The Excuse Game

[Chesterton]

Yes, but you'll have to wait about 360 days plus some minutes.

Will you give my dog a bath?

 

[peaceful-forest]

I can't because I've never owned a dog.

Will you go grocery shopping for me?

 

[Yusuphhai]

If you give me an airplane ticket to U.S.

Can you help me translate the sign language of the chimpanzee in Beijing Zoo into English?

 

[peaceful-forest]

I'm not able to because I've never been on an airplane before.

Will you install a video game for me?

 

[Chesterton]

No. Adults should not play video games. The only games an adult should play are chess and poker. Maybe a little gin rummy if you're just killing time.

Help me remodel my home?

 

[peaceful-forest]

I only know how to remodel in the Sims...

Will you cook my favorite meal for me?

 

[Chesterton]

No, Cheetos don't need to be cooked.

Walk my giraffe for me?

 

[peaceful-forest]

I'm too short to walk a giraffe.

Can you find another job for me?

 

[Chesterton]

Yes! My bathroom needs cleaning, but it's a volunteer position.

Make me a sandwich.

 

[public hermit]

I would but the last person I turned into a sandwich became a BLT without the B. I still feel bad about that.

Would you mind loaning me $10? I'm feeling like bacon tonight.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

I would, but I only have Monopoly money.

Can I get a volunteer to help move furnture?

 

[public hermit]

I would but nothing I do is moving. I do have a friend who can sing a moving rendition of "Old Man River."

Would you mind singing me a lullaby?

 

[Chesterton]

I would, but I've been told my singing is very boring, so it might put you to sleep.

Mow my lawn?

 

[public hermit]

I would but I'm constitutionally incapable of lifting a finger, which the doctor says comes from being useless.

Would you cheer me up?

 

[Chesterton]

Sorry. I'm all out of booze.

Would you organize my 80,000 undeleted e-mails for me?

 

[public hermit]

I would, but I'm busy deleting my 80,000 organized emails.

I'm currently deleting emails, and there's a lot of them. While I do that, would you mind chunking this computer out the window? Thanks.

 

[Chesterton]

I believe defenestration is a sin.

My house is on fire. Would you put it out please?

 

[Carrilynn]

I'm sorry, I'm not able to put out your fire, I have a lottery ticket I need to go turn-in.

Oh-no, my lottery ticket failed. Could someone come join me and help me win a different game?

 

[Chesterton]

Well the only game I was ever good at was Russian Roulette, and having won the game one time, I thought it best to retire.

Will you fly me to Mars?