The Excuse Game

[Quid est Veritas?]

No thanks. I tried starting a fire with them before - no luck.

Let's raise the roof!

 

[mama2one]

sorry, only possible in Jesus' time (Mark 2:4)



stop all this nonsense

 

[DavidFirth]

But nonsense is fun! Just ask @Dirk1540 if you don't believe me.

Cut my hedges, mow the lawn and take out the trash, please!

 

[public hermit]

I would, but you said "please."

You should run for office.

 

[Chesterton]

I'm not a good liar.

Please fix my computer.

 

[LaSorcia]

I don't take on hopeless causes.

Let's start making a list of New Year's resolutions. It's already October.

 

[public hermit]

No thanks, that would just promote more bad excuses.

Let's make/buy and eat a cherry pie today.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

How can I make/buy? The verb makes no sense. Am I to create a sale? Must I fashion a financial transaction? Seems vaguely communist, as if you are trying to tell me to seize the means of production and overthrow the current economic fiscal system. Huh, are you a Red?

Let us start the counter-revolution before these commie-nazis destroy us all.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Where are our uniforms?

Be bout it bout it.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

I no longer speak street.

Get out of here, you ragamuffin! Bring me my bag of potpourri to cleanse my nostrils of the stench of the common hoi polloi.

 

[LaSorcia]

I sold all my bags of potpourri to plague-fearers.

Bring out your dead!

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

No. I worked hard to kill them. They are mine. You can't have any dead.

I demand a shrubbery!

 

[LaSorcia]

I have not a herring with which to cut down a shrubbery.

Please stay hidden! Do you realize the importance of not being seen?

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

I've realised that as long as no one looks at me, and I don't look at myself, I am invisible.

Please distract everyone, so that no one is looking in my direction.

 

[Chesterton]

I am already naturally distracting approximately half the people around you with my aforementioned good looks. You'll have to get a Rec Room lady to distract the men.

Help me turn some misconceptions into common misconceptions.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

I am sorry, the standard Western worldview is already merely a tissue of misconceptions. I would be unable to differentiate between your misconceptions and ones I need to pretend to take seriously.

Let's go listen to my friend Jeremiah. I never understand a word he says, but he always has some mighty fine wine.

 

[Chesterton]

He probably wouldn't be too happy to see me. Yesterday I ate his family's legs.

Help me decide who to vote for.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

No need. My buddies and I in the backroom have already decided who is going to win all the elections through to 2047.

Could you shred some documents for me?

 

[Sam91]

I'm sorry but I (in all truthfulness) read an article today saying that shredding paper is bad because the recycling sorting machines can't separate it out from the other recyclable waste.

Teach me how to compost

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

I tried composting, but for some reason the city didn't allow me to leave massive mounds of rotting material on my front lawn. I was told organic matter would be best, so I went to all the trouble of collecting all the severed limbs from the hospitals in my area, too.

Explain where the UK is with getting the Brexit done.