The need to be liked and accepted

His works for us written, by his creation


2 The earth was without form, and void; and darkness on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.
3 Then God said, “Let there be light”; and there was light. 4 And God saw the light, that it was good; and God divided the light from the darkness. 5 God called the light Day, and the darkness He called Night. So the evening and the morning were the first day.

Ben Collyer said:

Any idea what the core of the problem is? there must be a spiritual problem here

Click to expand...

Hello there,

This is not a matter of 'abiding sin' as has been suggested. For if you are trusting in the sacrificial work of Christ, as your sin bearer, then all of your sin has been forgiven you.

To me, it would seem that this is simply a problem associated with your humanity, as a young man who is sensitive, and who has suffered abuse.

Philippians 4:4-7, is good to read and apply, if you would have peace of mind. Don't look inward, nor outward, but upward to where Christ sits at the right hand of the Father, and read His Word, for the Holy Spirit will give you the assurance you need concerning your 'standing' before God, which is sure. (See Ephesians 1)

You are greatly loved by the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, and accepted in the Beloved. In His eyes you are complete: holy and without blame before Him; because of what Christ has done for you.

Read it, believe it, and live rejoicing in your Saviour, and all will come right.

In Christ Jesus
Chris

I found with gifted people, the word as by standard encourage and give peace. I was once stooping down as when prayed for, and more than observation I was told not to stoop, and not to think I was inferior, but instead fearfully and wonderfully made, and given positive words of promise. This goes on every time one gets prayer, like they read your mail. And you can learn to gain the gifts yourself. In these forums there is a section for "spiritual gits".

Ben Collyer said:

Hi all, I am 26 years old and am very insecure within myself, and my happiness hinges on weather people like me or not, I was rejected and bullied extensively growing up and well into my adulthood.

I believe that a lot of my thought patterns are distorted or maladaptive. and im trying to work on that but its so much effort and it doesn't seem to work.

it also doesn't help that I don't even believe God loves me ...I know it in my head...but not my heart...and so I'm always seeking approval from others...reading self books on social anxiety, looking up articles on being more likeable, feeling happier temporarily until something happens that makes me think i'm not liked and then i sink into a severe depression for which im on medication and have therapy.

I wish I knew what the core of this issue is so I can work on it. I pray that God will give me the answers through this post.

Click to expand...

What are the traits that you like about yourself?
Are you friendly, or kind, or helpful?
Do you try to make the lives of the people in your life better, alleviate their suffering, or increase their joy in some way?
Those are generally the things about people that other people like. And those are the kinds of things in your own live that you can have a modicum of control over.
Of course there are always going to be things that happen that will make people mad at us. Driving a car and slipping on ice and causing a dent in someone's fender is going to make them mad. Making a mistake at work that cost the company money is going to mean that the boss is not going to be too happy with you. Sometimes all we can do is learn from our mistakes, admit error in judgment and move on. Good intentions are not enough to make us perfect.

But overall, focusing on how to make others happy is a good way to get other people to like us. Put on deodorant. Smile. Say please and thank you. Perform some light hearted task when entering into a room, like Ellen does at the beginning of her show.
It is not rocket science.
And most of all, forgive yourself when you screw up, just like you would forgive the people you want to have like you when they screw up. People who want people to like them normally do not hold a grudge against them, so do yourself the same favor.

That is probably the hardest part. Forgiving others is a lot easier in comparison to forgiving yourself. It might help to recognize that that inner voice of self-condemnation is not the voice of God-God is better than you after all. As much as you forgive others for their mess-ups, God forgives you to a factor of seventy times seven. God does like you. You know that to be true. It is the voice of the devil that is expressing his contempt. Recognize that the voice of the devil is not the voice of God.
And when the devil doesn't like you, that is usually a good sign that you are on the right path.

Dear Ben Collyer. We all need to be loved and accepted. God is Love and God Loves us. Jesus died for us, now we can be the children which our Heavenly Father wants. The Bible tells us in Matthew 22: 35-40: The first and great Commandment is: Love God with all thy heart, with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. God wants loving and caring sons and daughters. In Matthew 7: 7-10: we are told; Ask and you shall receive, we ask and receive the Love and Compassion which God wants us to have , and share. Love is very catching, Ben, and Love will always make us God`s beloved men and women. God is Love, we ask for love, then we share all love with each other. God will always Bless us, and Satan and his followers will run away from all LOVE and Compassion. Why not try it? Give up ALL selfish wishes and wants, ask God for Love and Compassion, then share it all with our neighbour; all we meet and all we know. Love grows and love will always be the victor. Let us try to be the sons and and daughters which God wants, let us LOVE GOD first, then love and treat all we know and all we meet, as we would love to be treated. Let us chase Satan and his followers away. Why not truly try it, Love is very catching, and God is Love. Let us follow Jesus back to our Heavenly Father, and Love God and love each other, God will ALWAYS help and and guide us. We ask and be given. I say this with love, Ben. Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.

the desire to be loved should produce the motivation to be lovable.

Ben Collyer said:

Hi all, I am 26 years old and am very insecure within myself, and my happiness hinges on weather people like me or not, I was rejected and bullied extensively growing up and well into my adulthood.

I believe that a lot of my thought patterns are distorted or maladaptive. and im trying to work on that but its so much effort and it doesn't seem to work.

it also doesn't help that I don't even believe God loves me ...I know it in my head...but not my heart...and so I'm always seeking approval from others...reading self books on social anxiety, looking up articles on being more likeable, feeling happier temporarily until something happens that makes me think i'm not liked and then i sink into a severe depression for which im on medication and have therapy.

I wish I knew what the core of this issue is so I can work on it. I pray that God will give me the answers through this post.

Click to expand...

God's answer to you is Jesus Christ, my friend. He died for your sin and rose again for your justification. (Romans 4:25) God demonstrated His love for us when Christ died for us when we were still sinners (Romans 5:8)

This is the bedrock of Gods love for you. To comprehend Gods love for you start in His word and pray these scriptures over yourself, substituting us and we and ours for me and my and I.

Romans 4:25 He was delivered over to death for my sins and was raised to life for my justification

Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for me in this: While I was still a sinner, Christ died for me

Pray these over yourself every day. Ask God to cleanse you from all doubt and unbelief. The Spirit will work in your life and change your heart to understand His love:

Romans 8:37-39

Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. 38 For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, 39 nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord

Dear Ben Collyer. We all have a need to be accepted, and Jesus died that we might live. God is Love, and God wants loving sons and daughters. Love is very catching, and love will overcome all evils. God is Love, and what does God want from us? God wants loving and obedient sons and daughters. Love is very catching, and God is Love. Jesus died out of love for us, now let us live and show our Heavenly Father, that we want to be His loving and obedient men and women. Always let us remember that God is Love and Loves us. The Bible tells us: Give up our selfish and unloving wishes and wants, it is what what God wants, and what Jesus died for. Love is very catching, and love will help us overcome all evils, and bad tongues. We ask for love and compassion, ( in Matthew 7: 7-10 we ask and we shall receive. Jesus died that we might live, let us all ask for love, then thank God and share all Love with our neighbour. God wants loving sons and daughters, Love is very catching, love is all around us if we ask for it. Why not try it Ben? Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.

Jesus did not leave His place in Heaven and come to earth to die for a few. He suffered and died that all might be saved. He suffered and died because He loves all of us and wants to spend eternity with all of us in Heaven. God created each of us different and has a specific plan that He created for each one of us before we were even born. God expresses His love for us beautifully in Psalm 139. In Psalm 139:13-16 (You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed), we see how each one of our lives were thought out and planned by Him before our birth. What we might perceive as weaknesses, He created as strengths to accomplish His specific plan. When we desire to be different than He intended, we unconsciously tell God He doesn't know what He's doing. It's natural to desire acceptance from men, but I am telling you from experience that nothing compares to the feeling of acceptance from God and knowing that I am exactly who He wants me to be. The more I please Him and the less I please man, The more fulfilling this life becomes. When we compare ourselves with people we might be jealous of, we limit God's work through us. We start to think we're not good enough because of our perceived inadequacies. We don't allow God to fulfill His will in our lives due to a fear of rejection from those we seek acceptance from, even though God created us to glorify Him and not man. It is also important to know that through our weakness we are made strong through Him. The apostle Paul explains this well in 2 Corinthians 12:9. Also, when we live our life in Christ, we are not rejected by others, but it is Christ who lives in us who is rejected. I hope this is helpful.

Ben Collyer said:

Hi all, I am 26 years old and am very insecure within myself, and my happiness hinges on weather people like me or not, I was rejected and bullied extensively growing up and well into my adulthood.

I believe that a lot of my thought patterns are distorted or maladaptive. and im trying to work on that but its so much effort and it doesn't seem to work.

it also doesn't help that I don't even believe God loves me ...I know it in my head...but not my heart...and so I'm always seeking approval from others...reading self books on social anxiety, looking up articles on being more likeable, feeling happier temporarily until something happens that makes me think i'm not liked and then i sink into a severe depression for which im on medication and have therapy.

I wish I knew what the core of this issue is so I can work on it. I pray that God will give me the answers through this post.

Click to expand...

Of first and greatest importance - have you accepted the free gift of eternal life that Jesus Christ offers? It is not enough to have head knowledge of who Jesus is. Likewise, you cannot rely on your "feelings" either.



From God's word you must understand you are a sinner and there is no hope of eternal life on your own. You can try, try, try, try but you will never be good enough to earn your way into heaven. Jesus Christ, who is God in the flesh, died to pay the penalty for your sins, and He offers eternal life to you as a free gift. You must accept that you need His offer, you must also accept the reality of who He is, and then you must repent of your sinfulness (turn from your sinfulness and turn to God). I your own words tell this to God, and tell Him you accept Jesus' offer of salvation. Then by faith trust 2 Cor 5:17. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

With that securely in place, I can only tell you what I have done in my own struggle to feel of any value or worth, and to experientially know that I am loved by God, and that He desires good things for me (for each one of us, you included). I have prayed Psalm 25:4-5 for several years, sometimes many times within a day. God has heard and answered those heartfelt prayers. It has been truly miraculous and divine what God has done for me since I've been praying Scripture to Him.

God directed me to the godly and balanced teachings of Charles F Stanley, of InTouch.org. Thru iTunes I listen to his daily podcasts. God has used this man in tremendous ways. Just recently he taught on the very things you mention you struggle with: knowing if God really loves you. The specific podcast was entitled "You are Justified." It helped me greatly.

Pray earnestly, Ben, and stay in God's word. The truth will set you free. Learn God's promises that pertain to you. Memorize them, meditate on them. Hide them in your heart. You will begin to see your life turn around.