Pray to God and ask Him to give you a fresh and positive outlook. Ask Him to help you see with new eyes and have a new appreciation for life. Remember you will never be alone. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
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Temporary Separation
- Thread starter AirForceTeacher
- Start date
Please pray for me you guys. I woke up this morning totally self-centered. Don't care about God, my future, my wife. I totally don't want to believe in God right now, and even as I write this I'm wondering why I'm asking you guys to pray. I know it's related to the NPD, but even thought I know my attitides are wrong, I don't care!
I need to make the right decisions even when I feel this way.
I need to make the right decisions even when I feel this way.
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Warrior Poet
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AFT,
Been there done that, to many mornings I woke up mad at God, mad at my wife and made at myslef, for putting me in the position I was and to many mornings I woke up and guess what thats just it.... I WOKE UP. The big things we fight in ourselves the Theory of God, love, women, kids, we are so busy wrestling those we forget that we woke up this morning, that we got to smile at a stranger, hold the door open for someone at the mall. Realize that every action you make will reflect who you are and what you are, and at the same time, imprints on people we meet everyday, even ones we don't know. I don't care I don't care I don't care. If you cant care then it cant bother you, the simplicity of it is the more we think we don't care the more we do. This goes back to the saying I have used 1 million times, before you can fix a broken relationship you have to fix yourself. Being diagnosed with something as you have been very easily becomes a crutch, you start using it to lean on, then as an excuse, and before you know it you are acting in a way because of the conception of your condition, when a person finds out they are depressed first reaction is to be more depressed then "act depressed". Strictly IMO but medication is a cop out. Do yourself a favor and avoid that at all cost, those things are no different then drugs, they alter you and somehow trick us into thinking that it makes us "normal"
NPD does not control your life nor your attitude nor our judgement, nor the outcome of your situation (s) YOU do, yet you are not alone, tread carefully on this ground....NPD will and IMO be the least of your worries at this point. As Drew Carry said, with the marvel of todays medicine we can eat till we are nearly dead drop 3 G's and be running a marathon the next week, same goes for anything along those lines, we can diagnose a "disorder" treat it with some pills, and mask what's really wrong. Dont go down that path, I was very close to a guy who did just that, his "meds" are what kept him sane, and eventually the "meds" couldn't do the trick and he had to go back to square one, working on himself.
You no doubt at this point are going to struggle with God himself IMO when we fail blame must be placed we can trace it the God himself, but go all the way back trace it as far as you can and we are at the center of it, almost like a celestial game of chess, the impulsive part of you must submit to your wisdom, yet fully allow it to keep you on your toes. Every post AFT I see wisdom, every post, confliction, and every post a man on a journey to get what is his, what he worked for and let slide, but knows what he has to do. This is an encouragement to me, I see and know the struggle you are facing, not to the "T" but i know the steps, or "seasons" of what you are going through. Relying on God to just pull you out isn't going to happen, believing He exists or doesn't simply does not change the fact He does, that he wants you to succeed, people that Gather under the name of the Lord want you to succeed, not only in marriage but in life, and relationship, and in God.
You woke up today brother, you saw the sun you felt the warmth, you heard the birds. You are not dead, you are more alive then you ever have been, you are anew. Harness this new life and allow it to mold you do not mold it, one day at a time, one step at a time, one scripture at a time one prayer at a time and one victory at a time.
Stay steadfast in the "truth" the truth that tugs at your heart and dances in your mind, the truth my dear brother will set you free.
Death before Dishonor, honor your duties as a man, as a husband and as a father, let love fall into place and God fill you with peace. Chin up bro, no matter what you are doing great. I am amazed at your strength.
Warrior Poet
Been there done that, to many mornings I woke up mad at God, mad at my wife and made at myslef, for putting me in the position I was and to many mornings I woke up and guess what thats just it.... I WOKE UP. The big things we fight in ourselves the Theory of God, love, women, kids, we are so busy wrestling those we forget that we woke up this morning, that we got to smile at a stranger, hold the door open for someone at the mall. Realize that every action you make will reflect who you are and what you are, and at the same time, imprints on people we meet everyday, even ones we don't know. I don't care I don't care I don't care. If you cant care then it cant bother you, the simplicity of it is the more we think we don't care the more we do. This goes back to the saying I have used 1 million times, before you can fix a broken relationship you have to fix yourself. Being diagnosed with something as you have been very easily becomes a crutch, you start using it to lean on, then as an excuse, and before you know it you are acting in a way because of the conception of your condition, when a person finds out they are depressed first reaction is to be more depressed then "act depressed". Strictly IMO but medication is a cop out. Do yourself a favor and avoid that at all cost, those things are no different then drugs, they alter you and somehow trick us into thinking that it makes us "normal"
NPD does not control your life nor your attitude nor our judgement, nor the outcome of your situation (s) YOU do, yet you are not alone, tread carefully on this ground....NPD will and IMO be the least of your worries at this point. As Drew Carry said, with the marvel of todays medicine we can eat till we are nearly dead drop 3 G's and be running a marathon the next week, same goes for anything along those lines, we can diagnose a "disorder" treat it with some pills, and mask what's really wrong. Dont go down that path, I was very close to a guy who did just that, his "meds" are what kept him sane, and eventually the "meds" couldn't do the trick and he had to go back to square one, working on himself.
You no doubt at this point are going to struggle with God himself IMO when we fail blame must be placed we can trace it the God himself, but go all the way back trace it as far as you can and we are at the center of it, almost like a celestial game of chess, the impulsive part of you must submit to your wisdom, yet fully allow it to keep you on your toes. Every post AFT I see wisdom, every post, confliction, and every post a man on a journey to get what is his, what he worked for and let slide, but knows what he has to do. This is an encouragement to me, I see and know the struggle you are facing, not to the "T" but i know the steps, or "seasons" of what you are going through. Relying on God to just pull you out isn't going to happen, believing He exists or doesn't simply does not change the fact He does, that he wants you to succeed, people that Gather under the name of the Lord want you to succeed, not only in marriage but in life, and relationship, and in God.
You woke up today brother, you saw the sun you felt the warmth, you heard the birds. You are not dead, you are more alive then you ever have been, you are anew. Harness this new life and allow it to mold you do not mold it, one day at a time, one step at a time, one scripture at a time one prayer at a time and one victory at a time.
Stay steadfast in the "truth" the truth that tugs at your heart and dances in your mind, the truth my dear brother will set you free.
Death before Dishonor, honor your duties as a man, as a husband and as a father, let love fall into place and God fill you with peace. Chin up bro, no matter what you are doing great. I am amazed at your strength.
Warrior Poet
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Yeah, my new counselor today talked about not caring about the name "NPD," it's just another way that our brokenness comes out. He said to stop stressing about believing in God. God knows me and He can handle it if I don't believe, He's big enough. Just tell God in the morning, "I have doubts" and move on.
I'm still digesting todays session, but the key seems to be: work on the issues that caused these big walls and feeling unloved, then try to get close to God.
Not sure how to deal with it, or how I'll deal with it, or even how my wife will deal with it, but I'm gonna pray about it and see what I can do.
I'm still digesting todays session, but the key seems to be: work on the issues that caused these big walls and feeling unloved, then try to get close to God.
Not sure how to deal with it, or how I'll deal with it, or even how my wife will deal with it, but I'm gonna pray about it and see what I can do.
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AFt,
Warrior Poet's message was great. Expressing your doubts in God and continuing to ask for prayer is a sign that you truly desire God to be part of your life. Expressing your thoughts does take courage. Focus on the outcome of a positive future this is God's plan for you and your family. Don't focus on the diagnosis that was given. This is only a name for a condition and not who you are. Your focus is to be on God and letting him mold you to become the man He wants you to be. As always remember you are God's child and He wants what is best for you. When we go through our trials we have are ups and downs. Remember this is only a season in your life. We need to have our trials to truly appreciate what God has given us. Seek Him and He will not leave you.
Warrior Poet's message was great. Expressing your doubts in God and continuing to ask for prayer is a sign that you truly desire God to be part of your life. Expressing your thoughts does take courage. Focus on the outcome of a positive future this is God's plan for you and your family. Don't focus on the diagnosis that was given. This is only a name for a condition and not who you are. Your focus is to be on God and letting him mold you to become the man He wants you to be. As always remember you are God's child and He wants what is best for you. When we go through our trials we have are ups and downs. Remember this is only a season in your life. We need to have our trials to truly appreciate what God has given us. Seek Him and He will not leave you.
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Thanks cj,
I'm really battling right now, I thought I was over the intense feelings about my wife rejecting me. I'm trying so hard to see God in this, to hear His voice and pray. My counelor said yesterday that there are walls between me and God that we have to take care of, so stop stressing about God and the doubts of whther He exists and loves me. Just let it go. God's big enought to handle it.
It sounds so wrong, but I'm gonna try, but even on the bad days I'm not gonna stop praying.
I'm really battling right now, I thought I was over the intense feelings about my wife rejecting me. I'm trying so hard to see God in this, to hear His voice and pray. My counelor said yesterday that there are walls between me and God that we have to take care of, so stop stressing about God and the doubts of whther He exists and loves me. Just let it go. God's big enought to handle it.
It sounds so wrong, but I'm gonna try, but even on the bad days I'm not gonna stop praying.
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CJ, Warrior,
I'm going to this workshop next week, please pray for it to help me to know God's voice better:
In preparation, the Restoration Ministry is putting on "Hearing God's Heart," a half-day workshop on April 3rd. The workshop will combine teaching with personal time with the Lord to help you grow in hearing His voice. If you just need to breathe new life in your times with Him or if you?re working through deep issues that you need Him to speak to, this morning will be a great time for you. Anyone who is interested in joining a TREK Group in April needs to attend this introductory workshop
I'm going to this workshop next week, please pray for it to help me to know God's voice better:
In preparation, the Restoration Ministry is putting on "Hearing God's Heart," a half-day workshop on April 3rd. The workshop will combine teaching with personal time with the Lord to help you grow in hearing His voice. If you just need to breathe new life in your times with Him or if you?re working through deep issues that you need Him to speak to, this morning will be a great time for you. Anyone who is interested in joining a TREK Group in April needs to attend this introductory workshop
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You're in my prayers. Go to the workshop and your counseling meetings with an open heart. In Him everything is possible. God Bless
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I just got into it with my wife. She is upset, and still wants hard boundaries. I totally misunderstood what the change in boundaries at the last appt was. I said I wanted to do fun stuff together, but not talk about the realtionship outside of counseling. (which we just broke.) I thought this meant we could hang out together at the house and watch TV together, stuff like that. It doesn't. She can't hang outut with me because she's afraid I'm gonna wanna talk and we're gonna get into it. Who can blame her.
She's upset because I havn't shown any stability in the last month. Twice she's called to talk to someone about my fears of suicide. In the last week I've been at the top of the mountain and then laying fetal positon at the bottom. This just makes it worse for her, and she's unable to concentrate on her needs when I'm constantly doing this.
She's upset because it's obvious to her that my goal is to get back in the house, which it is, but I want to be healthy at that point. She's upset because I obviously am putting everything in me on getting back together by the fall when the Air Force transfers me. She said she is not gonna just give in and move back in together just because we're moving. She did say that she would move with me to the next base, just it may not be in the same house. I'm ok with that, as long as she doens't give up on me, in fact I was already looking ahead to that possibility.
In short, our goal is the same, but she is so hurt that our timelines are very different (although she did say that moving to the next base separately in the fall is not her first choice either.)
This should make me happy, and it does reassure me, but it makes the next year, two maybe longer look so hard and so difficult. It makes me want to give up and it makes me want to try harder. I need strength, and I need to put these doubts about God behind me for good.
Please pray for strength and the Holy Spirit to draw me nearer to God, since I obviously can't even consistently believe in Him myself
She wants us together, married, in the same house, healthy. That's my goal too. But her interim goal is together in the same city, healthy relationship. I don't think about that, but I should.
She's upset because I havn't shown any stability in the last month. Twice she's called to talk to someone about my fears of suicide. In the last week I've been at the top of the mountain and then laying fetal positon at the bottom. This just makes it worse for her, and she's unable to concentrate on her needs when I'm constantly doing this.
She's upset because it's obvious to her that my goal is to get back in the house, which it is, but I want to be healthy at that point. She's upset because I obviously am putting everything in me on getting back together by the fall when the Air Force transfers me. She said she is not gonna just give in and move back in together just because we're moving. She did say that she would move with me to the next base, just it may not be in the same house. I'm ok with that, as long as she doens't give up on me, in fact I was already looking ahead to that possibility.
In short, our goal is the same, but she is so hurt that our timelines are very different (although she did say that moving to the next base separately in the fall is not her first choice either.)
This should make me happy, and it does reassure me, but it makes the next year, two maybe longer look so hard and so difficult. It makes me want to give up and it makes me want to try harder. I need strength, and I need to put these doubts about God behind me for good.
Please pray for strength and the Holy Spirit to draw me nearer to God, since I obviously can't even consistently believe in Him myself
She wants us together, married, in the same house, healthy. That's my goal too. But her interim goal is together in the same city, healthy relationship. I don't think about that, but I should.
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AFT,
This is a very difficuly situation you are in. The one thing I am sure you were not planning on is fighting yourself. You're tearing yourself apart with so much thinking on where you want to be. I know I have mentioned this before... you need to surrender yourself to God. This is difficult I know. Especially when you are new in your walk or returning to your walk. Try to concentrate on the positive. When you are in prayer and have given yourself totally to Him. I almost positive at times you felt a warmth and peace inside. Hold on to this feeling and don't let the negative bring you down. In this life which is temporary we have choices. You need to stand up to the plate and once and for all give this to Him. Until you do you will continue to battle yourself. If you do continue to battle yourself no one wins. In God we all win with this life that has been given to us as a gift. You're wife is not asking for a perfect man she is asking for a healthy one. If you truly love your wife as you write you do then give her this gift. The gift of a healthy you. I would say in my situation it probably took me 1 and 1/2 years to completly stop the yo-yo effect and surrender myself to Him. Everyone would tell me that this is what I was suppose to do. I myselft knew this is what was to be done. Yet, we still listen to the flesh which is only a temporary shelter. In Him is eternity why would'nt you want to start the relationship while you are still in the flesh? Easier said than done...I know. Let Him heal you...give Him the opportunity to work wonders in your life. I truly will pray to soften your wife's heart. I know that the process would be much faster for you if you were with your family. However, for whatever reason this is your wife's choice and you must respect it in order to gain her respect. Bless you and may God comfort you in your time of need.
This is a very difficuly situation you are in. The one thing I am sure you were not planning on is fighting yourself. You're tearing yourself apart with so much thinking on where you want to be. I know I have mentioned this before... you need to surrender yourself to God. This is difficult I know. Especially when you are new in your walk or returning to your walk. Try to concentrate on the positive. When you are in prayer and have given yourself totally to Him. I almost positive at times you felt a warmth and peace inside. Hold on to this feeling and don't let the negative bring you down. In this life which is temporary we have choices. You need to stand up to the plate and once and for all give this to Him. Until you do you will continue to battle yourself. If you do continue to battle yourself no one wins. In God we all win with this life that has been given to us as a gift. You're wife is not asking for a perfect man she is asking for a healthy one. If you truly love your wife as you write you do then give her this gift. The gift of a healthy you. I would say in my situation it probably took me 1 and 1/2 years to completly stop the yo-yo effect and surrender myself to Him. Everyone would tell me that this is what I was suppose to do. I myselft knew this is what was to be done. Yet, we still listen to the flesh which is only a temporary shelter. In Him is eternity why would'nt you want to start the relationship while you are still in the flesh? Easier said than done...I know. Let Him heal you...give Him the opportunity to work wonders in your life. I truly will pray to soften your wife's heart. I know that the process would be much faster for you if you were with your family. However, for whatever reason this is your wife's choice and you must respect it in order to gain her respect. Bless you and may God comfort you in your time of need.
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cj,
My new pastoral counselor is working on just that issue, surrendering to God. His plan is to first address the issues in my heart and my past that make it hard for me to trust others and to feel like I'm loved. Then, address the ability of God to handle those issues and meet those needs. Then, deal with submission and relying on God. He runs a men's retreat several times a year that I will be attending in late Apr. The focus is facing who you are before you face God.
If you're interested, http://www.bobhudson.org/
My new pastoral counselor is working on just that issue, surrendering to God. His plan is to first address the issues in my heart and my past that make it hard for me to trust others and to feel like I'm loved. Then, address the ability of God to handle those issues and meet those needs. Then, deal with submission and relying on God. He runs a men's retreat several times a year that I will be attending in late Apr. The focus is facing who you are before you face God.
If you're interested, http://www.bobhudson.org/
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Ok, hold me accountable, folks. I want to act out trust in God. With or without my wife, I need to trust Him.
I decide to trust Him tonite. I need to do it tomorrow.
I decide to trust Him tonite. I need to do it tomorrow.
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AFT,
Ok, I'm holding you accountable for today.
Yes, you can accomplish trusting God in your life. Tomorrow will be another day and a new step closer. And if you don't take the next step the following day you'll try again the next day. You have the rest of your life to get this right. God is not giving you any pressure. He is waiting for you with open arms. God Bless. 
Ok, I'm holding you accountable for today.
Yes, you can accomplish trusting God in your life. Tomorrow will be another day and a new step closer. And if you don't take the next step the following day you'll try again the next day. You have the rest of your life to get this right. God is not giving you any pressure. He is waiting for you with open arms. God Bless.
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Finished The Case for Faith, by Lee Strobel. Good book. The last two chapters, about dealing with doubts as a Christian and that faith is a decision were golden.
It helps me to trust God when I read stuff like that. Still got a hard road ahead with my wife and her boundaries right now, but I'm supposed to transferring my reliance from her to God anyway, and trusting God fully is its own reward even if it doesn't bring my wife back to me.
It helps me to trust God when I read stuff like that. Still got a hard road ahead with my wife and her boundaries right now, but I'm supposed to transferring my reliance from her to God anyway, and trusting God fully is its own reward even if it doesn't bring my wife back to me.
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Hi AFT,
I am so sorry that I haven't checked in for a while. I'm going to spend a few minutes and catch up. I hope it's going well......
I am so sorry that I haven't checked in for a while. I'm going to spend a few minutes and catch up. I hope it's going well......
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AFT,
Glad to hear that you are continuing your reading. 
You need to let yourself go and give this to God. I know you are trying and I'm keeping you in prayer. I can't even begin to describe the release one has once they surrender themselves to Him. Once you are able to seek Him without thinking of getting your wife back in the same breath; you will begin to truly enjoy the pleasure of knowing Him. God knows you are coming to him one step at a time. Take care and keep thinking positive.
Glad to hear that you are continuing your reading. You need to let yourself go and give this to God. I know you are trying and I'm keeping you in prayer. I can't even begin to describe the release one has once they surrender themselves to Him. Once you are able to seek Him without thinking of getting your wife back in the same breath; you will begin to truly enjoy the pleasure of knowing Him. God knows you are coming to him one step at a time. Take care and keep thinking positive.
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Thanks, cj.
That is exactly what I'm praying for, the desire for God and surrender to Him without the issue of my wife at the forefront of my mind. When I finished the book on faith yesterday, that's where I was at and it was great!
That is exactly what I'm praying for, the desire for God and surrender to Him without the issue of my wife at the forefront of my mind. When I finished the book on faith yesterday, that's where I was at and it was great!
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Hard counseling session today. My wife said she doesn't trust me, she's afraid that I'm gonna manipulate her by talking about good things (as opposed the manipulation before.) I know God's been working in my life, but this shattered any closenes to God I had. I feel like giving up, but I know that's what a narcissist would do, and I don't want to be that anymore.
She's growing awya from me because she's growing in God and receiving emotional healing. I want that healing too. I want to be close to God, but I fear it will never happen. I want her back, but it looks impossible.
Pray for me to be able to trust God again tonight and tomorrow. I need to reach out to Him, but I feel so hurt.
She's growing awya from me because she's growing in God and receiving emotional healing. I want that healing too. I want to be close to God, but I fear it will never happen. I want her back, but it looks impossible.
Pray for me to be able to trust God again tonight and tomorrow. I need to reach out to Him, but I feel so hurt.
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Don't let the session shatter your closeness with God. Remember you are taking baby steps towards Him. I know the feeling too well about giving up. In our marriage our marital problems have been going on for about 2 years. My hubby's heart is finally softening. If I would of given up back then I think I would be divorced by now. I kept giving my hurt to Him. I still don't know the outcome in my situation but at least I know I am not giving up. It takes time for the healing process to show up on the surface. The healing needs to start from within first. We have no guarantees in this life. Your wife should have God before you and she does need the healing. This is something that should not make you feel like giving up. If she is truly getting closer to God, she knows God choose you two to be together. Will this marriage be healed I don't know. I wish I could tell you that you two will be together again. One posssible way that you may have a chance is you need to change within yourself and let your wife see that you are healing. Of course she will have trust issues. I'm sure during the course of the marriage she was telling you that the both of you had problems in the marriage. You most likely told her that things would change. She feels as she maybe has heard this before. She needs to see the action not the words. Give her time and pray for your family to have the strength to overcome this trial. Nothing is impossible with working on the situation. You won't gain anything in life without trying. You're in my prayers.
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