Telling Someone I'm moving on..

[nb408]

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life..

I gave this girl all I had and she never told me how she feels about me. So after 6 months of no communication I'm coming back to tell her that I'm just now moving on, because I couldn't forgive myself if she thought that I just left. When I didn't.. I don't even know how to say it but I'm meeting with her this week. Advice?

 

[com7fy8]

Well, if she is a really caring and kind and honest person, God has her for loving any and all people, not only one person. So, if God trusts me with a really Christian lady, I am expected to honor and support her to love any and all people the way Jesus wants. And I will be perfectly satisfied in God's love if I do this.

So, in case she is really a person of Jesus, trust her to obey how God leads her in how she relates with you. And be grateful for however you can share with one another. In God's love is it quality, not quantity

If she is a Christian person, she is a sister of Jesus; so I would not just leave a sister!! You can discover how it is good for you to share. And you both can be meant for other people, for marriage, but you can benefit from sharing with each other, possibly this helping to prepare you for who you belong with . . . or even each other, though this does not show now.

 

[summerville]

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life..

I gave this girl all I had and she never told me how she feels about me. So after 6 months of no communication I'm coming back to tell her that I'm just now moving on, because I couldn't forgive myself if she thought that I just left. When I didn't.. I don't even know how to say it but I'm meeting with her this week. Advice?

What is there to be gained by talking to her?

 

[nb408]

What is there to be gained by talking to her?

Peace of mind.. I care for her more than anyone and I tried my best to be friends with her after we broke up but I couldn't. My mind is tortured by the thought of her thinking I just left when all I wanted was clarity. To know where she's at in all of this.

 

[Sketcher]

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life..

I gave this girl all I had and she never told me how she feels about me. So after 6 months of no communication I'm coming back to tell her that I'm just now moving on, because I couldn't forgive myself if she thought that I just left. When I didn't.. I don't even know how to say it but I'm meeting with her this week. Advice?

Do you actually have the date/appointment?

 

[summerville]

Peace of mind.. I care for her more than anyone and I tried my best to be friends with her after we broke up but I couldn't. My mind is tortured by the thought of her thinking I just left when all I wanted was clarity. To know where she's at in all of this.

So you all already broke up and you're going back for more???? She's fine. That's where she's at.

 

[tall73]

Peace of mind.. I care for her more than anyone and I tried my best to be friends with her after we broke up but I couldn't. My mind is tortured by the thought of her thinking I just left when all I wanted was clarity. To know where she's at in all of this.

a. Did you ask her point blank what her feelings were six months ago?

b. Does she not know where to find you? If she does then it is not an accident that she hasn't initiated this conversation in six months if she wanted it.

 

[nb408]

Do you actually have the date/appointment?

Yeah it's at a coffee shop on Wednesday..

 

[nb408]

a. Did you ask her point blank what her feelings were six months ago?

b. Does she not know where to find you? If she does then it is not an accident that she hasn't initiated this conversation in six months if she wanted it.

No I've never asked that, it's not something I should have to ask. It's something you let people know that you care about.

I have no idea how she feels, I want to know if I was played..

 

[nb408]

So you all already broke up and you're going back for more???? She's fine. That's where she's at.

How could she be fine when I'm not? I've been wondering for more than 6 months, I'm exhausted..

 

[tall73]

No I've never asked that, it's not something I should have to ask. It's something you let people know that you care about.

Did you tell her your feelings then? And if so, in what words?

And she didn't respond at all?

I have no idea how she feels, I want to know if I was played..

How would you have been "played"? You developed feelings for her, and then left.

 

[nb408]

Did you tell her your feelings then? And if so, in what words?

And she didn't respond at all?




How would you have been "played"? You developed feelings for her, and then left.

I told her how I felt through notes, actions and how I treated her. The last time we talked she knew I loved her and made me say it. She asked me why I never said it, I said fear of rejection. Then we continued talking but she never told me how she felt. The entire relationship I was left wondering how she felt. I still do. And I'm done wondering..

To give a little context this is how our last convo through text went. Me:"you don't think I'm hurting?"
Her:"I don't know what you don't tell me but I'm sorry that you are. I'll give you some space."

6 months later here I am meeting her over coffee.. The entire time I've been obsessing over her and I even got a therapist because of this a month ago. I can't let her believe that I just left because I didn't. I was waiting for her to reach out and tell me how she feels. Because that's something I'll never ask someone.

 

[summerville]

How could she be fine when I'm not? I've been wondering for more than 6 months, I'm exhausted..

You are deceiving yourself.

 

[tall73]

I told her how I felt through notes, actions and how I treated her. The last time we talked she knew I loved her and made me say it. She asked me why I never said it, I said fear of rejection. Then we continued talking but she never told me how she felt. The entire relationship I was left wondering how she felt. I still do. And I'm done wondering..

To give a little context this is how our last convo through text went. Me:"you don't think I'm hurting?"
Her:"I don't know what you don't tell me but I'm sorry that you are. I'll give you some space."

6 months later here I am meeting her over coffee.. The entire time I've been obsessing over her and I even got a therapist because of this a month ago. I can't let her believe that I just left because I didn't. I was waiting for her to reach out and tell me how she feels. Because that's something I'll never ask someone.

Hopefully you get clarification at this meeting coming up. For future reference, you are a lot better off asking someone about their feelings than agonizing over it.

 

[EagleScout88]

Hello nb408,

I am really sorry that you are going through this right now. It is never fun to have strong feelings for someone and to not have them reciprocated. When I was dating I had that happen to me and hated it! As I was reviewing your thread, it occurred to me that this is a lot like the story of Jesus...

"He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to Him, nothing in His appearance that we should desire Him. He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces, He was despised, and we held Him in low esteem. Surely He took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered Him punished by God, stricken by Him, and afflicted. But He was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed." Isaiah 53:2-5

Not that I would equate anyone to Jesus, but Jesus was completely "despised and rejected by mankind" and yet He went through the most painful experiences I can think of to show His love. If this comparison seems a little off key, take a couple of hours and watch the movie "Fireproof" (that is if you have not already seen it).

So, it is hard to love someone when they don't love you. I don't know if you have had the chance to read the book by Gary Chapman entitled "The Five Love Languages", but if not I would highly suggest it. Dr. Chapman has determined that there are five love languages and everyone has one or two primary languages in which they prefer to receive love. Usually, they tend to express these languages as well to others. The love languages are:

1. Gifts (G),
2. Quality Time (QT),
3. Physical Touch (PT),
4. Acts of Service (AS), and
5. Words of Affirmation (WA)

They should be self-explanatory. There are two important things that I have found with my wife of 13 years. First, it is critical to "speak her language". When we first met and were married, her love language was QT and mine was PT and WA. I would always give her a hug, hold hands, and put my arm around her while telling her I loved her, but I was a work-a-holic. I thought I was showing all of this love to her, but since I wasn't spending QT with her, her love tank was on empty! Once I learned this, I adapted and things got real good really quickly. Four and a half years and four children later and I had to learn the next important thing about the love languages: sometimes they change over time or with a change in situation. Now that we have four kids, my wife has no time for quality! So, her love language now is AS. The more I can help her, the more her love tank fills up!

I know that this may not help you in your current situation, but I hope that it helps you in the future. Please know that I am praying for you.

God Bless You,

Kevin