The Lame Joke Thread
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forest flower
His beloved daughter
Did you know that five out of three people have trouble with fractions?
Why did the elephant paint his toenails different colors? So he could hide in the M&M dish without being seen!
If a athlete get's athlete's foot what does an astronaut get? Mistle Toe.
Why did the elephant paint his toenails different colors? So he could hide in the M&M dish without being seen!
If a athlete get's athlete's foot what does an astronaut get? Mistle Toe.
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Daughter of His
Believing God
Why do chicken coops have two doors?
Because if they had four, they'd be chicken sedans!
Because if they had four, they'd be chicken sedans!
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forest flower
His beloved daughter
A man goes into a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink.
The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog."
"Oh man,” the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.
Another guy walks into the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog."
The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"
The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs."
The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What??! They gave me a Chihuahua??!"
The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog."
"Oh man,” the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.
Another guy walks into the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog."
The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"
The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs."
The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What??! They gave me a Chihuahua??!"
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forest flower
His beloved daughter
Not a lame joke but several practical ones. There are 5 in this video.
Best of Just For Laughs Gags - Most Crazy Complex Pranks - YouTube
Best of Just For Laughs Gags - Most Crazy Complex Pranks - YouTube
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Trupurpose
Newbie
Did you know Jesus and the apostles had a car?
Yeah, they were all in one accord.
Yeah, they were all in one accord.
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forest flower
His beloved daughter
TOP 10 SIGNS YOU MAY NOT BE READING YOUR BIBLE ENOUGH
[SIZE=+1][SIZE=-1]--10 The Preacher announces the sermon is from Galatians ... and you check the table of contents. [/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1][SIZE=-1]--9 You think Abraham, Isaac and Jacob may have had a few hit songs during the 60's. [/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1][SIZE=-1]--8 You open to the Gospel of Luke and a WWII Savings Bond falls out. [/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1][SIZE=-1]--7 Your favorite Old Testament patriarch is Hercules. [/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1][SIZE=-1]--6 A small family of woodchucks has taken up residence in Psalms. [/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1][SIZE=-1]--5 You become frustrated because Charlton Heston isn't listed in either the concordance or the table of contents. [/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1][SIZE=-1]--4 Catching the kids reading the Song of Solomon, you demand: "Who gave you this stuff?" [/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1][SIZE=-1]--3 You think the minor prophets worked in the quarries. [/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1][SIZE=-1]--2 You keep falling for it every time when pastor tells you to turn to First Condominiums.[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1][SIZE=-1]And the No. 1 sign you may not be reading your Bible enough:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1][SIZE=-1]1) The kids keep asking too many questions about your usual bedtime story: "Jonah the Shepherd Boy and His Ark of Many Colors."[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1][SIZE=-1]--10 The Preacher announces the sermon is from Galatians ... and you check the table of contents. [/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1][SIZE=-1]--9 You think Abraham, Isaac and Jacob may have had a few hit songs during the 60's. [/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1][SIZE=-1]--8 You open to the Gospel of Luke and a WWII Savings Bond falls out. [/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1][SIZE=-1]--7 Your favorite Old Testament patriarch is Hercules. [/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1][SIZE=-1]--6 A small family of woodchucks has taken up residence in Psalms. [/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1][SIZE=-1]--5 You become frustrated because Charlton Heston isn't listed in either the concordance or the table of contents. [/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1][SIZE=-1]--4 Catching the kids reading the Song of Solomon, you demand: "Who gave you this stuff?" [/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1][SIZE=-1]--3 You think the minor prophets worked in the quarries. [/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1][SIZE=-1]--2 You keep falling for it every time when pastor tells you to turn to First Condominiums.[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1][SIZE=-1]And the No. 1 sign you may not be reading your Bible enough:[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[SIZE=+1][SIZE=-1]1) The kids keep asking too many questions about your usual bedtime story: "Jonah the Shepherd Boy and His Ark of Many Colors."[/SIZE][/SIZE]
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nathanielb1984
Member
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forest flower
His beloved daughter
Sleeping in church
A man sobering up from the night before is sitting through the
Sunday sermon, finding it long and boring. Still feeling hung over and tired, he finally nods off.
The priest has been watching him all along, noticing his apparent
hangover and is disgusted. At the end of the sermon, the preacher decides to make an example of him.
He says to his congregation, "All those wishing to have a place in
heaven, please stand."
The whole room stands up except, of course, the sleeping man.
Then the preacher says even more loudly, "And he who would like to
find a place in hell please STAND UP!"
The weary man catching only the last part groggily stands up, only to find that he's the only one standing.
Confused and embarrassed he says, "I don't know what we're voting on here, Father, but it sure seems like you and me are the only ones standing for it!"
http://www.christian-jokes.net/Jokes/Church-Jokes/117-Sleeping-in-church.aspx
A man sobering up from the night before is sitting through the
Sunday sermon, finding it long and boring. Still feeling hung over and tired, he finally nods off.
The priest has been watching him all along, noticing his apparent
hangover and is disgusted. At the end of the sermon, the preacher decides to make an example of him.
He says to his congregation, "All those wishing to have a place in
heaven, please stand."
The whole room stands up except, of course, the sleeping man.
Then the preacher says even more loudly, "And he who would like to
find a place in hell please STAND UP!"
The weary man catching only the last part groggily stands up, only to find that he's the only one standing.
Confused and embarrassed he says, "I don't know what we're voting on here, Father, but it sure seems like you and me are the only ones standing for it!"
http://www.christian-jokes.net/Jokes/Church-Jokes/117-Sleeping-in-church.aspx
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worshipgirl0410
Worshipgirl0410
Oh My Word! My brother used to have a t-shirt that had that joke on it and at that time I didnt know what binary was so i totally didnt get it then. that is so funny! i thought that my brother was the only person in the world wierd enough to say somethinng like that! lol.
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worshipgirl0410
Worshipgirl0410
Ok this is for people who know french.
So the 123 cat and the un duh twah cat were having a swimming race. who won?
the 123 cat won cause the un duh twah cat sanc.
P.S Sorry if the numbers are spelled wrong i have no idea how to spell them only how to say them.
So the 123 cat and the un duh twah cat were having a swimming race. who won?
the 123 cat won cause the un duh twah cat sanc.
P.S Sorry if the numbers are spelled wrong i have no idea how to spell them only how to say them.
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worshipgirl0410
Worshipgirl0410
I died and when to heaven. While there i started talking to Saint Peter. I looked on the wall and saw a bunch of clocks. Confused I asked what they were for. "These are lie clocks" Answered Peter. "There is one for every person on earth" He showed me Mother Teresa's and the hands had never moved indicating that she had never lied. He also showed me Abe Lincoln's which had only moved once. "Where is Barack Obama's?" I asked. Peter replied. "In Jesus office. He uses that one as a ceiling fan."
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Metalhead4Christ
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- Apr 16, 2012
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll around in mud, then cross the road again?
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Because he was a dirty double-crosser!
Knock knock.
(who's there?)
Eutychus.
(Eutychus who?)
Eutychus too if you fell out of a window!
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Because he was a dirty double-crosser!
Knock knock.
(who's there?)
Eutychus.
(Eutychus who?)
Eutychus too if you fell out of a window!
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Daughter of His
Believing God
What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on him?
nothing, but he wined a little bit
nothing, but he wined a little bit
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