Temporary Separation

[AirForceTeacher]

I know, but I feel so unwilling to change, but I want God to give me the will. This personality disorder is so strong, I don't feel like I can surmount it. I know I can't, and I feel so distant from God I don't even know He exists right now. I know I believe, but I don't know if I believe.

Daily, hourly,calling to to God for His help and presence.

 

[cjba]

AFT,

You are focusing on the personality disorder. You need to let this go. Before you even knew there was a name for your condition you were at the point of only the following: 1. Getting your wife back and 2. Getting right with God. These two should remain your focus in reverse order. Continue your reading and counseling. You know you believe otherwise you would not even question. You are fighting yourself with everything you got. This will only drain you. You need to let your mind rest with the idea of the "personality disorder" Yes, this needs addressing put once you get yourself right with Him beleive me everything else falls into place. This season in your life is only temporary, don't let this destroy who you are and who you want to be. You're in my prayers.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

I knew about the PD before the separation, I was just in denial, although I knew the counselor was right. I know I've got to focus on God, I've got to put my mind on Him daily. My wife started reading "The Purpose Driven Life." I plan on reading it too. I hope I can set aside my self-centeredness enough to get something out of the book.

Thanks for your prayers, you're in my prayers too.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Read a good book today (when I was supposed to be studying - ugh)

Glimpse of Jesus - The Stranger to Self-Hatred.

Talks about looking at yourslef the way God looks at you - total compassion and love, acceptance for where you are right now, along with the desire to move you further, but acceptance whether you move or not.

I know a big part of my problem is trusting God. I need to keep working on surrender to Him based upon His unbelievable love for us.

 

[cjba]

"The Purpose Driven Life" is a great book. This book sure did open my eyes. At work one of the owners read the book and got so much out of it that she gave one to everyone that did not have one. Well you didn't do your studying you needed something more at that time. Good luck witht he studying and keep praying. I know its hard to trust God when we have problems. We feel as why is he letting this happen to us. What we must remember is that we did this to ourselves. He gave us a mind to choose and make our own decisions. He gave us the mind to acknowledge when we did or do something wrong. He gave us the mind to correct this and change to be a better person. He gives all the chances we need to get it right.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Hard appointment with the counselor today. Very panicky today. Please pray for me and my wife to have faith in God's hand on us.

 

[oldrooster]

Hope all went well today with your counseling session !!!

 

[AirForceTeacher]

My wife reassured me last night that she was in this for the long haul, that she's not planning on leaving me. Today, I went over to the house for Easter baskets, but couldn't stop hanging on her, and she got irritated. I'm just having a difficult time relying on God. When I hear about God's love for me, I either think a) He's not real, b) He's real, but He'd never love me like that or c) He just wants to control me, as soon as I give in I'm done for.

My pride is so strong. I need to give in to Him, but I don't know if I can. My wife told me last night to stop "scurrying around" like a rabbit, to "Be still and know that He is God." She's reading in John right now, over and over again studying the passage where Jesus tells the disciples that there's so much He wants to tell them but they're not ready yet. My wife said I'm trying too hard, trying to push God's hand.

My counselor's got me under the gun. Two books, nothing else, stop looking all over (hmm, same thing my wife said last night.) Abba's Child and Strength in Weakness

 

[cjba]

Sometimes we do try to hard when we want our spouse back. We long to have what we had before even though we had problems and knew that the relationship was in "damage mode". What we had was better than what we have now. At least we had the closeness. We try to give this to God and yet feel; why is He putting us through this? Is this to have a better marriage with our spouse? Is this to seperate us permantely from our spouse? Is this to tell us we'll have another spouse in our future like so many other people? What does all this mean? I feel this is to get us connected with Him and ourselves. To get a better relationship with Him. Maybe this is to get us to take the time to take a look at ourselves. Maybe this is to give us the message that something in our lives is not quite right and He wants us to rely Him. He wants us to have faith in Him. All we can do is give this to Him and let him decide our fate. For He already knows what our future holds. All we can do is go along for the ride and have faith that He knows what He is doing with us. For who else can we give this to? Have faith. I'm keeping you in prayer.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Yes, faith. I'm sitting here trying to see a future where I'm happy, with or w/o my wife, but that's not faith, that's clarity, and we're not promised that. I need to have the faith to submit to God today, and let tomorrow be tomorrow. That's not easy, especially for me. I've got to try to just submit to him and trust today. Man, I hate that!

 

[cjba]

I understand how hard this is to let all this go and have faith. Especially when the flesh is so hurt and confused. I have been going through my situation for 2 years now and I still have to take a step back, take a deep breath and then let it go. Otherwise I truly don't believe I would still be married. All I can do is keep trying to have faith. The one thing I do know this situation is not forever. This will either bring the relationship closer and unite the two of you or seperate you. If you can trust God and when your wife is already doing so, I feel that you will be together with your wife one day. Keep praying.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Faith is slippery for me. Today, I feel a quiet confidnce in His presence. No fireworks, no warm fuzzies, just a knowledge that He is there. I know I'm still basing a lot of my faith on the faith that I'll get my wife back, but God still loves me, and I beleive He can work with what I have. I'm praying for the grace to increase my faith, the presence of God to build my confidence and desire for Him.

How is your counseling going, cj?

 

[kaycey]

Hi, feeling lonely so stopped by.

 

[cjba]

AFT,

I'm glad to hear that you have a quiet confidence today. Remember as long as you are taking baby steps...you will get there. As for our counseling.....I don't know if this made our situation better or worse. My hubby will now say "I love you" after I have told him these words. The problem is that our counselor told him that he must do this even if this is not what he is feeling. It's very hard for me to see this as a step ahead. My hubby told me that when he tells me he loves me; he is doing what he is suppose to do to work on the relationship. I asked him, "How do you feel when you tell me these words"? His response, is that he is acknowledging what I have said. Now I feel as why am I suppose to accept lies? I do give my hubby credit for trying. But I feel that I am distancing myself from the relationship. Too much hurt and tears. I continue to pray that God will not harden my heart to accept the effort my hubby is now putting into the marriage. I know I should be grateful for the positive change. God has begun to answer my prayers to see something positive. After all this is something positive. But, I tell you that flesh...sure does get in the way.

 

[oldrooster]

Just remember that even if she does not come back, everything will still work out.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Keep trying, cj. I think he'll come around if you both act out love toward each other. Acting out kindness can breed more kindness and fondness.

I know how you are feeling right now. My wife is very tense around me. Today I went to hug her and she was impatient. I tried to ask her if she didn't want me to do that anymore and she said "ehh", then said she didn't want to talk about it. I want to love her by giving her what she wants unselfishly, so if she doesn't want to hug right now, I've got to suck it up and not try, to take my frustration and pain to God and friends.

I'm still praying for you and your husband to get more in touch with God's love. Have you read any of Brennan Manning's books? (Ragamuffin Gospel, Ruthless Trust, Abba's Child)

 

[jeshohaia]

It sounds like you have been talking with a secular therapist.

You are passing the blame. It still is your fault and responsiability for that explosive temper. You can choose to fight it and do what is right. Or bow down to it and let it run your being.

Its good you want to get things right with your parents. That will make you feel beter and give you a warm fuzzy feeling. But you need to change yourself. This can only be done by getting right with G-D first and foremost. Then dedicating your all to the LORD. Then you try to work on yourself. G-D works miracles. Something like removing your temper is easy for Him, if you let Him. First you have to accept that it was not your parents that caused and did the horid temper. It was you.

 

[cjba]

AFT,

How are you doing today? Thank you for the words of encouragement. I have my good and bad days as I mentioned before. From the day of my last post I decided to take every new day for what it is...new. I feel that my attitute towards my hubby has been better and as a result so has his. I completly understand what you are going through when you have so much love to pour out to your spouse and they are not ready or unwilling to receive it. If feels like a slap on the face. I have on different occasions distanced myself from my hubby. In a odd way this is what I think is bringing my hubby closer. I told my hubby that I don't want or need a marriage of lies. The selfish part of me told him I deserve better. After this my hubby is coming to me more. Today he told me again that he loves me. I again told him I don't need lies. He told me that he did mean it this time. I did'nt even know how to really take it. I just accepted it and I didn't judge it. I guess this is a good start. With your wife maybe you should still give her room. She may end up coming to you. Let God take a hold of you and let mold you to the man He wants you to become. Your wife will see the changes probably even before you do. As for the books you mentioned I have not read. I've concentrated on books of letting go and concentrating on Him. right now I am reading a Discipleship book and Putting On a Gentle & Quiet Spriit by Elizabeth George. This book give focus to 1 Peter. I take it day by day and pray for wisdom and strength. I'm beginning to have my days not so much from one extreme to another. This is a good start for me. Are you and your wife still attending marriage counseling? I'm keeping you both in my prayers. God Bless.

 

[AndresWife]

Praying for you! Nothing Is Impossible for God.. Isnt it so awesome how He can bring us to our knees, and knows exactly what will do it? God has it all in control! Keep trusting, believing and being patient, no matter what you see or dont see.

I have realized that before our marriage restoration would take place, I first needed to be changed (to put God first, NOT my husband) to be healed (from things from the past) and to grow in my faith, since I am a new believer.
We have been separated 3 years, and I am standing for our marriage to be restored. My husband hasnt filed although he has been ready to 2x but was stopped in unique ways.
I am expecting a breakthrough soon, myself, too.
Blessings

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Yes, we are still in counseling. It's gonna be a long process, and I don't think we'll be back togther very soon, but I trying to believe that God is gonna work in both of us. I'm becoming more and more aware of how selfish my "love" for her is, and how little I actually feel toward the kids. I'm actually feeling pretty bad today, and wondering if God is gonna work in me or not. I guess I have to face excatly who I am before I can change, but it's not a pretty picture right now.

Thanks for your prayers.

Thank you Andreswife also for your prayers.