The Excuse Game

[public hermit]

I can. The check is in the mail.

Can you help me be honest?

 

[Chesterton]

No, but I can try to hack the polygraph machine.

Can you help me break my addiction to Coca Cola?

 

[Yusuphhai]

1. Yeah, if I can send you to North Korea in Dream.
2. No, It is your free choice.
3. Yes or No, if you have a new addiction which can replace instead or Not.

Excuse me, can you help me come back to Israel?

 

[Chesterton]

All I can do is point you to the train station.

Help me get this grand piano up three flights of stairs?

 

[Vap841]

I’m pretty serious about my training regimen, unless you’re at least on the 25th floor it’s not worth my time to break away from the gym.


Please EMP proof my entire home in case of a societal collapse level solar flare.

 

[Chesterton]

Why? If your home and society both collapse, you'll probably get the day off work!

Will you test fly my new wingsuit? I made it myself.

 

[Vap841]

My peers treat me like royalty after catching the Great Leonopteryx, so to fly on anything inferior now is to just jeopardize my untarnished legacy.

I think that the movie Super Size Me was propaganda, please eat nothing but McDonalds for the next 30 days to prove to everyone that it’s healthy.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

That won't prove anything. The sample size is far too small to show statistical significance. No, we must ban all non McDonald's food so that the entire population only eats McDonald's for sufficient strength.

Buy me some McDonald's stock

 

[Chesterton]

I'll do you better than stock, how about McDonald's livestock? 'Cause you know old McDonald had a farm EIEIO. (You can buy a vowel separately.)

Milk my cow.

 

[Vap841]

I would if I haven’t done so much high profile cow tipping in my past, me stepping foot onto that field is about as dangerous as a vacation to Ukraine wearing an “I love Putin” t-shirt and hat.


I’m training for a wheel barrel race, grab my feet and run around the neighborhood with me for a few hours.

 

[public hermit]

I would, but I'm currently engaged in a three-legged race, and my partner keeps trying to go the other way.

Will you be my friend? I need one who will cooperate.

 

[Vap841]

Naturally my cooperation with friends corresponds to the order in which they were added as my Facebook Friend, so yes you can become my 267th friend, but with 266 friends ahead of you the cooperation outlook is pretty bleak.


For my amusement dress up like a clown and stare into my neighbor’s house, he’s terrified of them.

 

[Chesterton]

I am a professional clown 9 to 5. It was the only work I could find since I was born with feet which actually are 20 inches long and 8 inches wide. I love my job and take it seriously (honk honk), but the last thing I want to do is bring my work home with me.

Can you help me convince everyone that the Earth really is flat?

 

[Vap841]

I’ve already put those days behind me, what especially drove me crazy about trying to convince everyone that the Earth is flat was how frustrating it was trying to get through to babies, and to people who didn’t speak English.


Stop working so hard, take the next few months off and party.

 

[joymercy]

I'm too busy the next few months as I will be on SpaceX working on a top secret mission, that will take us back to 1999

please reassign twitter to sparrow

 

[Chesterton]

It's too late. The devolution of humans can't be stopped. We're already tweeting and soon we'll be living in nests. The best you can hope for is that your great grandchildren will be pterodactyls.

Please bring back the dinosaurs.

 

[joymercy]

My dear Chesterton, it was impossible to fit their big phat butts into the Waay Back Machine!

Please, make life find a way......

 

[Chesterton]

No, I will not play God, especially if it results in more really big animals that can eat me.

Let's go to Disneyworld.

 

[lucypevensie]

I’m afraid of Goofy.

Will you phone Dollar Tree to see if it’s open?

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Money doesn't grow on trees.

Help me carry my heavy bags of gold coin, please?