The Excuse Game

[Sam91]

I can't, I'm sat at the doctors. Couldn't you empty a bucket of water over them (excrement if you have it works better)?

Will you place the doctor's surgery in a bubble outside of ordinary time so I can get to my bible study that starts about 10? We normally arrive about now for fellowship before we study.

 

[Chesterton]

Just have the doctor perform the surgery at the bible study. They'll just have to talk a little louder so you can hear over the anesthesia.

Will you please ask President Trump to stop being so overly civil and polite?

 

[gennypearl]

No, thanks. A total waste of time and effort.

Can you tell me how to avoid jerks in the future?

 

[Chesterton]

Just ask them if they're a jerk. Some jerks are honest, self-reflective jerks. If they say "I'm a jerk", any further involvement with them is on you.

Come on, it's time to shave the cat.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

colder weather is coming. that would be a cat-astrophe.

be with me in my loneliness.

 

[mama2one]

sorry, can't since I'm a dog person



stop time for a little while

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

no can yada. people here that actually go by schedules would get ticked off.

get me there

 

[Sam91]

Sorry, I'm going the other direction.

Write my essay about the history of psychology?

 

[LaSorcia]

That's old news to me. I'd be bored to tears.

Try this new hair conditioner.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

/sniff
No thanks. It smells like poo

Hug?

 

[Sam91]

I would but I'm scared of your cat

Teach my daughter to tidy her room. I've tried for years.

 

[mama2one]

oops bad advice

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

If you read all the latest theories, they are all about Order arising spontaneously from Chaos in Nature, so if we wait long enough, her room will apparently tidy itself.

Bake some dinosaur cookies where the Sauropod heads don't constantly break off.

 

[Chesterton]

I'm a man. The Lord made women for baking cookies. Says so right there in The Good Book. (The Good Book is the title of my latest work.)

Please stop these ladies from throwing things at me!

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

you didn't yell loud enough.

tip the waiter

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

I've heard of cow-tipping, but how do you get the waiter to stand still long enough to do it? Won't he just stand up again?

Call in sick to work today.

 

[Chesterton]

I really can't. During my tenure with this company I've called in sick so many times that I've run out of sicknesses. I've used every ailment known to man, and I've had to start making up new ones. They sounded doubtful yesterday when I called in complaining of a dislocated buttock.

Bathe my dog.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

I don't understand what euphemism you are trying to use, and quite frankly, I don't want to. The implications are too frightening.

Speak plainly.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

no can yada. i must win this war on talking turkey.

christmas early?

 

[LaSorcia]

Nope, the funds are not budgeted for gift giving in September.

Here, try these ginger capsules for your inflammation.