The Excuse Game

[LaSorcia]

That's so extravagant. Just jump in that sandbox your kid is standing in. That will be a sure fix.



I need a cure. Why can't I be you?

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Aren't you me? Am I not you? I am having trouble keeping the voices straight.

Could you be a dear and jerry-rig a home Electroconvulsive Therapy setup?

 

[LaSorcia]

Feeling lazy today. How about using this TENS unit instead?

Please call an ambulance. Someone just fainted.

 

[*LILAC]

Just use the TENS unit cranked on high to jolt them up again.

I'm thirsty, I neeeeed someone to fetch me a drink.

 

[mama2one]

I can't but will send the dog right over



please return dog after you reward her with biscuits

 

[LaSorcia]

I only have sausage biscuits with gravy, and your chihuahua is fat enough already.

Let's watch a good mystery film.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Most films are a good mystery - how on earth did they allow such dreck to be made? Alas, the exposition of the mystery is hardly forthcoming.

Could you come to work on time for once?

 

[LaSorcia]

No, if something is worth doing right, it's worth doing properly. If it's worth arriving at work on time once, it's worth doing all the time, and I just don't see myself doing that.

Please stop pestering me about my faults; look to the log in your own eye.

 

[Dirk1540]

You seem to be getting worse & worse at taking scripture out of context. The historical and cultural context of Matthew chapter 7 has absolutely nothing to do with “An unsuccessful tennis serve that does not start the point because the ball does not land in the opponent's designated service box.”



Please invent a shot, that when injected into your bloodstream repels all insects within a 50 yard radius.

 

[LaSorcia]

I'm too busy right now. I have about 250,000 fuse beads that I need to sort by colour and then put into a nicely partitioned crafting box. I expect to be busy with this until the end of summer.

I need someone to go with me to an event at my church: "50 + ways to prepare tuna salad". They need a judge for all these tuna salads to see who wins the blue ribbon.

 

[Tom 1]

I would but...tune a salad? Tune a guitar, ok, tune an engine, ok fair enough if I have time. Tune a salad? No.

What’s this business of using burrito as a verb? Explain it to me.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

You can summer, can't you? Birds can winter, can't they? So I can burrito if I want to. You can't explain the meaning without doing violence to the semantics. Sufficed to say, you burrito when mexicaning the border, or quesadilla upon the corn-grind. I can't Johnson it any more clearly than that.

Help me burn my books before they come for me.

 

[LaSorcia]

I think you forgot your clozapine. Your books don't have legs, therefore they can't come for you. Besides, they told me personally that they're your friends.

Please check the stove at least 17 times to make sure it's really turned off.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

I already pay 7 companies, and have 16 separate CCTV systems to monitor the stove. I'm good, thanks... Maybe I'll just check it one more time...

Help! I left the stove on and now my house is on fire! Call the fire brigade!

 

[gennypearl]

I haven't been able to pay my phone bills for a decade now. I don't have the means to do it.

Can you help me come up with ideas on how to express annoyance?

 

[Sam91]

I would but you didn't ask on the advice thread.

Can someone give me a lift to church please?

 

[mama2one]

sorry, any other day but today
on my way to help @Quid est Veritas? put out a fire



help me carry these heavy fire extinguishers

 

[LaSorcia]

Sorry, chivalry is dead.

Don't miss church today!

 

[gennypearl]

Oops, the last mass is at 7. I am 50 minutes late already.

Help me forget bad memories

 

[DavidFirth]

Just get a good size hammer and...

Help genny recover from hitting herself in the head with a hammer.