Nearly 13 years ago, my life was going pretty well and I was optimistic about my future, then anxiety struck and everything came crashing down.
I've had so many difficult thoughts in my head lately. I think about how much better I used to feel and long for things to be that way again. I struggle not to hate myself for all the mistakes I've made, including missing the early warning signs of my anxiety disorder. I could have avoided all this if only I'd gotten help sooner. It's hard not to get jealous of people who didn't have to go to public school, because most of the fears that led to my problem came from school. I feared things that I thought would ruin my life if they happened, and where did it get me? I ruined my life by fearing them. I'm frustrated that things that made other people so much better have done nothing for me. I'm sad that so much of my life has been wasted. I'm scared to death that I'm going to die from stress, that or get seriously ill, and I can't do anything about it. If I'd never had anxiety, I wouldn't have to worry about that because I wouldn't have much stress.
/End of rant