The Excuse Game

[Chesterton]

But that's what everyone expects from me.

Fluff my pillows.

 

[LaSorcia]

Ask me tomorrow.

How do I explain to a foreigner that it's rude to keep burping at the dinner table?

 

[lucypevensie]

Who's to say that your culture is right and his is wrong? You should spread cultural awareness by practicing others' traditions and encouraging your kids to do so also.

I need to wash my blanket, but how will I stay warm while the blanket is in the laundry?

 

[LaSorcia]

Turn on your oven, open it and sit on the door. But that's not an excuse.

Let's go camping when it snows.

 

[Chesterton]

Um, can I re-use "Let's not and say we did"?

Can I borrow your lawnmower?

 

[LaSorcia]

To me, 'lawnmower' is what I call my kitchen shears in the summer months. That's probably smaller than you had in mind.

I need to practice my arm-wrestling skills. Please help me out.

 

[MrNoodle]

Your "Arnold Govenator" arms are too much for me! You big bully!

please sir, do you have a shilling for a young man?

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Tut tut, ol'chap. In my day, we use to have to take the King's Schilling for a schilling, and get shipped off to some forsaken hellhole to fight fuzzy-wuzzies or to help keep China British. If you don't don the colours, or at least grow manly muttonchops, you're not getting a shiny penny off of me, by Jove!

Why didn't you shampoo the carpet?

 

[gennypearl]

the last time i did, it demanded conditioner. i have no room for brats.

can you repeat what you said?

 

[LaSorcia]

I shouldn't have said it even once, I'm certainly not repeating it. That's the last time I'll ever mix... oh never mind.

Will you run over hill, over dale, through bush, through brier for me?

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

Madam, the only of those people I know is George Bush and Benny Hill and I don't like stepping on strangers to get ahead, especcially not famous ones who therefore deserve more consideration than the hoi polloi.

Why don't you go back to school?

 

[LaSorcia]

I did try to, honest. But after the expulsion, they started taking out restraining orders on me after I showed up and refused to depart.

Will you buy me one perfect rose? Or one perfect limousine?

 

[gennypearl]

but i was told nothing is perfect. please stop confusing me.

can you pluck your eyebrows?

 

[gennypearl]

.

 

[LaSorcia]

You know, my SO says my unibrow is cute and I believe him.

Show me around your country.

 

[gennypearl]

that's 7,107 islands. i'm not a millionaire.

filter what your SO is telling you.

 

[LaSorcia]

I tried that once, but he wasn't too happy about the plunger on his face.

Gosh, I really need some help with gentleness and kindness.

 

[gennypearl]

sorry, you're talking to maleficent right now.

take care of yourself.

 

[LaSorcia]

I'm too sick to do that.

Tuck me in.

 

[gennypearl]

really? i would expect a grandma to say that and you ain't one. wait, are you?

excuse me.