Temporary Separation

[oldrooster]

All you can do is try and wait and pray, but in the end what will be will be.....

 

[cjba]

What Oldrooster wrote is very true all we can do is wait and pray. God knows where we will end up in all of this. We don't have control of our situations as we go through life. However, we do have control on how we handle our situations. Yes, this is a place to blow off steam sometimes for everyone. I know what you are going through may even be the hardest thing you ever go through in your life. But, think of how many times you have said this to yourself in other situations. At the end whatever the result was the situation was only temporary. Its hard to stay positive when the emotions are so negative. I know...but... try anyway!!!

 

[oldrooster]

Even though my marrage ended in divorce, I would not have traded the last 3 years of it for anything. The lessons that God taught me, I very much needed to learn. Look at everything as a learning expierence.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Thanks, all.

Tomorrow my wife and I are going out to lunch for my 36th birthday. Please pray that it goes well. I think she does want me back, but it feels like such a long road.


I checked a book out of the library and after reading a few chapters I decided to give a copy to my wife for her birthday. It's Max Lucado's Next Door Savior. I was going to give her the Purpose Driven Life Journal, but by the time her b-day rolls around next month, her fellowship group will be donw with the book

 

[HumbleSiPilot77]

Hello AFTeacher,

It would be a little off-topic but forgive me,

Are you an IP?

 

[cjba]

That's great that the two of you are going to celebrate together! This is defintely positive for the both of you. I hope all turns out wonderful! Have a great birthday!

God Bless.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Bush,

No, I'm finishing my master so I can teach at the Air Force Academy.

 

[HumbleSiPilot77]

Oh I see, well I have seen your name around and I thought you might be an IP. Well, ended up better I guess Thanks for your service...

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Hey, Bush, thanks for your service. I'm a prior enlisted (E-6) 1 Lt right now. 16 yrs and counting?

You?

 

[HumbleSiPilot77]

16yrs and counting wow, I haven't started counting yet

Getting ready for a proud future in the service, starts by shipping out July 6...

Will start working on the "Hellfire bird" and then will apply to fly it But Lord's will comes first rather than my own desires...

 

[eagl4]

My wife asked me to move out on Friday. Please pray for us.

She is hurt by my explosive temper, which we believe comes from the hurts my parents caused that I havn't forgiven. I also have very little faith in God and almost no relationship with him.

Right now my goal is to get back together as soon as possible. I know that's the wrong goal. Please pray that I will find the peace of God to firgive my parents and finally submit my life to God so I can grow as a Christian again. I'm entering brokenness, but I fear that in my laziness and rebellion I will avoid working on these issues and lose my favorite person on earth. I hope that in working on these issue for the wrong motive (gettign my wife back) I will connect with God enough to get the right motive (truly knowing and submitting to God)

Thanks.

That's cool that you realize that ultimatly you need God (and Christ's healing power?) I agree with some others who agree that you need counceling/ anger management classes. Just want you to know I will be praying for you. Praying for you to continue pursing God- contiuing to be broken, but having people arouind you that will come a treat you gently, with respect, and still be able to challenge you to grow. That the longing to grow, to see changes in yourself would be so great, so you would really sence God's presence.

Laziness and rebellion - that may be true- it's also hard to change the fundamental patterns of thinking and feeling when they have been ways we've grown up with.

Courage my friend- if you can, try writing some "conversations" with your parents down- unspoken ones- maybe just get some of the poison out --- let God know you're true feelings, and thast you wish for there to be truth revealed: that you would feel the uncomfortableness inside of carrying all this stuff )althoughj real) from the past

It's late and I'm beginning to get towards sleepy, so I may not be on track here- I pray I havn't affended you by what I'v said or suggested --- send andy questions/ confusion over what i'v said and i'll try to clear it up.

praying for you,
know that God sees you're true motives, and still is so willing to work with you --- He would love to see your heart restored to communication with HIm-- even if it takes a bit of time away from your wife for that to happen. Don't let the enemy cause you to have to have God use larger wake-up calls to cause you to hurt to the point where you will yearn for the chance to make the choices you'r making now.
He would loveto see you in right relationship with him, or at least in the process of giving yourself to Him, and then eventually moving into relationship (with the new skills you'v learnt) with you're wife.

You have a willing heart - let the good that is in God, and in most of your intentions - be the winning voice. Take councel from wise people -- grow inside. I'm so proud of you for admitting that inside things aren't really lined up in the proper order. Keep growing, keep praying - get understanding, Godly people around you. BIG HUG to you email me or post anytime

 

[cjba]

How are you two doing?

 

[AirForceTeacher]

ugh

 

[cjba]

I hope the situation is better than "ugh". Sometimes when we are hurting we concentrate so much on the hurt. Sometimes we end up hurting ourselves more from our thoughts than what the other person is actually doing. How are your children handling all this? Make sure that you both make time for the children. We get so involved in trying to fix the relationship and the kids are just watching mom and dad falling apart. Hopefully, they will also witness mom and dad pulling it through.


I found comfort in:
Psalm 62:1-2

My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

Psalm 62:5

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

I think the "ugh" is me. My moods are so inconsistent that she's pulling the boundaries even tighter. I don't know what's gonna happen and I'm really freaked out. I truly feel that if she left me permanently tomorrow, I'd stop caring about being a Christian entirely, like my entire reasons to be close to God is so I don't lose her. I'm sure this is a huge part of the problem.

 

[cjba]

First of all God will be there for you whether you are with your wife or not. God never leaves you or forsakes you. Even if you don't seek Him; He will wait for you and be there when you become ready again. He waits and waits until we seek Him again. Yes, your walk with the Lord may be for now only to find some sort of comfort in what you are going through in your marriage. That's the beauty of believing and having faith in Him. He gives us comfort,peace and hope. You can shut your heart to Him if your wife were to leave your permanently tomorrow. However, He never locks the door. He will ultimately be there for you when you need Him. God knows your heart more than you think He does. He already knows your reasons for seeking Him and even though they may be only to have reconciliation with your wife, He is still there. For the simple reason that you need Him. We all do.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

I don't want to shut the door. This weekend has been pretty cool with God. I've reread the Case for Christ and prayed a lot about it, and started the Purpose Driven Life (40 days) I'm also gonna start reading the New Testament, from start to finish. I set a specific time of day to read, so please hold me accountable, guys.

One thing that occurred to me today. I took my kids out to eat (actually my kids took me, my oldest lost a bet) and tonight after I dropped them off and went home, I realized that my relationship with them is better than ever. I want it to improve. As a narcissist, real love is hard, but I know that I genuinely love them, and now even feel like scarificing for them (something I've never wanted to do before without guilt and pain.)

God is working. I may have blown it completely with my wife (big argument this week, followed by her refusing my apology the next day "I don't want to keep hearing that you're sorry, I want it to change."), but God is still there. Reading the chapter in Case for Christ where Lee interviews a Messianic Jew, who relates his new relationship with Y'Shua, I was just taken over by that. Calling him Y'shua for some reason really hits me somewhere.

 

[oldrooster]

I don't want to shut the door. This weekend has been pretty cool with God. I've reread the Case for Christ and prayed a lot about it, and started the Purpose Driven Life (40 days) I'm also gonna start reading the New Testament, from start to finish. I set a specific time of day to read, so please hold me accountable, guys.

One thing that occurred to me today. I took my kids out to eat (actually my kids took me, my oldest lost a bet) and tonight after I dropped them off and went home, I realized that my relationship with them is better than ever. I want it to improve. As a narcissist, real love is hard, but I know that I genuinely love them, and now even feel like scarificing for them (something I've never wanted to do before without guilt and pain.)

God is working. I may have blown it completely with my wife (big argument this week, followed by her refusing my apology the next day "I don't want to keep hearing that you're sorry, I want it to change."), but God is still there. Reading the chapter in Case for Christ where Lee interviews a Messianic Jew, who relates his new relationship with Y'Shua, I was just taken over by that. Calling him Y'shua for some reason really hits me somewhere.

Keep the relationship with your kids good, either way, they will always be yours......

 

[cjba]

I'm glad to hear that something positive has come out of this. Your relationship with your kids. They need to know that their parents are still there for them. As for your wife wanting change. Do you know what changes she is looking for? If so, keep that in prayer that you will be the one she seeks. If you don't know what she is looking for, simply ask her. She can't expect you to be perfect at every moment. We all make our mistakes and learn from them.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Really good conversation with my wife today, although I had to make myself take it well rather than freak out. She says she sees that I've worked hard on three of the five areas she wants to see change in, but she can tell that although I'm controlling my outbursts, she thinks there's still anger in me at her, God and my parents. If she can see it, it's a problem and I've got to work on it. Right now, I'm focusing more on the insecurity and narcissism, because I think the anger grows out of these and forgiveness and letting go of anger will be much easier with these dealt with.

But, the upshot is, she hasn't given up, she seems to have some optimism about the future of our marriage, and she's willing to stick by me.

This is great news, and all I have to do is not-overanalyze what she said and turn it into condemnation tomorrow, like the last time we had a good conversation.