar goals, lifestyles and challenges. They’re christians as well but if the other was lacking it wouldn’t be the same.
You mentioned writing in the past and may want to seek others doing the same. That’s a common denominator. Unmarried women in ministry is another. And you may want to review the things you’re consuming. If it’s bringing out the wrong feelings or putting you in a bad place mentally you may want to set it aside. Comparison will steal your joy and put you in a bad place mentally. Ask the Lord for godly friends who’ll support you and your work that you can serve in kind. And don’t stop asking until they arrive.
~bella
